Hoagie Central's Monday Morning Bonerjam NFL Jumbalaya

What a great weekend of football. It started Saturday with the wild upsets in college, so much so, that Illinois knocking off Penn State got largely overlooked--to be fair, it wasn't much of an upset. Illinois was only a 3-point underdog. Also, I just looked at this weeks spreads, and somehow the line has opened with Illinois being a 2.5-point favorite. Over #5 Wisconsin? Really? That doesn't seem right. (Sagarin has us rated as #40, and Wisconsin as #24)

Anyways, on to the Bonerjam.

The Falcons win using the "Weekend at Bernie's" Strategy. They brought out the rotting corpse of Morten Andersen and he makes 4 field goals, including at 46 yarder. After the game, they re-buried him in order to keep him fresh for next week.

The Bills proved the adage "It's really hard to go winless." Bet against Buffalo the rest of the year. But don't bet on the Jets either.

Meanwhile, Miami is really trying hard to disprove that theory. Perhaps the 07 Dolphins will set a new record at 0-16, and then every year when the last winless team wins a game, they will break out the Champagne.

BREAKING: Romeo Crennel has just quit his position of Cleveland Browns Head Coach. After defeating the Ravens 27-13, he has decided to go out on a high note. He was quoted as saying "There's no way in hell we should be in 2nd place right now. I'm getting the fuck outta here!"

Just like when Dante Hall was with the 2003 Chiefs, his punt return for a touchdown proved to be the game changing play. Without that return, the Rams would have lost by 35 instead of just 28. Also, Brees over Romo right now is the new Bowie over Jordan.

The Packers are 4-0, but the real story was Brett Favre breaking an NFL record. Sunday marked the 422 time that he has been referred to as a "gunslinger."

Tampa Bay is running away with the division. On a related note, Oprah is homeless and yesterday it was raining toast.

After Alex Smith was injured on the third play, Trent Dilfer came in and threw for 400 yards and 7 touchdowns as the 49ers trounced the Seahawks. I''m kidding of course. Dilfer stinks, Gore can't get more than 80 yards, and the Seahawks didn't fumble any handoffs so I guess they won.

The Cardinals beat the Steelers, but after the game Mike Tomlin suggested that the Cardinals coaching staff might have had some inside information. Great, just when Patriotgate is dying down, another spying scandal.

Peyton is so selfish and arrogant, I'm sure that he drafted himself #1 overall in fantasy. After Addai worked hard to get the ball to the 1, what does Peyton call? QB sneak. Jerk.

After 4 weeks, I've figured this all out. The best team in the league is not the Patriots. The best team in the league is...the Canary/Periwinkle Eagles. The worst team in the league is the Green/White Eagles.

Hester almost ruined it. Everything was falling into place on a Chicago fan's worst nightmare list. The Lions were playing poorly, and after a greasy pick six, the Bears were losing. Then Hester goes and takes the lead back. Thankfully, the Bears blow it at the end, and now their fans don't know what to think. Grossman? Griese? Orton? Can we get somebody to play defense? Here's the new gameplan: Hester at QB.

And then...the Chiefs. 12-point underdogs on the road, and they win by 14. Of course, what is everyone talking about? How Norv Turner blew it. And that's fine. Although both Will Leitch and Keith Olbermann used the same joke, namely using the Chiefs name as the punchline, as in how could anyone lose to the Chiefs. (Nevermind that the Chiefs went to the playoffs last year, have split with the Chargers the last two years). Regardless, it begs the questions, why was anyone complaining about Martyball last year when the Chargers were 14-2?

And as for Monday Night Football, the best offense goes up against the #30th defense. Did I mention the Pats also have the best defense? Well, they may be #1 in both offense and defense, but just wait a couple weeks until the Patriots get all their players back from injury. Then they might turn out to do something. (Sigh)