Wednesday, October 31, 2007

ric bucher should be fired

Remember a couple months ago when Ric Bucher said there was a 0% chance of Kobe playing on opening day for the Lakers? I do. I captured it in this post.

Here's the thing. It's not that this guy got it wrong, and I should cut him some slack because everyone makes mistakes...It's that he went out of his way to make a bold prediction to get attention to himself, and he went as far as saying 0%. If he can get away with saying whatever he wants, and not be accountable, why should he continue to be a reporter.

Hold on, this just in from Hoagie Central Worldwide:

Breaking: There's a 100% chance that Manny Ramirez started taking steroids in 2004.*

But if it turns out that this story is wrong, who cares? Just chalk it up as a mistake.

in memoriam

ringtone #1
and my personal favorite: ringtone #2

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

great clip from the west wing

was watching this and thought this was great enough to post. then i found that it was already online. fantastic.

07 Picks: Week 8 Recap - Mark Only Lost $20

Week 8
Dave: 6-7 = Down $20
Mark: 0-1 = Down $20
Sports Guy: 7-6 = Up $20
Sports Gal: 6-7 = Down $20

On the Season
Dave: 58-49-9 = Up $180
Mark: 39-56-9 = Down $340
Sports Guy: 53-55-8 = Down $40
Sports Gal: 58-50-8 = Up $160

Fantasy Update
I'm surprised I didn't drop lower after an 81-point week. I'm 318 nationally--those Super Bowl Tickets are still within reach.

Monday, October 29, 2007

illinois going bowling?

I've held off until now, but with their 6th win of the year, the Illinois Fighting Football Illini are bowl elgible. Where will they end up? Here are the possibilities for Big Ten teams, in descending order:

1. National Championship (New Orleans)
2. Rose (Pasadena)
3. Capital One (Orlando)
4. Outback (Tampa)
5. Alamo (San Antonio)
6. Champs Sports (Orlando)
7. Insight (Tempe)

Here's a look at the 2006 Big Ten Bowls, with overall and conference records entering the bowl games:

1. National Championship: Ohio State 12-0/8-0
2. Rose: Michigan 11-1/7-1
3. Capital One: Wisconsin 11-1/7-1
4. Outback: Penn State 8-4/5-3
5. Alamo: Iowa 6-6/2-6
6. Champs Sports: Purdue 8-5/5-3
7. Insight: Minnesota 6-6/3-5

The way it worked out, the Big Ten had 7 eligible teams, and with 2 in BCS Bowls, there were enough spots for all 7. Interesting that the Alamo chose an Iowa team with a worse record than Purdue (and worse conf. record than Minn.)

So what's in shape this year?

It's too early to tell, but there could be some disappointed teams. I think it's likely that Michigan will be in the Rose Bowl. In fact, if they beat OSU, they could be in the Rose and OSU would be shut out of a BCS Bowl, and land in the Capital One. It's much better for the Illini if OSU lands in the Championship, saving more spots for the rest of the Big Ten.

It's also likely that Wisconsin and Penn State will get chosen ahead of Illinois. Assuming 2 conf teams in the BCS, that leaves Illinois fighting with Purdue and the rest of the Big Ten teams. Unfortunately, with 4 non-conference games this year, there could be 10 bowl eligible teams. Illinois needs to finish strong with wins over Minnesota and Northwestern to sew up a bowl appearance. One thing that might be in our favor? Ron Zook and a Chicago fan base might be more appealing than Indiana/Purdue and the like. Also, for anyone considering making the trip, all the bowls are nice spots to be around New Year's--there's no Detroit or Boise or Charlotte or Birmingham that would foul up any travel plans.

Site note: The Bonerjam is on the bye, just like the Chiefs. Suffice to say, that I hate the Patriots for ruining the NFL. 52-7? They've single-handedly erased parity.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

can you please just stick to basketball?

Kansas is 8-0 and 8th in the country?
Kentucky is 6-3 and beat #1 LSU?
UConn is 7-1, beat Louisville and South Florida, and is 13th in the BCS?

Seriously, if you're a basketball school, can you please stick to basketball?

At least Duke has the decency to be 0-5 in the ACC.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Hoagie Central's Giant Fucking Lock of the Week: Week 8

I hope you've been betting your kid's college tuition on my locks. Your kid just went from Western Illinois to Illinois State. Next stop: Illinois!

This Week's GFLW: Colts -6.5

This is my first time going with the Colts and sure, they could blow it on the road, but I don't think so.

