Saturday, December 31, 2005
Bengals 17, Chiefs 30
Even though technically the Chiefs are still alive for the last wild card spot, I've already begun looking back on the season. Although I really wanted them to make the playoffs, especially because that might keep Vermeil around a little longer, they aren't a good enough team - especially on the road - to beat the Steelers, Pats, Broncos, or the Colts. I see the Colts a mortal lock to go to the Super Bowl, so what would a wild-card berth have meant? Most likely a first round loss. That said, this season was pretty darn good, great wins, great plays, great performances, highs and lows, but always exciting.
I hope Chad Johnson scores and does something bananas. And I wouldn't mind seeing Dante take one to the house. But overall I am pretty confident with the Chiefs at home (with this game being played in January their December home winning streak will stay at 18 for a long while).
And I love the playoffs, regardless of who's playing. Plus fantasy will have a clean slate. Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Also the holidays, have meant a leave of absence from the internet, and thus no SportsCorner. Here are some backordered Week 16 Prediction recaps. Also, I started watching the Alamo Bowl with Michigan down 4 and 4 minutes remaining. Just in time to see a no-call of pass interference on 4th down, and the craziest play since Cal-Stanford. Great stuff.
The actual scores are on the left, with my predictions on the right in italics. Correct picks are in bold, with games reading Visitor, Home.
Friday, December 23, 2005
For decades the Steelers have been known for defense, and it's still their foundation. The Bill Walsh West Coast offense helped San Fran move the ball year after year. But if you just started watching football recently, SF might seem like the cellar team of the league. Which brings me to my point. Especially in this day of free agency and parity, teams can go from winners to lose, and rewrite their identites.
I imagine someone, perhaps they heard about fantasy football, and this is their first season watching the NFL. San Francisco and Green Bay are in contention for the worst record. The Bengals, Colts, and Patriots are the top AFC contenders.
Even for me, it is still weird to see that the Browns and Bengals were serious Super Bowl contenders in the 80's, considering that for all of the 90's they have been a laughing stock.
Here's a look at the final standings from 2004, 1999, and 1994. Heck, the league has grown from 28 to 31 to 32 teams in those increments.
San Fran went from #1 seed in NFC and Super Bowl Champs in 94 to #1 draft pick possibility.
In 94, the Rams were last in their division in LA. 5 years later they won the Super Bowl in St. Louis.
In 99, the Pats were last in their division. 5 years later they have won 3 Super Bowls.
In 99, the Eagles were last in their division, 5 years later they have been to 4 NFC championship games.
The Jags weren't in the league in 94. By 99 they were the #1 seed in the AFC, and (this can't be right) beat the Dolphins 62-7 in the playoffs. The Jaguars?
In the past 4 years, the AFC West has been won by 4 different teams.
Also in 94, 4 of the 6 NFC playoff teams was from the Central. Only the Bucs didn't make it.
The Redskins went from last in 94, to first in 99, to last in 04.
In 94 the Oilers went from last, to a Super Bowl appearance in 99 as the Titans. Then back to last in 04.
The point of all of this is that it is really hard to maintain a winning team. It is hard to keep good players on offense and defense at the same time. With so much parity, you really have to respect what New England has done. Also, if your a Lion's fan, and even though they were 3rd place at every increment, you can have a little hope that franchises do get turned around. And if you're a Bears fan:
1998 Rams were last in their division - 1999 Rams win SB.
2000 Pats were last in their division - 2001 Pats win SB.
2004 Bears were last in their division...
Bills 10, Bengals 31
Cowboys 17, Panthers 24
Lions 10, Saints 21
Jaguars 14, Texans 13
Giants 17, Redskins 21
Steelers 20, Browns 14
Chargers 27, Chiefs 28
49ers 14, Rams 17
Titans 17, Dolphins 23
Eagles 13, Cardinals 16
Colts 17, Seahawks 20
Raiders 3, Broncos 23
Bears 16, Packers 7
Vikings 17, Ravens 13
Patriots 24, Jets 3
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
This week: 8-8
The actual scores are on the left, with my predictions on the right in italics. Correct picks are in bold, with games reading Visitor, Home.
