Big Ten Win! Big Ten Win!

Other possible headlines for this could have been:

The Juice is Loose!
The Ron Zook Era Finally Begins
Happy Homecoming
Muck Fichigan State


There are so many amazing stats surrounding how bad Illinois was before this game, and how great they were during this game. For starters, they were 26 point underdogs. I'd say they covered. Also, Michigan State scheduled the Illini (rightfully so) for their homecoming game, thinking that had all but guaranteed a victory. Talk about your all time backfires.

Before you can appreciate a Big Ten Win(!) lets look back at the recent history of Illinois Football. If you were a Illini Class of 2007, you would be a proud Senior. Dating back to what would have been your first year as an Illini:

Illinois Football since 2003: (prior to today's Michigan State game)

Against Division 1-A Opponents:
3-31 (Indiana, Rutgers, San Jose State)

Big Ten Opponents:
1-24 (Indiana)

All three victories since 2003 have come at home.
The last time Illinois beat Mich. St.: 1992
The last time Illinois beat Mich. St. on the road: 1989


Key Stats Today:
MSU Rushing Yards: 82 (2.6 avg/rush)
ILL Rushing Yards: 252 (5.7 avg/rush)

MSU 3rd down conversions 4/13

Illinois, who had of recent times favored the strategy of not scoring points while letting the other team score lots of points, finally has a defense capable of slowing down the opponent. Illinois led 20-10 entering the 4th quarter. And 7 of those were off an interception return. So through 3 quarters the Illinois defense only gave up 3 points.

3 times Illinois showing amazing resiliency:

After Juice Williams gave up an interception return to tie the game at 10, he led them on a 3rd quarter touchdown drive, running and passing like he had been there before.

When the score was 20-17, the Illinois defense was able to hold Michigan State to a field goal. The Illini of previous years would have rolled over and it would have been a comeback finish for the home team.

When it was 20-20, and MSU had rattled of 10 straight points, Illinois had under 3 minutes and the ball on their own 20. Smart money would have been on a 3 and out, punt, and a MSU field goal to win.

But on 3rd and 6, Juice scrambles for 8 yards and gets out of bounds. After a Thomas 8 yard rush, Juice throws for 16 and then 9 yards. With Illinois on the MSU 35 with about 30 seconds remaining, a field goal attempt was dicey. Juice rushed for 4 yards and then passed for 9, to give the kicker a 38-yard attempt.

In previous years, this would have likely been blocked and returned by Michigan State. But today it sailed true.

Week 4: Get on the Bandwagon

If there's one thing I hate it's 7 point spreads. Anyways...

Colts -9 over Jets
Chargers -2.5 over Ravens
Bills -1 over Vikings
Titans +9.5 over Cowboys
49ers +7 over Chiefs
Panthers -7 over Saints
Falcons -7 over Cardinals
Texans +3.5 over Dolphins
Rams -5.5 over Lions
Bengals -6 over Patriots
Jaguars -3 over Redskins
Browns -2.5 over Raiders
Seahawks +3.5 over Bears
Packers +10.5 over Eagles

5 Movies You'll Be Glad You Saw

The Departed

October 6th

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
November 3rd


Stranger Than Fiction
November 10th

Tenacious D
November 17th

The Fountain
November 22nd

Popularity

Let's see who's the most popular:

A Google search for "sports guy's world" = 81,800 results

"tuesday morning quarterback" = 91,800 results

That's all well and fine, but what about "free meat"? 112,000 results

Eat it.

The Best Show on Television

And it's not even close.



Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is a breath of fresh air. It shows that television has the power to create amazing things. And in the paucity of these amazing things, Studio 60 rises above everything else currently on the air.

After two episodes am I ready to rank it up there with the all-time great shows: Simpsons, Seinfeld, and Arrested Development? Not yet.

But it's even better than the current toast of tv: The Office, 24, and Entourage. Oh and Lost stinks.

Welcome Back

Here's to a victory for New Orleans. (And for The Saints).