Previous GFLW's (6-1)
Week 1: Steelers at -4.5 = Win by 27

Week 2: Bengals at -7 = Lose by 6
Week 3: Chiefs at -2.5 = Win by 3
Week 4: Patriots at -7 = Win by 21
Week 5: Patriots at -16.5 = Win by 17
Week 6: Patriots at -6 = Win by 21
Week 7: Seahawks at -8 = Win by 27

Thursday, October 25, 2007

the deadspin post that almost made me spit hot chocolate on my monitor

So you probably need to read the story first. Anyways, this little nugget from Will cracked me up and almost ruined a LCD monitor:

It's the funniest thing that Will's ever written.

Week 8 Picks: I'm like an ATM

Rams +3 over Browns
Bears -5 over Lions
Colts -6.5 over Panthers
Giants -9.5 over Dolphins
Raiders +7.5 over Titans
Vikings +1 over Eagles
Steelers -3.5 over Bengals
Bills +3 over Jets
Texans +11.5 over Chargers
Bucs -3.5 over Jags
49ers +2.5 over Saints
Patriots -16 over Redskins
Packers +3 over Broncos

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

07 Picks: Week 7 Recap - The Opposite of TOM

Week 7
Dave: 8-6 = Up $40
Mark: 6-8 = Down $40
Sports Guy: 8-6 = Up $40
Sports Gal: 10-4 = Up $120

On the Season
Dave: 52-42-9 = Up $200
Mark: 39-55-9 = Down $320
Sports Guy: 46-49-8 = Down $60
Sports Gal: 52-43-8 = Up $180

(For the record, at this point, even with a Vegas commission, I'd be up $105.36 on the season. Furthermore, if you went 8-7 in a week at 20/game, you'd come out 5 bucks ahead in Vegas)

Fantasy Bonus:
(162 nationally)

deadspinners really don't like this guy

I thought this post was mediocre, but not terrible. I am in the minority.

Monday, October 22, 2007


From over 5 years ago...

Hoagie Central's Monday Morning Bonerjam NFL Jumbalaya

The Bonerjam is back and is 3-3 heading into Week 7.

Buffalo beat the Ravens thanks to four field goals by Rian Lindell who is still pissed at his dad for spelling his name wrong on his birth certificate. Baltimore is one of those confusing teams, because just when you're convinced that they stink, they go and lose to Buffalo.

They Saints are Marching again! They were able to come back and beat the Falcons at home! Nothing can stop them now. Unless they play an opponent that doesn't have Joey Harrington on their roster. Meanwhile, Atlanta is absolutely shocked that they don't have the worst record in the league. Petrino said "I mean, we're still giving most of our carries to Warrick Dunn. We trotted out Leftwich and then backed him up with Harrington. How is there a team worse than us? We want that first pick, real bad!"

Neil Rackers executed the best onside kick I've ever seen. He then proceeded to miss the game winning field goal. He should have screwed up the onside kick because no one expected him to make that one.

The Giants beat the 49ers 33-15 and they continue to lead the league is upper arm exposure. Trent Dilfer was seen slamming his playbook to the ground. It was the best throw of his day.

The Dolphins dominated the time of possession throughout the game and outscored the Pats 21-7 in the second half. Am I the only one who thinks the Pats should be concerned the way they couldn't close out an opponent?

In the most exciting game of the day, the Texans came back from at 32-7 deficit in the fourth quarter to take the lead, only to lose it to the Titans on the final play of the game. The only thing that would have made this game more exciting is if it wasn't the Texans and the Titans.

The Lions beat the Bucs 23-6, or at least they should have, but they had a stupid roughing the passer penalty, and gave up on onside kick and 10 points later, they had to cover up another onside kick to avoid a complete meltdown. The Lions were doubled in passing yards, had ten less first downs and 11 minutes less in TOP. Clearly a great win for the Detroit franchise.

Priest Holmes! Priest Holmes! The Chiefs win with Priest Holmes! Who cares that he only had one good play, Priest Holmes won the game. He's so much nicer than Larry Johnson to the media, All Praise Priest!

Chad Pennington had three times as many touchdowns as Carson Palmer. Pennington should get a raise.

At the end of the first quarter, the Rams were only down by 4. It was anybody's game. Anybody except the Rams who are fucking terrible, yet somehow, not the worst team in the league.