Bucs 0, Patriots 28 Bucs 17, Patriots 23
Chiefs 17, Giants 27 Chiefs 31, Giants 24
Broncos 28, Bills 17 Broncos 20, Bills 12
Cardinals 19, Texans 30 Cardinals 17, Texans 13
Panthers 27, Saints 10 Panthers 20, Saints 17
Jets 20, Dolphins 24 Jets 9, Dolphins 16
Eagles 17, Rams 16 Eagles 13, Rams 16
Steelers 18, Vikings 3 Steelers 20, Vikings 23
Chargers 26, Colts 17 Chargers 24, Colts 28
Seahawks 28, Titans 24 Seahawks 23, Titans 17
49ers 9, Jaguars 10 49ers 7, Jaguars 14
Bengals 41, Lions 17 Bengals 20, Lions 10
Browns 9, Raiders 7 Browns 14, Raiders 17
Cowboys 7, Redskins 35 Cowboys 24, Redskins 14
Falcons 3, Bears 16 Falcons 10, Bears 13
Packers 3, Ravens 48 Packers 16, Ravens 10
I was off by 6 on the total score for 49ers-Jags and 10 for the Falcons-Bears.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The Texans best player is a RB. They'll be obligated to take Bush #1, but really they need massive help. Carr isn't that bad. Trade the pick. Bush is a great player, he belongs on a franchise with a history of winning. Bush to SF.
1. San Fran: Reggie Bush
So who needs a QB? About 20 teams come to mind... But really the Saints, Jets, Ravens, Dolphins.
Lienart to New York. Star Power. Jets trade up a few spots, give Houston some picks and an OL, get a star.
1. San Fran: Reggie Bush
2. New York: Matt Lienart (from Houston)
The Saints could be in San Antonio and they need a QB. Maybe someone who can run...
1. San Fran: Reggie Bush
2. New York: Matt Lienart (from Houston)
3. New Orleans: Vince Young
Houston can't trade Reggie Bush away, so they need to get out of the #1 spot. The 49ers need Reggie Bush, so they need to get out. Look for San Fran to throw the rest of the season away. If anything can save Alex Smith's career, it's REG-GIE!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
(If you're ever in a bum mood about the performance of your favorite sporting team, try listening to Jim Mora rant about the woeful Saints of the mid-90's. Fantastic. Always cheers me up.)
The Bears finally put in Grossman just to see if he could fare better than Orton.
Granted, Grossman did throw a pick. (Didn't Orton throw 5 in a game this year?) But if you watched his arm, it is much better. He has confidence throwing the ball, defenses will have to respect that, opening up the running game. And with longer drives, that helps the defense even more by controlling the clock and letting them rest. (Unless you think that the Bears D played so well, with the intent on scoring themselves, because they knew their offense couldn't score. But that's another debate.)
I will play Devil's Advocate for one minute: Often replacement QB's find success because the other defense relaxes thinking this will be easier, or they haven't studied film on this QB. If Grossman regains the starting position, then he needs to have success with a team that has prepared for him, before he can be appointed Savior. And before people start talking about the Super Bowl.
But now that Devil's Advocate is over, the Bears are a legitimate Super Bowl team. They can get a bye, and home field until the NFC Championship. With Grossman keeping the other team honest, the Bears can score just enough to beat anybody at home. That puts them in Seattle, with a 50/50 chance of getting to Detroit. The Seahawks are real good, but what happens if Hasslebeck needs to score in the 2nd half and he forces one. The Bears defense wins the game and punches a one-way ticket to the Motor City. (Actually, they should probably go for the round-trip ticket. I wouldn't want to stay in Detroit that long. Scary.)
He's the part where I praise myself. I was calling for Grossman 2 weeks ago, when everyone was caught up in "Orton's 8-game winning streak." Let me reiterate: Chicago won 8 games in a row, not because of Orton, but in spite of him.
AFC Wild Card Predictions:
Patriots d. Jaguars
Bengals d. Steelers
Colts d. Patriots
Broncos d. Bengals
Colts d. Broncos
NFL Wild Card:
Bears d. Redskins
Panthers d. Bucs
Bears d. Giants
Seahawks d. Panthers
Seahawks d. Bears
Colts d. Seahawks
In the first round of the final four playoffs, I was favored by 12, with a projected score of 99-87. The #2 scoring team was also heavily favored, possibly setting up a fantastic finish to my first fantasy league.
Scranton (9-5) vs. Hoagies (10-4)
Larry Johnson was huge with 29, but LT got shut down by the Colts. He finished with 7 points. Manning only scored 15, losing 4 points on 2 INT. Going into the Sunday night game, I was down 72-87, with Crumpler and Falcons D remaining. Scranton had finished as expected with 87.
The Bears D shut down Crumpler limiting him to 1 point. And the surprise return of Grossman cut the Falcons D scoring to 11.
Final Score: Scranton 87, Hoagies 84
If I had really been paying attention, I should have started the Jaguars D against the woeful 49ers. They actually scored 14 and would have tied the game. Or if Manning hadn't thrown 2 picks, or if instead of my Seattle kicker getting 4XP, he could have gotten 2 FG. But ultimately the ultra dependable possible MVP of the NFL, LT scored 7. 8 less than Thomas Jones rotting on my bench. But how could I have benched my #1 pick? At the end of the day, I had a good run, built a strong team, and it just didn't turn out the way I would have liked. But I had fun along the way. Until next year...
Now for the Chiefs to make the playoffs they MUST:
Win both of their last games (at Arrowhead vs. Chargers, Bengals)
The Steelers must lose one of their games (Browns, Lions)
It doesn't look good.
Friday, December 16, 2005
2. Drunken hooligan fans. Here in America, we wait until after win to get rowdy and riot - not in the middle of the first half.
3. Nascar Uniforms. I've seen jerseys with so many sponsors I thought Kraft was playing Nabisco in the Cookie Cup.
4. Throw-ins? Let me get this straight, you can't touch the ball with your hands, unless you are out of bounds. Who thought that rule up? 10 euros says it wasn't an American.
5. Weather cry-babys. I've never seen a soccer match in the snow. If you can't handle the extreme weather, maybe that's why you're playing soccer.
6. World Cup Yawn. The "biggest" soccer event only happens every 4 years. What are soccer nuts supposed to do between them? Also, I use the term biggest loosely because it's soccer.
7. Yellow cards, red cards. If you hit someone, you get a penalty. I'm sure David Carr would rather play soccer.
8. GOOOOOOOOOOOAL. Lame announcers. Nuff 'said.
9. Did I mention low scoring? Across the pond, we Americans like to watch scoring.
10. It's soccer. No one cares about soccer. It's boring. It might have been nice in 1934, but we have better sports now. Get a clue!
Bucs 17, Patriots 23
Chiefs 31, Giants 24
Broncos 20, Bills 12
Cardinals 17, Texans 13
Panthers 20, Saints 17
Jets 9, Dolphins 16
Eagles 13, Rams 16
Steelers 20, Vikings 23
Chargers 24, Colts 28
Seahawks 23, Titans 17
49ers 7, Jaguars 14
Bengals 20, Lions 10
Browns 14, Raiders 17
Cowboys 24, Redskins 14
Falcons 10, Bears 13
Packers 16, Ravens 10
Thursday, December 15, 2005
In Utah, Deron didn't have a stat-studded night, 9 points and 9 assists. But he did get a nice highlight on SportsCenter, as they showed him running the floor and assisting Kirilenko. On the second look at the play, they slow it down and show how Kirilenko wanted the ball behind the arc, but Deron lead him to the basket for an uncontested jam. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Bears 9, Steelers 21 Bears 10, Steelers 13
Browns 20, Bengals 23 Browns 10, Bengals 28
Colts 26, Jaguars 18 Colts 24, Jaguars 17
Patriots 35, Bills 7 Patriots 20, Bills 10
Raiders 10, Jets 26 Raiders 24, Jets 7
Rams 13, Vikings 27 Rams 13, Vikings 23
Bucs 20, Panthers 10 Bucs 17, Panthers 24
Giants 26, Eagles 23 Giants 31, Eagles 10
49ers 3, Seahawks 41 49ers 7, Seahawks 31
Redskins 17, Cardinals 13 Redskins 14, Cardinals 17
Ravens 10, Broncos 12 Ravens 6, Broncos 24
Chiefs 28, Cowboys 31 Chiefs 27, Cowboys 24
Dolphins 23, Chargers 21 Dolphins 16, Chargers 30
Lions 13, Packers 16 Lions 10, Packers 13
Saints 17, Falcons 36 Saints 13, Falcons 21
Best Games Predicted (total point diff.)
With predictions like those maybe I should stick to betting over/unders instead of picking winners.
Note: compared with the experts at ESPN, my 11-5 was not that great. But my percentage for this week, ties the 2nd best percentage overall with Hoge, trailing only Salisbury. Perhaps one week is not enough data to perform accurate comparisons...but until we have more weeks of data- I am officially a better football mind than Theismann, Jaworski, Schlereth, Allen, Mortensen and Golic.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Bears 10, Steelers 13
Browns 10, Bengals 28
Texans 9, Titans 13
Colts 24, Jaguars 17
Patriots 20, Bills 10
Raiders 24, Jets 7
Rams 13, Vikings 23
Bucs 17, Panthers 24
Giants 31, Eagles 10
49ers 7, Seahawks 31
Redskins 14, Cardinals 17
Ravens 6, Broncos 24
Chiefs 27, Cowboys 24
Dolphins 16, Chargers 30
Lions 10, Packers 13
Saints 13, Falcons 21
Green 1 TD, 1 INT
Bledsoe 2 TD, 2 INT
Johnson 120 yards, 2 TD
Jones 70 yards, 1 TD
Cundiff misses a 4th quarter field goal that ensures a Chiefs victory.
Chiefs 27, Cowboys 24
Although really those could be way off. I mean, maybe instead of throwing 2 picks, Bledsoe throws 1 and loses a fumble on a Jared Allen sack. It's hard to be sure.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Sunday, December 04, 2005
You'd probably be feeling pretty good, because I'd be asking about the 2005 Chicago Bears who just won their 8th straight, beating their biggest rival and preventing a HOFer from entering the endzone.
How could they possibly win with such lopsided stats? A defense that comes around once every 20 years or so, that can dominate another team while still giving up good numbers. It's hard to completely prevent another team from gaining yards when your offense is so terrible.
And make no mistake about it, Orton and the entire "offense" are terrible. 0 for 10 on 3rd down conversion. Which just makes the defensive performances so impressive. When the offense can't stay on the field, it should wear a defense out. When an offense moves the ball so poorly, it oftens drains the momentum of the defense. But this Bears D forcers turnovers and scores points at crucial points, at the ends of both halves today.
Which reminds me, I am so sick of hearing how great Orton is, that he should be MVP or rookie of the year, or that he is "leading the team to victory." Today they showed a graphic: "most wins by a rookie qb." Generally I am against giving the teams w-l record to represent a qb's record. (ex: Bledsoe is 4-0 against the Redskins.) You should never say that about any other player on a football team (Vanderjagt is 1-6 lifetime at New England) or in any other team sport (Pujols is 12-4 against the Cubs this year). So why do people say that about QB's? Because we envision Montana and Elway driving the team to victory and think that the leader of the offense must be responsible for the entire team's performance.
This echoes back to the argument of Marino vs. Super Bowl winning QB's & Peyton vs. Brady. It's a team sport. And unlike other team sports, Marino couldn't exactly play defense either. So somehow Trent Dilfer is going to be ahead of him on the QB food chain because Marino couldn't get a ring. I understand winning championships is everything. I'm glad people think rings are more important than stats. But since we know defense wins championships, how can you disrespect Marino with stuff like "He never won the big one." Well, if by "he" you mean the Miami Dolphins never won the big one, then that's true. But it sure wasn't the QB's fault.
Look I love Brady. And he's shown he's clutch time and time again. If I was building a team to win the Super Bowl this year, he's #2 on my list. But #1 has got to be Peyton. I don't care that Brady has the hardware. Manning's better. That's no knock on Brady. But it's a team sport. It's not Manning's fault that while he's throwing 49 touchdowns, he's defense was trying to match it. But once the defense starts playing well, everybody is ready to proclaim Manning the best QB of all time.
But this all started with Orton. And the fact that he stinks. He's got the lowest passer rating in the NFL. And whenever he throws the ball more than 5 yards downfield, you just kind of wince. Even if you're like me, and you don't care about the Bears, it's almost like a drunk driver doing 60 floating across the hashmarks. You can't take your eyes off it, but you have this feeling that this can't end well. And when the ball harmlessly falls 10 yards overthrown, you kind of sigh thinking, that turned out pretty good.
Let me repeat that, he has the lowest passer rating in the NFL. Joey Harrington is performing better and he's getting benched. Aaron Brooks is performing 17% better, and people are calling for his head. A fellow rookie by the name of J.P. Losman is performing better. And yet "Orton for RotY", "Orton for MVP". If the Bills had the Bears D, would that make Losman the Rookie of the Year.
Also, in case you were wondering if Orton's stats were hurt by the Bears' run first mentatlity, Roethlisberger has thrived in his first 2 years in a similar system, with a passer rating currently 3rd in the league, and over 50% better than Orton's.
The fact that the Bears have been able to carry such a miserable QB to 8 straight wins is beyond impressive. But it doesn't make Orton's shitty throws smell any better.
Friday, December 02, 2005
If the ball is lined up on the hash marks, couldn't the holder line up a little bit more centered? It might be too hard to catch for a right-footed kicker, if the ball was originally on the right hash, but other than that, couldn't it help out the kicker?
Thursday, December 01, 2005
So you can imagine going back to the 2005 rosters as I did in NFL 2k5. Manning, Roethlisburger and Rivers all rookies. The game doesn't know that Roethlisburger is pretty good out of the gate, Eli has developed nicely, and Rivers hasn't developed at all on the bench. In fact the game thinks that Maddox is as good as Big Ben and that Rivers is better than Brees, so he is starting on opening day.
But it's not just rookies. The game has Michael Bennett rated higher than Shaun Alexander. Travis Henry better than McGahee. Faulk better than Jackson. The Packers look loaded with Favre, Green, Driver and Walker all studs.
It started with Randy and TO, but I made all the trades I could follow at the skill positions, and edited values to represent the current depth charts. It's weird to so how much things can change in just a year. You wouldn't believe how much I had to add to Chad Johnson's dance rating.
When I want rivalries I'm going to the NFL this weekend. There are 5, count them five, huge divisional games on Sunday. 4 of the 5 feature the top 2 teams in the division facing off, with all 8 teams racing for a playoff spot. The other game features the most historic of rivalries with the Pack coming to the Bears home cage. Granted this year the Packers aren't in contention for the playoffs, but it should still be a great game, and does matter to both the Bears and revival of the Vikings. Consider the last 13 times Favre rolled into Soldier Field, 12 times he left with the W.
Cowboys at Giants: Both teams tied at 7-4 atop the competitive NFC East. Manning-Manning Super Bowl on the line.
Falcons at Panthers: Vick's record against Carolina: 5-0. But Panthers are a game ahead in the standings and at home, if they lose Sunday, the rematch on January 1st could be trouble.
Bengals at Pittsburgh: Bengals up a game, but already got embarrassed at home by the Steelers. If they get swept, it might be time to start thinking about a wild card spot. Which could come down to the final game of the season against another team fighting for the same spot. I'll be there to ring in the new year at Arrowhead.
Donkeys at Chiefs: A lot to look at in this game. On Monday Night in Week 3 the Chiefs had a chance to go into Denver and take a commanding 2 game early division lead. Instead they got winded and embarrased and got taunted by Champ Bailey as not playing hard. The Chiefs haven't forgotten that. What should the Broncos remember: Chiefs vs Broncos at Arrowhead in December are 16-1. The Chiefs haven't lost to anyone at home in December since '96. And of course a win for KC would make that New Year's game even more intriguing...
I can smell the barbecue already.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
1. Herman Edwards to replace Dick Vermeil.
We're not even sure that this is his last year, but he is 70 and likely only to stick around if they look in contention for a Super Bowl. Since they really aren't close to that, it would seem likely that he might retire. But Herman Edwards would be about as good as a replacement that would be available. He got the Jets to the playoffs 3 out of his first 4 years there. And he plays to win the game.
But will he come? It's still a rumor, but he is very close to both Dick Vermeil and the president Peterson. When he was a player on the Eagles he was coached by Vermeil, and continues to talk on the phone every Tuesday. And at his Wednesday press conference, he did little to squash the rumors. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
2. Kansas City awarded Super Bowl
This is contingent on major renovations to the stadium, including a rolling roof, and are not exactly guaranteed to happen. A year ago, while Jackson County (metro Kansas City) voted to support raising taxes to fund needed stadium improvements, the surrounding counties killed the measure.
Although watching a Super Bowl played on the grass of Arrowhead would be cool, I am more interested in the ramifications for the team. Even though the franchise has not been talked about in terms of danger of moving or folding, I recognize that it is a smaller market with a older stadium. The owner is loyal, but renovating the stadium and hosting a Super Bowl, would make sure that the Chiefs remained in Kansas City for decades without worries.
As for Arrowhead Stadium, it is very much a part of the history and charm of the team and everyone wants to maintain that integrity. An artist's rendering of the roof can be seen here, and I'm not too thrilled about it. At least it doesn't affect the unique shape of the upper deck. But the other renovations are severely neccesary to make sure that Arrowhead is a facility that continues to not only be of use, but a star in a league full of cookie-cutter fields.
As for the NFL and the media's interest in holding a Super Bowl in Kansas City itself, I'm not convinced it's a good idea. Kansas City is a great football enviorment because the people are loyal to the team, and passionate enough to make Arrowhead considered the loudest stadium in the league. And the tailgating atmosphere is out of this world. But as far as holding the World's biggest sporting event, it's a smaller city without the hotel infrastructure and excitement to pacify the grumbling reporters who should consider themselves lucky that they have a job, and that it is to cover the Super Bowl. So we'll hear lots of complaining in the weblogs of reporters. But it definetly is full of hard working midwestern people without the exciting nightlife of New Orleans and Miami.
Personally, I don't think the Super Bowl needs to be played in warm weather cities or in a dome at all. The whole spirit of football that is so attractive in the first place, is the attitude of you must play in whatever conditions exist. No tarps. If Foxboro is covered in snow, you better have a Vinatieri that can kick it 40 yards on a white field. If the Windy City is windy, you better have a Vasher that can return it 108 yards and hopefully you don't have a Gould that kicks a field goal into a pylon. If it rains in Seattle, and I don't really need the 'if', you better have an running back in his contract year. It seems the road to super bowl always runs through cold weather enviornments so why should they tough it out all year, and then in the biggest game of the year, get some turf under a roof?
Monday, November 14, 2005
When the Eagles were up 17 to 7, and had 4th down from the 2, I questioned the field goal attempt. I understand that if the Eagles don't score, all the Cowboys need is a touchdown and a field goal. The Eagles get the field goal to force the Cowboys to get 2 touchdowns. But even then I was thinking, it would be better to try to make it a 3-possesion game and worse case scenario, Dallas has the ball on the 2.
Even in retrospect the FG might still have been a good idea, barring that ridiculous McNabb throw. I mean Philly had the game in hand. 20-7 with 3 minutes left. I can hardly believe it. But considering how Dallas had suffered earlier this season via the Redskins and Seahawks, I say this was karmic retribution.
Bummer though, because you would think that after throwing TO under the bus, you would think that all the karma in the world would be on the Eagles side. Perhaps, the football gods were feeling very cruel and wanted to add fuel to the TO fire. They definetly added injury to insult as McNabb's return is questionable, but the Eagles return to the playoffs has been downgraded from questionable to doubtful to out.
1. No offsides. How frustrating is it to see a great goal called back because the player was 2 feet ahead of the defender. If a team wants to put 6 people in front of the goal, fine with me. The only thing it will create is more offense, and then more fast breaks the other way, for more offense.
2. Goalies can't use their hands. More goals, more exciting saves as the goalie heads it over the crossbar. If he has to use his hands to save it, penalty kick. Which is more excitement. (If too many goals end up going in, they could shrink the goal itself, but I have a hard time imagining Americans complaining about too many goals in a soccer game. )
3. 4 20-minute periods. Nobody likes to look at a clock and see 42:37 counting down. People like buzzers and buzzer beaters. Plus you can go get nachos without missing one of the 18 goals in the game.
4. Make the field slightly smaller. It takes way to long to get from one end to the other. What were they thinking?
5. Goals from across midfield are worth 3. This might seem strange. But try imagining basketball without a 3-point line. When your team is down 2 with a minute remaining, you can still win. Plus, it might happen at all those buzzer beaters.
Now that's a game I would watch.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
The craziness begins in the windy city..
Bears score the longest touchdown ever in NFL history.
Orton is riding a 5-game winning streak.
SF passing 1/13, Orton: 8/13
Wade fumbles 3 times on punt returns, including on the CHI 2.
Down 14-6, starting on the 2. The 49ers end up kicking a field goal.
Lets go to Buffalo:
First downs, KC 22, Buff 9
McGahee and Holcomb leave due to injury in the first half.
Score 3-14. Whaa?
4 Trent Green turnovers lead to 2 passing TD for the rookie Losman.
7 KC posessions in Bills territory for 3pts.
Stay in NY for the Giants game (well new jersey)
Vikes int ret for td, ko ret for td, punt ret for td. 1st team in history to do so.
Eli 4 picks.
Eli leads last minute drive plus 2pt conversion to tie at 21.
Brad leads last second drive to set up an Edinger 48 yarder to win. First offensive points come from Mr. Clutch.
C/ATT YDS TD INT
Harrington 22/32 231 3 0
I must be dreaming.
CAR YDS TD LG
Jones 25 106 1 20
Jones 2 12 0 10
REC YDS TD LG
Jones 5 117 1 42
Smith 3 43 0 16
Those must be really popular names.
Chicago moves to 6-3. Only 2 teams have more wins at the moment. I might be sick.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
also on that replay i noticed that of the 5 refs on the field, 0 were watching the play. the 2 on the sideline were obliviously looking away. there were 2 running towards the play - but they weren't watching. yes they were both jogging backwards towards the play. and the guy who throw the flag, was running away and looking away, turned around to throw the flag, then continued running away. sad.
they also throw the flag 40 feet up in the air. no joke. but that is better than dreamcast, which had a flag throwing motion, but no actual flag.
also if you beat a rival, you collect that trophy for your trophy room (little brown jug, purdue cannon,etc) so i shortened the quarters to 1 minute, so i could quickly collect all the trophies.
byu 21, weber st 0.
i forced a punt and then scored in the first half.
i then quickly scored to start the 2nd half, and then returned an int.
Adande vs. Paige
JA: Seattle, they need receivers and they can get a deal on him and lock up Alexander
Woodrow: Vick and TO, yeah, baby
Point to Woody
PTI TossUp Better fit Redskins or Raiders
I don't remember the arguments but I know that Tony won.
Seriously as for the raiders, they seem like the perfect fit, except that they already have moss. But if they can afford him, as it sounds like no one is willing to pay big bucks, so TO might have to settle for a small incentive laden contract, then the money might not be a problem, and you can't have too many good wide outs.
So it would work. Except that I'm not convinced that Collins is good enough to make them happy. And the rest of the team needs more work than the wideout position. Porter is already doing nicely. The other thing is that they don't really throw it to Moss anyways. I mean even when he has single coverage (at least in the 2 chiefs games, that's all i know. in the first game, they didn't even try to throw it to him with the game on the line, and in sunday's game he had 8 balls his way, and he only caught the last one for 7 yds. and that's against the chiefs porous pass d minus injured surtain.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Playoff Power Rankings
The team rankings are based only on my assessment of current team quality. This is not an accurate playoff prediction, because teams like the Jags, will coast on an easy schedule to a wild card berth. Although at this point it seems that playoffs almost seem like a formality. Just hand the trophy to the Colts.
Colts def Steelers, Panthers def Who Cares, Colts def Panthers, Peyton for Super Bowl MVP, LT for Season MVP. (Steve Smith should win it though.) Also, the Chiefs beat the Bengals on New Years Day to secure the Wild Card spot away from Fathead. Perhaps landing a playoff game at Foxboro. (Does a divisional winner automatically get the home game, or does it go by record? This would apply to the Bears, as well.)
Saturday, November 05, 2005
incomplete, false start on gonzo. on 2nd and 15 - 12 yard pass to horn. 3rd and 3, own 35 1:20 and counting.
5 yd pass to Larry. clock running
7 yd pass to Larry, clock running.
2nd and 3, midfield, trent gets sacked. now they would have to use one of 2 remaining time outs, 3rd and long still in own territory, with 30 ticks. but there's a flag. he was sacked because a raider dl stuck his legs out and tripped him. stops the clock, 1st down, move it up 3 yds.
13 yards to kennison. Call time. 19 seconds left on OAK 37. Tynes said to Trent "get me to the 37"
Trent back looking deep, nothing open, finds Larry again, except this time, Larry's got no one in front of him. Catches it at the 35, 30, 25, are you kidding me, 20, where is the defense, 15, he's going to take it all the way, 10, two guys to beat, 5, can he do it, 1, tackled, ball comes loose, ball in the endzone, chief jumps on it, clock running almost out, holy shit, what is going on, ref says larry was down on the 1, 8 seconds left, what happened, CALL TIMEOUT.
timeout called with 5 seconds left. that's the last one. replay showed he was clearly down at the 1, then the ball came loose. Chiefs down 3. no timeouts. 5 seconds. Kick and go to overtime at home. Try and score and put that game on the line. Coach Vermeil, what's the call?
They're going for it.
One shot. Green takes the snap, Larry's got the ball, Shields and Dunn blocking, Larry jumps up and over and lands in the endzone with the game winner. 80,000 red fans erupt. Coach has got balls.
Trent didn't practice
Could have been 4-4 and sitting in last place. Now they are 5-3, one game out of first, poised to make a playoff run.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
zones they want to make it live for both coasts, so they are doing it
twice. So central will get some tape delay version. Not that I would
watch, but still. I picture entertainment industry lying down across
the united states. It is getting a footrub by LA, making out with NY,
and then taking a shit on the midwest.
I saw some highlights of the Illinois basketball game last night. It
was sad to see Dee still there. Back in May when I was still on
campus, I had the program's best interest at heart, but now that we're
out in the real world, I feel a bond with deron and luther - we're out
there making it happen. And I feel bad that Dee is stuck there for
Mike Tirico is a terrible play by play guy. He's fine for pregame
stuff, but he's awful to listen to during the game. When a guy was
returning a kickoff for a TD he shouts out "You cannot be serious!"
First of all, who is the you he is talking to? Well the only people
listening are the guys in the booth and the fans at home. Neither one
of those people said or did anything, so why is he shouting at me. He
should be telling me what's going on, not discrediting my seriousness.
Furthermore, it's just a kickoff return, it happens. It's serious. For
that kind of reaction, I am expecting something that hasn't happened
in the last 5 years, or a blown call.
There is all this hype about the Pats-Colts game. I still don't know
if the Colts can win in Foxboro, but I know this: even if they lose
this week, and lose forever in Foxboro, they won't play there again
this year, and they're going to Detroit.
As for moving the Saints and possibility of an expansion team later
coming to NO. I really would like the Saints to stay in New Orleans.
But what I want most is for there to be 32 teams in 8 equal divisions.
If they ever introduce a new team, they have to take one away. Cough
cough arizona cough cough.
As I wrote over the summer after seeing Schaub not get stumped in
Tokyo, the Falcons have a better quarterback then Michael Vick. Yes,
Schuab is a better QB than Vick. Yes Vick is a better football player
than Schuab. Yes Vick is in the top 3 football players in the NFL. So
you can't bench him. But why can't they at least try a few plays with
Schaub behind center with Vick in the slot. Who's going to guard him
on running routes. If you said 2 or 3 guys, you're only half right. 2
or 3 guys would try, but they still wouldn't guard him. So Vick is
still open, as is Crumps and they are running lanes for Dunn that you
could drive Rob Cordry's stretch hummer through. I'm not saying they
should make Vick a permanent receiver, (they should) but at least try
it out. And then you can run reverses, fake reverses, flea flickers,
I'm telling you it would work.
Who knows how much electricity costs? I mean you never have a choice
when you sign up for a power company, and you need power. No one would
ever say, man that electricity sure costs a lot, I think i'll stop
using it. So really they could charge double what they are, and people
would pay it. Then again, maybe they already are.
I remember this like it happened yesterday.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Around the Horn to Chicago where the Bulls come back from down 6 with 40 secs to take it to free basketball and pull of a win for the hometown crowd. Be careful. Chicago's not used to this much winning.
Is it to early to say Spurs d. Mavs, Heat d. Pistons, Spurs d. Heat. Lebron for MVP. You heard it here first folks.
Monday, October 31, 2005
was in 1st, after Week 7, last, and after Week 8: 2nd place. Why so
much jumping around? Every team has a winning record.
Scary NFL Note #2: The NFC North is really bad. Culpeppy out for a
while, Favre throws 5 picks, and you should've known the Bears-Lions
game would either go to a tie or be won by a defense.
Scary NFL Note #3: A Chiefs win in Denver would have put them safely
atop the division. After a 2-3 stretch, a loss would put them in last
Scary NFL Note #4: Houston wins it's first game, it was their first
game that they were leading. They now have the same record as the
Scary Big Ten Note: Purdue is listed under Illinois in the football standings.
to quote Sports Illustrated:
"What he does the next nine weeks will be fascinating to watch, because
the fourth-round pick from Purdue has a chance to give the Bears and
injured starter Rex Grossman a Tom Brady/Drew Bledsoe-type situation
to deal with this offseason. If he hasn't already become Chicago's
quarterback of the future (and present)."
Stop me from barfing, please. Seriously, did he just compare Orton to
Brady? I just threw up in my mouth.
Other notes: Pac Man Jones sucks. He's terrible. So glad the Titans
snapped him up before the Chiefs had the option.
Green Bay is 1-6. Their only win: 52-3.
Bruschi takes Pats from .500 record to Division Champs again.
It must have been really hard to be a Bucs fan yesterday. Entering the
game 5-1, against the 1-5 49ers. Alex Smith injured. Tim Rattay
traded. Ken Dorsey starts, then gets injured. Who enters the game?
Cody Pickett. Started year 4th on depth chart. