Saturday, August 29, 2015

Psychic Football Hotline

Me: Is Peyton going to get hurt this year?
Psychic: No. There's going to be a lot of talk about his age, people saying whether or not this should be his last year.
Me: Well, they're already saying that. 
Psychic: I didn't know that. 
Me: Ok. 
Psychic: The Ravens are going to be good. 
Me: Oh yeah?
Psychic: Yep. 
Me: You should put some money on that.
Psychic: And the Philadelphia Eagles. Are they good?
Me: They should be a playoff team. What about the Chiefs, I think they're going to be good this year. 
Psychic: ... How many games do they play?
Me: 16.
Psychic: I saw a record but it seemed like too many games. I saw 13-4. 
Me: That would be a 13-3 season, which would be incredible, followed by losing their first playoff game. 
Psychic: Oh, okay. 
Me: That would be the most Chiefs-like version of a great season I could imagine. 

[5 minutes later]

Me: Or..... that could be a 12-4 season, followed by a playoff win. 
Psychic: But then wouldn't that be 13-5 or something?
Me: Well, they'd have a 13-4 record at that point, they'd just still be alive in the playoffs. Who says 13-4 has to be their final record?

Monday, August 24, 2015

Precarious Line Break

Below is the inside of a dust jacket on a children's book. That's a very questionable line break. 

Sunday, August 23, 2015

I am simultaneously excited that according to Vegas future's odds, the Chiefs have the 11th best Super Bowl chances as well that I could get a 35/1 payoff. I am strangely optimistic this year with no real reason. But if every other team continues to pile up season-ending injuries, why not us?

Saturday, August 22, 2015

NFL Proactively Tackles Diversity

NEW YORK (AP) — In an effort to prevent any future PR nightmares, the NFL is being proactive about diversity when it comes to sexual orientation. 
Football fans know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month in the NFL. This year, September will become Gay Awareness Month. 
The move will not be limited to rainbow-colored jerseys and field emblems. For the entire first month of the regular season, several game phrases will be renamed. A playcall is now a gaycall. The playbook is now the gaybook. A play-action pass is now a gay-action pass. Basically, don't expect the announcers to use the word play at all in September. 
The NFL is also renaming their initiative that encourages kids to play for 60 minutes each day to Gay 60.
Tight End, Ball Carrier, Sack, and End Around remain unchanged. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015

"Honey, I'm Good" Lyrical Breakdown

So there's a guy. He's out having at least one drink and his girlfriend is at home. It seems like he might be on a business trip.

He sees a girl, whether she's a waitress or other customer is unclear.

Here's what he tells us about her: She looks good. She has long, long legs. She'll make somebody's night. She's got that ass. And if this guy stays and has another drink, he might go home with her. 

Here's what he tells us about himself: She's got me all wrong. I've got somebody at home who already has all of my love. I'm going to stay true. 

So at the surface level, this guy seems like a great guy, right? He's staying true to his girlfriend. Just happens to be writing a humblebrag song about it, but still, great guy huh? Because this girl must be hitting on him pretty hard, for him to be turning down sex...

Let's look at her advances: 

You look good, I will not lie
But if you ask where I’m staying tonight
I gotta be like oh, baby, no, baby, you got me all wrong, baby
My baby’s already got all of my love

But IF you ask me... So this entire scenario where "you've got me all wrong" is hypothetical. She hasn't even asked this guy where he's staying tonight. For all we know, she hasn't acknowledged his presence at all. She literally doesn't say or do anything to this guy. But this guy who's super proud about not sleeping with her, has checked out her legs, ass, and is convinced that she's going to sleep with somebody tonight.

If anyone has anyone all wrong, it would appear the narrator has her all wrong. Because he's clearly thought about sleeping with her, and we have no indication that she's done the same. 

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Mark Fever 2015

2015 was a short trip, but we jammed as many games as we could into it.

Mark landed and we went straight to Fogo de Chao (lunch edition). After that, we played frisbee golf at Ken Caryl, then picked up Brit and the boys to go bowling.

Then we started in on the board games: Tsuro [gang war variant], Roll For It, Love Letter, and A Duel Betwixt Us.

On Tuesday, we hung out with the boys at Monkey Bizness, Which Wich, Crave, and played with the water guns.

We ended the night at JD's Bait Shop, playing foosball, darts and shuffleboard. We played a lot of games, didn't even have time to make any six-packs, but it was a great time. Below, was a 4-pointer in shuffleboard I got.

Hoagie Post!

This brought me back to the origin of Hoagie Central. It was August 2004. We had just moved in to Bash Court. I was shopping at Sam's--must have gone with someone that had a Sam's Card.

I bought a huge bag of hoagie rolls, at least 12, possibly 20. And enough ham and salami to fill them up. Since I had to eat them up before the bread went bad, I was eating a hoagie every day. I photoshopped a Hoagie Central graphic onto my class schedule. It was born.

This week we had been talking about sandwiches a lot at work, so I went to the store and got the stuff to do it right. Solid stuff.

Dave/Mark Burger History

Burger Bet Winners History

2016: Dave (yet to be redeemed)
2015: Dave (yet to be redeemed)
2014: Mark (redeemed at Crave in summer 15)
2013: Dave (redeemed at Crave in summer 14)
2012: Mark (redeemed at Crave in summer 13)
2011: Mark (redeemed at Park Burger in summer 12)
2010: Dave (redeemed at Ted's Montana Grill in summer 12)
2009: Dave (redeemed at Five Guys in summer 11)
2008: Dave (redeemed at Gaslight in summer 09)
2007: Mark (redeemed at Goose Island in summer 08)

Edit 8.5.15: Kind of amazing that it's 4-4 and that we've redeemed 5 of the 8 in Denver. Here are the burgers Mark and I got at Crave. The first one was a daily special, Jamaican Jerk Burger. It wasn't as good as it looks. 

This one is deceiving. Mark's bun is really two grilled cheese sandwiches. I had a bite and it was actually pretty good.

Barbecue Board Bet Winners History
2009: Mark (redeemed at Brickyard BBQ in summer 13)