BREAKING: The Philadelphia Eagles have cut their entire defense after giving up a 97-yard drive to Brian Griese in the last two minutes. Andy Reid was quoted as saying "I told them that 11 guys off the street wouldn't give up a touchdown like that, and I meant it. They're all fucking fired." He added "You going to finish that?" Also, because Griese came to life when his headset stopped working, some might think that Ron Turner stinks, and the Bears would be better off having Griese call the whole game. The truth is that they should keep Turner and just stop calling plays that involve Cedric Benson.

The Cowboys beat the Vikings because Minnesota forgot they have the NFL's leading rusher, and only gave him the ball 12 times. The Vikings coach later said "I'd love for Peterson to run the ball more, but Chester Taylor is holding my kids hostage in a basement somewhere. Also, he stinks."

The Broncos are 3-3, with all three wins coming on Elam last second field goals. It's easy enough to imagine that they could be 0-6, but if you try to imagine that they could also be 6-0, your head might explode.

Also, tonight, Colts! Jags! For the first time there's a decent Monday Night Game. First place is on the line in the best division in the league. The latest injury report: Manning was held out of practice all week, due to commercials for a sexual lubricant. "When you need to fit it in a tight hole, think of me, Peyton Manning. Sometimes, late in the game, you just see a tight window and you have to force it in. You know, like a true gunslinger."


Right now, I'm just playing hard every week to be a spoiler.

yet more chiefs balls

That's 9 in a row for the red and gold over the silver and black. Even worse for the Raiders, that's 17 straight divisional losses. That's bad. And if the Chiefs can win in Oakland, I feel good about their chances when the Raiders come to Arrowhead later this year.

Let's give out some game balls.

Hon. Mention: Priest Holmes

It's very good to see three-one back in the Chiefs' uniform again. And he showed that he still has speed when he earned a key first down when KC was running out the clock. He's not the star anymore, but I think he can still make positive contributions.

Hon. Mention: Dwayne Bowe

He earned this honor for breaking out of his route when he saw his quarterback in trouble, on the run, and turned it into a game changing 50-yard+ reception.

#3: Larry Johnson

Through 7 games, he's got 2 touchdowns and averaging 3.6 a carry and 72/game. That's not what you're counting on from "one of the best backs in the league" but he helped win this game with 2 key 3rd down conversions on the game winning drive, plowing ahead for the touchdown.

#2: Jarrad Page

How many times have you seen the team down 2 come down and all they need is a few passes to get into field goal range and win the game. The Broncos did it last night and the Titans did it earlier in the day. But the Raiders couldn't because Page came up with a huge interception. That's a game winning play.

#1: Jared Allen and the rest of the defense

Some might see a 12-10 victory and call it ugly. Not Herm. And not Jared Allen. This Chiefs' defense is 6th in points allowed and is a certifiable top ten defense. (Of course it helps when you play the Raiders and not the Pats, but still). Allen leads the league in sacks despite only playing in 5 games due to a suspension. The Chief's lost both of those games by the way, meaning with Allen in the game they are 4-1.

Breaking: Entire Patriots Roster Admits to Using HGH

BOSTON, Mass. -- In a surprise press conference, The New England Patriots admitted that they started taking HGH this offseason. Although, to be fair, they said that some of their players started it long before this offseason: Bruschi in 2004, Vrabel in 2003, Brady in 2000 and Seau in 1993. Also of note, Brady is probable for Week 8 vs Redskins.

- - -

Of course this is satire. It would be ridiculous for such a great team like the Patriots to be found guilty of breaking the rules of the game.

Friday, October 19, 2007

my night of being a rutgers fan

Last night the softball team went out to our usual sports bar for our end of the year party. There were fun awards (I won the Cy Young award for the second year in a row) and it was a good time. The main reason we go to this bar is that their Thursday special (our gameday) is 10 cent wings, and they are some of the best wings I've ever had. Last night we probably ate about 150 wings and drank 27 pitchers. For a grand total bill of $248.

Anywho, as we were drinking and settling in to focus on game 5 of the ALCS, we couldn't help but notice they group of 5 or 6 USF fans, wearing green and gold and cheering on the South Florida Bulls. They were playing Rutgers and this was USF's time in the spotlight to shine as the #2 team in the country. And this group was really loud, they even brought a cowbell and were ringing when USF scored.

Well, because I'm obnoxious and I thought it was ludicrous that there was this sort of passion for the USF football team in a random Chicago bar, I took it upon myself to start rooting for Rutgers, only to spite this group of fans that was about 10 feet away from our team. I was able to rope in a fellow softball team member to root for Rutgers with me and we certainly made our presence felt.

When Rutgers took the lead, we were cheering and one of the guys stood up and turned around and sort of glared us, partly confused. Then, they started ramping up their USF support. They were now ringing their cowbell when they got a first down, and were yelling at the refs.

When USF scored to make it 27-30, a different guy stood up, made both of his hands into the shape of a gun pointed at me, pretended to shoot me, and said "Boom."

These guys were for real.

Of course, Rutgers would go on to win, and a different fan ended up breaking something, it may have been a beer bottle. They were not pleased. But that's what you get for rooting for USF.

Hoagie Central's Giant Fucking Lock of the Week: Week 7

Hmmm...Do I ride the Pats again? Do I take the Steelers on the road? Can I count on the Rams to stink that bad?

This Week's GFLW: Seahawks -8

Here's my logic: The Seahawks are at home again, and will look to rebound against the Rams. The Rams stink. Seahawks win by at least 10.

Previous GFLW's (5-1)
Week 1: Steelers at -4.5 = Win by 27

Week 2: Bengals at -7 = Lose by 6
Week 3: Chiefs at -2.5 = Win by 3
Week 4: Patriots at -7 = Win by 21
Week 5: Patriots at -16.5 = Win by 17
Week 6: Patriots at -6 = Win by 21

this just in...

On Thursday's podcast, Bill Simmons said and I quote,"I have done no taunting with the Pats. I really haven't. I've graciously enjoyed this 6-0 streak."

Perhaps he has a different definition of gracious, considering his 1,401 word article called "Kneel before the Pats -- 'cause the Pats ain't kneeling" or last week's picks column called "Magical times in Beantown."

Whatever. He can boast however he wants, but don't claim that you haven't been taunting the rest of the league with a sentence like "Maybe the 2007 Pats were caught stealing signals, but only one signal matters anymore: two middle fingers turned toward the sky."

just for the record...

The last time the Raiders beat the Chiefs...was 2002. (The Raiders Super Bowl year).

That's 8 in a row. In a fierce rivalry.

Sure you can expect the Chiefs to win at home against almost anybody, but the Chiefs winning four years in a row on the road? That's pretty incredible...can it keep going?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Week 7 Picks: Riding the Wave

Before I continue making my hot streak picks...I'm going to go out on a limb and pick:

Going for it on 4th and shlong +13 over The Kid-Iron (in fact, I'm predicting the outright upset)

By the way these games seem a lot tougher to call than last week. Hmmm...

Redskins -9 over Cardinals
Saints -8 over Falcons
Bills +3 over Ravens
Vikings +9.5 over Cowboys
Giants -9 over 49ers
Bucs +2 over Lions
Texans +1 over Titans
Chiefs +3 over Raiders
Pats -16.5 over Fins
Bengals -6 over Jets
Bears +5 over Eagles
Seahawks -8 over Rams
Steelers -3.5 over Broncos
Colts -3 over Jags

(I originally liked the Ravens, but switched because I didn't want to take that many favorites.)

Road to the Super Bowl?

I was thinking about how the Chiefs' best year this decade was 2003, and that like this year, their out of conference games were against the NFC North. I was wondering if that might have helped their 03 season. Here's a look at who the Super Bowl teams have been lined up against, going back only til 2002 when the divisions were realigned.

Colts faced NFC East
Bears faced AFC East

Steelers faced NFC South
Seahawks faced AFC South

Patriots faced NFC West
Eagles faced AFC North

Patriots faced NFC East
Panthers faced AFC South

Raiders faced NFC West
Bucs faced AFC North

AFC South 2
AFC North 2
NFC West 2
NFC East 2
AFC East 1
NFC South 1
AFC West 0
NFC North 0

Well, no division has consistently paved the way as a doormat to the Super Bowl. The AFC West and NFC North are the only divisions to not have a Conference winner go through their schedule.

Ironically, this trend would not bode well for any teams in the AFC West or NFC North, since these divisions are playing against each other this year. Bad news for the Chargers or Packers.

If you were looking for a scheduling edge between the Pats and Colts, the Pats are facing the NFC East (2) while the Colts play the NFC South (1).

As always, Hoagie Central takes you deeper.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

the moves of bill simmons

Clearly, based on the way he handles the ball, he should be the starting point guard for the Celtics. Also, he can dunk.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

activate beast mode

This is worth it for only after the 3/4 mark, when woody paige activates beast mode.


So even if the Pats do look like the best time I've ever seen, it still probably likely that they do drop a game, maybe against the Colts...but one thing that won't be working against them, is that Belichick won't let up. You heard Dungy say they ultimate goal was winning a Super Bowl two years ago...but Bill already has 3 of them. Sure he wants a 4th, but wouldn't being the best team ever be the ultimate goal for this team? I can't imagine him resting players if they are still undefeated at 14 or 15.

07 Picks: Week 6 Recap - Time to Release TOM

Week 6
Dave: 7-4-2 = Up $60
Mark: 4-7-2 = Down $60
Sports Guy: 4-7-2 = Down $60
Sports Gal: 5-6-2 = Down $20

On the Season
Dave: 44-36-9 = Up $160
Mark: 33-47-9 = Down $280
Sports Guy: 38-43-8 = Down $100
Sports Gal: 42-39-8 = Up $60

Bonus: Just to show you that I can do everything except draft a fantasy team:

(429th overall)

he touched it, get over it

Although he had already scored 3 runs on the road since the famous play at the plate, Matt Holliday officially touched the home plate at Coors Field when he hit a 3-run home run in the 4th inning last night.

So now, everyone must stop using the same joke whenever they bring up Matt Holiday, that he still hasn't touched home plate. Because he has.

Monday, October 15, 2007

the list of things that went wrong so that i could lose

1. I traded Adrian Peterson
2. I traded him to Matt who I was playing against this week
3. Sammy Morris got injured and had 1 point.
4. I benched Drew Brees who had 21.
5. I started Kurt Warner who got injured and fumbled on the same play.
6. I chose Kurt Warner over replacements such as Cleo Lemon or Huard that were available and would have gotten me enough points to win.
7. Westbrook gets a lot of touches, no touchdowns
8. Vincent Jackson get 5 receiving yards. He had 14 points last week.

Hoagie Central's Monday Morning Bonerjam NFL Jumbalaya

The Bonerjam is back on after a bye in week 5:

Gus Frerotte thought it would be really swell for his team if they could replicate the Cowboys win over the Bills. He did his part by throwing 5 picks, just like Romo. But I guess the defense let him down. Also, Brian Leonard proved that being white should be considered an injury for running backs.

In a classic NFC North defensive struggle, there were 8 touchdowns, all for more than 30 yards. The Bears became the first defense to give up 3 60-yard+ plays from scrimmage. But on the bright side they have Hester! On the dull side, welcome to last the NFC North.

The Dolphins-Browns games was blacked out nationally, by edict of Commissioner Goodell, "For the good of the league." I can tell you that Derek Anderson might be the best NFL quarterback named Derek. Meanwhile, Cleo Lemon had 4 touchdowns while losing to the Browns. That sentence has a lot of parts that don't make a lot of sense.

Brett Favre announced his retirement after beating the Redskins 17-14, saying "Now that I've broken the record for most interceptions, there isn't much motivation for me to keep playing."

The Jaguars simply don't care that they don't have any fans, they're going to keep winning anyways. Meanwhile the AFC South is really good...

Assuming that Vince Young isn't out for too long. Sure a lot of people might point to the Madden jinx, but maybe it's the McNabb jinx--karmic payback for when VY chose not to defend McNabb's comments earlier in the year. Or maybe God just doesn't want things to go to well for Kige Ramsey.

At Arrowhead, Marvin Lewis was quoted as saying, "Why don't we play these games on paper. The League should look into that."

The Eagles are 2-0 in games with throwback jerseys and 0-3 in games with current jerseys. Bring back the canary blue!

It's Rattay vs Testaverde! You don't even know what teams they're playing for! Some team out west, right? Like the 49ers or something. Cardinals, huh? Okay. Vinny's only touchdown was on they brilliant play call of "Smith, go deep"

This New England team is pretty good, but I guess we'll find out how good next week, when they have to go ON THE ROAD to Miami.

Tomlinson 4 touchdowns. I think he was just hustling the people in his FFL so that he could trade for himself.

Reggie Bush had a 100-yard rushing game against the Seahawks. That it is, he had one, until he lost yards, finishing with 97. But the player of the game was, you guessed it, Pierre Thomas. He had the first score of the game, setting the tone for the Saints.

And as for the game that hasn't been played, ESPN is really pissed about the whole Vick thing. In their commercials for the Giants-Falcons game they highlight: Eli Manning, Plaxico Burress and the Giants Defense going against...wait for it...the Falcons. Zero name recognition players according to ESPN.

even more chiefs balls

Great win over the Bengals, right? Hoagie Central takes you deeper...

You might think LJ gets a game ball for his 119 plus a TD performance but no.

He had 3 long runs of 20, 22, and 34, but that 34 yarder was worthless as he fumbled it on the 1 through the endzone. In the second half he had 15 carries and only 13 yards. Sure you can blame the line, but fumble on the 1 and you're lucky that the Chiefs still won.

#3: Damon Huard

He outplayed Carson Palmer, mostly because he was facing a weaker defense. But still, 25/35 and no picks. Plus he had two touchdowns and when they needed him. Herm gets an honrable mention for putting in the right quarterback.

#2: Tony Gonzalez

Sure he set the record for most touchdowns by a tight end, but it was more than that. It was extending drives, it was being the go to guy, getting over a 100 yards, and two touchdowns that would be the difference.

#1: Jared Allen and the rest of the Defense

27 points is good, but might not be enough to beat a team with that kind of offensive firepower. But after giving up the lead on a 4-play Bengal drive, the defense turned it on. They had 4 sacks and 3 forced turnovers including 2.5 sacks and a forced fumble from Jared Allen, who was in Palmer's face all day. That's why the Chiefs' won.

Although it scares me a lot that they can't run to protect the lead and the defense played soft in the 4th quarter, forgetting how they got the lead. If there would have been a 5th quarter, the Chiefs would have lost.

he has a nose for the ball

So I put some doggy treats on the pylon to see if Rocky could figure out how to get them...

Friday, October 12, 2007

Hoagie Central's Giant Fucking Lock of the Week: Week 6

This Week's GFLW: Patriots -6

So I'm taking the Patriots three weeks in a row. Does that make me cheap? No, I think it makes me smart. Dallas is on a short week going up against SuperCoach. I'm sure he's been planning for two weeks at least -- that would explain the paltry 17 point win against the Browns.

Previous GFLW's (4-1)
Week 1: Steelers at -4.5 = Win by 27

Week 2: Bengals at -7 = Lose by 6
Week 3: Chiefs at -2.5 = Win by 3
Week 4: Patriots at -7 = Win by 21
Week 5: Patriots at -16.5 = Win by 17

Thursday, October 11, 2007

introducing The Waiver Wire

This new band just released their first EP, "The Great American Bonerjam."

Click here to give them a listen.

Week 6 picks: 13-0, I can feel it

Chiefs +3 over Bengals
Jags -6.5 over Texans
Browns -4.5 over Fins
Vikings +5.5 over Bears
Eagles -3 over Jets
Rams +9.5 over Ravens
Titans +3 over Bucs
Packers -3 over Redskins
Cardinals -4 over Panthers
Pats -6 over Cowboys
Raiders +9.5 over Chargers
Seahawks -6.5 over Saints
Giants -3.5 over Falcons

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

sippio is due

He's easily the blackest of these three receivers. Put him in the game, Herm! I mean, you are playing to win the game, right?

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

both announcers with their heads up their asses

Although I was surprised as anyone that Harbaugh was going for the tie.

Kansas City Recap 2 of 2: The Game

Well, what can I say? The Chiefs didn't show up. They had a good first drive, got into the red zone, and then had to settle for a field goal, and he hooked an easy kick. We couldn't run the ball at all, and just didn't get anything going. But we did have great seats. Here are some pics:

07 Picks: Week 5 Recap - Bad Week For Everyone

Week 5
Dave: 5-8-1 = Down $60
Mark: 4-9-1 = Down $100
Sports Guy: 3-11 = Down $160
Sports Gal: 5-9 = Down $80

On the Season
Dave: 37-32-7 = Up $100
Mark: 29-40-7 = Down $220
Sports Guy: 34-36-6 = Down $40
Sports Gal: 37-33-6 = Up $80

*The Cardinals line had moved to 3.5 for the Sports Guy/Gal so they did not push.

mendenhall 4 heisman!

The bandwagon is overflowing!

rundown of field goal timeouts

Broncos 20, Raiders 20 in OT
Raiders make first kick, then second kick hits upright
Broncos win 23-20.

Raiders 26, Browns 24 at :03
Browns make first kick, then second kick is blocked
Raiders win 26-24

Auburn 17, Florida 17 at :03
Auburn makes first kick, then make second kick
Auburn wins 20-17

Bills 24, Cowboys 22 at :02
Cowboys make first kick, then make second kick
Cowboys win 25-24

As noted in the Fanhouse and Deadspin, every time the kicker has made it the first time. The time that kicker misses and they give him another chance will be the last time for a while.

i don't stink at this

(I'm 965th amongst all fans)

Kansas City Recap 1 of 2: The Barbecue

We had 22 hours in Kansas City, including about 9 hours of sleep and 3 hours of football. But in that 22 hours, I managed to get 3 meals of KC barbecue. (All of these are high-res, click to get tasty detail) Here's what went down:

Saturday 5 pm: Oklahoma Joe's

This was literally the first thing we did as we arrived in the city. Their house specialty, according to their menu, is the pulled pork sandwich. I thought about getting the Hogmaniac Saturday special, but knew I needed to pace myself.

They offered a jumbo pork sandwich, but I ordered the regular size. Still, I was a little underwhelmed that the meat didn't cover the entire bun. The pork was very good as was their sauce. The fries were nicely seasoned as well, and the portions of the sides were huge. The whole meal was very good, although not that remarkable.

Pork Sandwich: A-
BBQ Sauces: A
Fries: A
Onion Rings: A-
Cole Slaw: C

Overall: A-

Saturday 10pm: Fiorella's Jack Stack (carryout)

This place had some of the best reviews I've seen, although some were critical that it was too upscale--that barbecue should be eaten with a roll of paper towels, not white table clothes. And I don't disagree. But I had carry out, so I'm only commenting on what I ate. I ordered the Burnt End special, a 1/2 pound of both pork and beef burnt ends (a KC specialty) that included fries and beans.

I'm very glad I ordered the pork and beef combo--when I just said burnt end special, the guy asked "Beef?" Well, after thinking it over, I am going to go on record as saying the pork burnt ends are the best barbecue I've ever had.

Just incredible. So tender and flavorful that I didn't dare add any sauce to it, and I'm a guy who usually bathes my meat in sauce. Just out of this world.

The beef on the other hand, had a good flavor, but were chewy, and just okay. The beans were perfect but the fries were mediocre. All in all though, a great place, and I would definitely go back and order the pork burnt ends.

Pork Burnt Ends: A+++
Beef Burnt Ends: B
Sauce: A-
Beans: A+
Fries: C

Overall: A

Sunday 11:30 am: Gates at Arrowhead

This was a bonus. The last two times I've been to Arrowhead, I looked and looked for any barbecue concessions and couldn't find any. Of course, I was on the 300 level of the visitor's bench. This time, On the lower level on the Chiefs's side, there were two Gates' locations. Talk about hog heaven. Pun intended!

I got the pork on bun:

I must say I was a little worried that Gates, my hometown favorite, might not be as good as the other places....that all these years I've been going to a second-rate 'cue place. Well, my fears were put to rest. This pork sandwich was sliced fresh and it was delicious. Their sauce doesn't mess around, it is hot and it is good.

And as I sat there in the Arrowhead seats watching the Chiefs warm up, it was just about perfect.

Pork on Bun: A
Sauce: A

Overall: A

Of course, it's important to remember that you can't judge an entire place on one thing. If I would have only had the beef at Jack Stack, I would have been sorely disappointed. Anyways, it was quite a delicious weekend.

Monday, October 08, 2007

at least i'm not a bills fan

Actually, I have no interest in Buffalo, and have nothing against Dallas, but I just got a little sick watching that game. And then I thought back to the 06 Bills Deadspin preview and the 07 preview, and I just felt worse and worse. I'm pretty sure that if I was a Bills fan I wouldn't be going to work tomorrow, and I wouldn't be going to bed anytime soon. Knowing me, I would probably drown my sorrows by eating an entire frozen pizza or something. God, just ugh.

Friday, October 05, 2007

the d. bowe show guest starring hoagie central

I'm the #2 result for d bowe and #1 for d bowe show:

Hoagie Central's Giant Fucking Lock of the Week: Week 5

This Week's GFLW: Patriots -16.5 over Browns

This is the biggest line on the board, but I think it's the safest too.

Previous GFLW's (3-1)
Week 1: Steelers at -4.5 = Win by 27

Week 2: Bengals at -7 = Lose by 6
Week 3: Chiefs at -2.5 = Win by 3
Week 4: Patriots at -7 = Win by 21 Injury Report

Chiefs vs Jaguars: Me Edition

Just a reminder that we're going to be here on Sunday at noon:

Section 122, Row 10:(click to see giant size)

I'm a little surprised that Jacksonville is getting so much love. Not only are they favored, but both Mike AND Mike picked the Jags +2. Peter King and the ESPN braintrust all like the Jags. I the only one that realizes the Chiefs are really good at home? They have the best home record dating back to 1990 (103-34). Whatever, maybe I'm just biased.

But keep an eye on the score for me, knowing that I'll be rocking the D-Bowe jersey in that sea of red.

Update: About 2/3 of the way through this podcast, the 2 guys end up picking the Chiefs to win, and then this happens:

Guy 1: Can you believe that? The Chiefs could be 3-2. That's ridiculous.
Guy2: (Incredulously) Wow.

baseball hamper dump: playoff edition

The whole time I was hoping the Cubs would make the playoffs, because it's more fun when they do. Of course, I was also hoping that there would be some sort of Bartmanesque controversy that results in the Cubs losing the series (perhaps even the World Series). If they had been on the Padres end of the Holliday slide, that would have been sufficient. But alas, it looks as they will shrink into the night with the only thing to gripe about is Zambrano coming out before the 7th. (My take: he had to come out after the 7th, so you had to bring a relief pitcher in eventually. Even if he comes in the 8th, he still probably gives up those runs. And it's not as if the Cubs were winning anyways. )

But I was struck by something, particularly as I'm packing my Chiefs-Jaguars tickets...I do feel sorry for the home team when the lose, particularly the Phillies. Although I happen to be rooting for the Rockies because of how they made the playoffs, it really sucks to get on a hot streak, win the division, get home field advantage, buy playoff tickets, take off of work, and sit there and watch the fucking Rockies win two games in your stadium.

As for the Rockies, I started rooting for them when there were still a couple games out, and they weren't even mention in the playoff picture. And then it seemed like the Padres were a lock, and Colorado never gave up. And then they had the 1-game playoff and the comeback in the 13th and the play at the plate...

So I'm watching it live, and I see Holliday slide and I see the catcher drop the ball, and I'm mentally screaming at him, "Touch the plate! Touch the plate! All you have to do is turn over and you win the game!" But he was hurt, didn't try to touch the plate, and they gave it to him. So even on the first look, I knew he didn't get it.

As much fun as it was to see the Yankees lose, Red Sox-Indians isn't nearly as compelling as Red Sox-Yankees. And playing the Diamondbacks is no fun either. The Cubs would be the most interesting NL Champ, and I guess the Rockies would be better than the D-backs.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Week 5 Picks

Saints -3 over Panthers

Seriously, the Saints aren't that bad. They're at home, they're coming off a bye, they've gotta find a way to beat Carr-olina.

Chiefs +2 over Jags

So they 0-2 Chiefs were 3-point favorites against at home against the Vikings. Now they're 2-2, and they're at home, and they're underdogs to the Jags? They did beat Denver, but their other win was against Atlanta...

Redskins -3.5 over Lions

They're begging me to take the Lions. Last time that happened they lost by 100. I'm not falling for it again.

Titans -8 over Falcons

The Titans are for real. 8 is a lot, but I think they win big.

Texans -5 over Dolphins

The Texans bounce back at home. The Dolphins can't win at home, so why will they win on the road?

Steelers -6 over Seahawks

I knew the Steelers weren't the elite team that everyone thought they were after week 3, because they hadn't beaten anybody good. But too much home field.

Patriots -16.5 over Browns

I don't like picking this many favorites, but I would pick the Pats plus 26 right now.

Rams +3 over Cardinals

I might be smoking crack, but I think the Cardinals are a letdown after last week's win. I wish I was getting like 8 points though.

Giants -3 over Jets

The Giants are hot. They'll probably lose because that's how mixed-up the league is, but I'm still taking them.

Bucs +10 over Colts

With Addai questionable, I'm not going to pay the Colt tax.

Chargers +1 over Broncos

The Chargers have been embarrassed. I think LT gets 80 carries for 400 and they win as an underdog for the first time in a while.

Ravens -3 over 49ers

I started typing how bad the Ravens are, and then I remembered the Niners are starting Trent Dilfer.

Packers -3 over Bears

3 points? Really? Not like 20?

Cowboys -10 over Bills

This is MNF and Dallas will not let up. This is over by the 2nd quarter.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

2007 softball pics

don't tease me

Who knew teasers were this easy?

Last Week:

Patriots -1 over Bengals
Cowboys -6.5 over Rams
Chiefs +17.5 over Chargers

The Pats covered by 20, the Cowboys by 21.5 and the Chiefs by 31.5. So if I would have bet 100 bucks, I would have won $180.

This week I'm upping the ante to a four team teaser which pays 300 bucks on a $100 bet:

Gamble-Tron 2000 Shoe-In Teaser of the Week™:

Pats -10 over Browns
Chiefs +8 over Jags
Steelers -.5 over Seahawks
Cardinals +3 over Rams

douchebag still doesn't get it

guessing the lines with dave, mark, sal and bill

(all lines are for the home team)