Week 3 Recap: It's Stupid How Close I Was to Winning $40 This Week

Bears -3.5 over Vikings
Dolphins -10.5 over Titans
Panthers -3.5 over Bucs
Packers +6.5 over Lions
Jets +5.5 over Bills
Jaguars +6.5 over Colts
Redskins -3.5 over Texans
Bengals +2.5 over Steelers
Ravens -6.5 over Browns
Giants +3.5 over Seahawks
Cardinals -4.5 over Rams
Eagles -6.5 over 49ers
Patriots -6.5 over Broncos
Saints +3.5 over Falcons

Week 3
Dave: 6-8 = Down $40
Mark: 7-7 = Even
Sports Guy: 8-4-2 = Up $80
Sports Gal: 8-4-2 = Up $80

On the Season
Dave: 27-19 = Up $160
Mark: 14-16 = Down $40
Sports Guy: 23-21-2 = Up $40
Sports Gal: 24-20-2 = Up $80

I Got 99 Points, But My Safety Aint One

The age old question: How many points can you score in Super Tecmo Bowl? ... has finally been answered. Yes, I cheated. And I guarantee that no one will ever top this score. Because it won't let you score more than 99 points.



How can I prove that I scored more than 99? Look at the scoring by quarter:


113 points. If I had played to get every onside kick, I could have scored even more. But that would have taken forever. Let's hope that the Saints fair better on Monday Night.

Dominating Like It's 1991

I've been playing some classic Super Tecmo Bowl, and this was ridiculous. The funny part is that it wouldn't be hard to produce unbelievable stats using the emulators, simply by saving the game, seeing what play the cpu chooses, loading that game and selecting the play. You could probably score a hundred points - especially if you altered their playbook to include fleaflickers to induce fumbles. (At some point, I may have to experiment with this just to see how many points are humanly possible in STB.)

But here's the thing, this game was played straight through. No reloads at all. I didn't even realize that they hadn't gotten a first down. And I know that got yardage on a number of plays, so I didn't consider that I would have enough sacks to cancel out their positive yardage.

Through the "NFL Leaders" stats pages I found out that Miller had attempted 4 passes and none of them were complete. He was injured. And they brought a QB named Millen in. He threw one pass and it was intercepted.

Why I Married a Vegetarian

It has come up a few times talking to co-workers that I married a vegetarian. And their first response is always shock and confusion and pity. Apparently some people think it would be hard living with someone who doesn't eat meat. So I'm here to clear up any confusion. It's awesome.

1. I rely on sandwiches to bring to work daily (ham, turkey, pastrami, salami). Not once do I ever have to wake up and realize that someone ate all the salami. (Not the case for milk and cereal).

2. It's Sunday, and I'm settling in to watch some football. I go to the freezer and there is only one burger left...good thing I don't have to share it or split it with anyone.

3. When we go to restuarants I can try a bite of her pasta, but sharing is a one-way street. Straight into my mouth.

4. If we're at a party, she can put her quota of chicken appetizers on her plate, and bring them to me. That way I get twice as much chicken, without having to box out at the buffet table.

5. Meat is expensive. If she doesn't go to Fogo, I just saved $60. Or I can just go twice for the same price.

6. Crab Rangoon. 5 pieces. All for me.

So you get the idea. More meat for me. Sweet.

Week 3 Picks: Time To Go To Work

Bears -3.5 over Vikings
Dolphins -10.5 over Titans
Panthers -3.5 over Bucs
Packers +6.5 over Lions
Jets +5.5 over Bills
Jaguars +6.5 over Colts
Redskins -3.5 over Texans
Bengals +2.5 over Steelers
Ravens -6.5 over Browns
Giants +3.5 over Seahawks
Cardinals -4.5 over Rams
Eagles -6.5 over 49ers
Patriots -6.5 over Broncos
Saints +3.5 over Falcons

Introducing the 9-Day Week

What if I told you that you could have more free time and at the same time have business run more effectively? Is that something you might be interested in?

I'm sure it is. Introducing the 9-day week:

Sunday*
Monday
Tuesday
Lunesday
Wednesday*
Nuesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday*

The days marked with asterisks are not work days. As you can see, we will now work 6 out of 9 days, instead of 5 out of 7.

There are major benefits to this schedule:

• Instead of working 71% of the time, we now only have to work 66% of the time. Score!
• 5-day weeks burn people out. Convenient 3-day half weeks let people work without letting stress build up as much.
• The football season (4 weeks of preaseason, 17 regular season, 4 weeks of playoffs) now lasts 25 weeks out of 40 weeks, instead of 25 weeks out of 52 weeks.
  
• The extra days give football players more rest throughout the week, reducing injuries and increasing quality of play.
• All my shirts that I printed with the slogan "Thank God It's Lunesday" now make sense.
• You are now able to take 3 days off from work, and have a 6-day weekend. Sweet!

There is one downside to this schedule:

• It's not in place yet.
  

As you can see, this proposal is win-win-win. And it has acedemic support.
It also has support from the music industry.
So please call your Congressman and your local cable operator and request the 9-day week. Your future depends on it!

Power Rankings

It's funny how wrong preseason predictions are - already. Here's what it looks like after week 2:

AFC Division Winners
Colts
Chargers
Bengals
Patriots

AFC Wildcard Spots
Jaguars*
Steelers*
Ravens

There's 7 teams fighting for 6 playoff spots. I really don't see a team not listed here making it to the AFC Playoffs. The Ravens look good now, but I'm not sold. I expect Cinci to win the division, and the Steelers to get in the wild card.


NFC Division Winners
Seahawks
Bears
Giants
Falcons

NFC Wildcard Spots
Cowboys*
Cardinals*
Eagles
Vikings
Saints
Panthers

The NFC is a little more wide open, with 10 teams looking to get in 6 spots. I'm not counting out Carolina, but right now I see the Giants winning the East, and the Cowboys and Cardinals getting in.

Week 2 Recap: I'm money

Ravens -11.5
Vikings +2.5
Browns +10.5
Lions +8.5
Giants +3.5
Bills +6.5
Saints -1.5
Colts -13.5
Falcons -4.5
Seahawks -6.5
49ers +3.5
Broncos -10.5
Patriots -5.5
Chargers -11.5
Cowboys -5.5
Steelers -1.5



Week 2
Dave: 12-4 = Up $160
Mark: 7-9 = Down $40
Sports Guy: 8-8 = Even
Sports Gal: 11-5 = Up $120

On the Season
Dave: 21-11 = Up $200
Mark: 7-9 = Down $40
Sports Guy: 15-17 = Down $40
Sports Gal: 16-16 = Even

Aaron Brooks Glitch Amazingly Accurate

As noted by The Sports Guy, this is the "Aaron Brooks Glitch" from European Madden 07, where the quarterback throws the ball behind him. The people who discovered it decided to name the glitch after the real-life QB who's most likely to throw the ball 35 yards backward during a game.



Sure enough, Week 1, guess what happens:

Week 2 Picks

I'll get my picks in today, before the Sports Guy does. (lines via nfl.com)

Ravens -11.5
Vikings +2.5
Browns +10.5
Lions +8.5
Giants +3.5
Bills +6.5
Saints -1.5
Colts -13.5
Falcons -4.5
Seahawks -6.5
49ers +3.5
Broncos -10.5
Patriots -5.5
Chargers -11.5
Cowboys -5.5
Steelers -1.5

It's Wednesday

Which means it's too late to still be thinking about the games from 3 days ago, but a little too early to start predicting Week 2 games. I wonder how I should spend my imaginary $40 bucks that I won...

Week 1 Recap

Picks in bold were correct.

Dolphins +1
Broncos -4
Titans -2.5
Bills +9
Bucs -3
Chiefs -2.5
Seahawks -6.5
Falcons +5
Eagles -5.5
Saints +3
Jaguars -2.5
Bears -3.5
49ers +7.5
Giants +3.5
Vikings +4.5
Chargers -3

Week 1
Dave: 9-7 = Up $40
Mark: no picks
Sports Guy: 7-9 = Down $40
Sports Gal: 5-11 = Down $120

My Wedding Bling

I love my wife.
I love being married to her.
I love my wedding ring.

The third statement is not independent of the first two. I am proud of my ring. I like to show it off. I tip-tap on the handrail in the elevator. I adjust the way I cross my arms in meetings to make sure it shows.

I never take it off. I am proud to be married to my wife at all times. Whether I am sleeping or showering or playing basketball or forming hamburgers, I'm always connected to my wife.

Sure, sometimes it needs cleaning so I have to take it off. And I didn't wear when I played softball because I didn't want to pinch my fingers when I was batting. But I was still married. Geez.

It is not clothing. It is not an accessory. It is not jewelry. It is a symbol of my wife that is with me at all times. And even if I have to take it off for a little while, I'm just looking forward to putting it back on.

A Frustrating Drive

Preface: Often fans will complain about a offensive line holding penalty that negates a long play, saying if only he hadn't held, that would have been a touchdown. When in reality, often if that line hadn't held, that play wouldn't have gone for a touchdown in the first place. See also: illegal blocks on touchdown returns.

Now I am no New York Giant fan, but I couldn't help empathize with their fans after an excruciating series of plays, in front of their home town crowd last night in the Manning Bowl.

Giants down 6-0, 12:17 2nd quarter, 1st and 10 at NYG 20.

Jacobs 25 yard run. Penalty.
Eli converts on 3rd down.
Barber 17 yard run. Penalty. (Bad Call)
Jacobs 11 yard run.
Eli converts on 3rd down amazing, one handed tip to himself while diving, catch on the ground by Burress.
40 yard field goal attempt by Feely, wide left.


The Giants, down only 6 points, had a 5-minute drive that started on their own 20. They ran plays that gained 111 yards and committed no turnovers, and among a top ten catch on all-time NFL highlight reel. And ended up with no points off a 40 yard field goal attempt.

111 yards. No points. They lost by 5.

Good Thing I Waited 7 Months For This

What a terrible weekend to be a fan of Illinois Football or Kansas City Chiefs Football. The Illinois loss was to be expected. And it wasn't so much that the Chiefs lost, but how they lost, that has me depressed.

Which is worst?

1) That the new coach called for our average to below average kicker to kick a 51-yard field goal, on grass, in the rain.
2) That Larry Johnson had a active streak of 100-yard games (9). The record was at 14 and with last years team, there was no doubt he would continue that streak. That streak ended yesterday.
3) The new coaching staff ran these plays on the second drive of the game:

1st and 10 at CIN 16 (L.Johnson left end to CIN 15 for 1 yard)
2nd and 9 at CIN 15 (L.Johnson up the middle to CIN 11 for 4 yards)
3rd and 5 at CIN 11 (L.Johnson up the middle to CIN 11 for no gain)

4) That the brutal hit on Trent Green has put the 36-year old's status in doubt and we have no quarterback for the future.

5) That Larry Johnson is an absolute beast - everybody can't help but call him that - and it looks as if he will waste away on an aging, mediocre team and not carry this team to a championship. What is this? The 1990's Detroit Lions?

Week 1 Predictions

I will be picking winners with spreads this year, and my goal is just to get over %50 right. All lines via sportsbook.com.

Dolphins +1
Broncos -4
Titans -2.5
Bills +9
Bucs -3
Chiefs -2.5
Seahawks -6.5
Falcons +5
Eagles -5.5
Saints +3
Jaguars -2.5
Bears -3.5
49ers +7.5
Giants +3.5
Vikings +4.5
Chargers -3

And for the sake of whatever, I always imagine putting $20 on every game, and betting a magical casino that doesn't take a cut. So I'll keep track of how much money I am up or down throughout the year. If you know any better you can show off in the comments.

Preseason Polls, Tomatoes, and 98 Other Things That Are Ruining America

Chapter One: Preseason Polls

Well, we've played 1 week of college football, and let's look at the polls. Wait, how can we have a realistic ranking of teams after just 1 game? Could we have a NFL playoff picture after 1 game? Or a wild card race? Heck, we don't even need to play a game of college football to know who's good, we can just tell who's better based on their rosters, and presumably, logos on the helmets.

What's the problem? Notre Dame. Or should I say #4 Notre Dame. I watched a little bit of football over the weekend, and one thing I am sure of, is that Notre Dame did not play like the fourth best team in the country. Throughout the game, they didn't play like the best team on the field. So why are they #4? Because people thought they would be better, or that they are better than what they played like.

In my poll, Notre Dame isn't in the top 25. They sure didn't play like it. But Notre Dame fans might say that's not fair. "We have a chance to play for the Nat'l Championship this year. We should be in the top 10 all year long."

Then maybe we should wait unti we at least play some conference games before ranking the teams. Otherwise, my answer would be I'll put Notre Dame in the top 10 when they play like a top 10 team. And this isn't related to the fact that Notre Dame is who they are -- it could just as easily have been Texas or Ohio State - it's related to the fact that Texas won by 50 and Notre Dame played like crap.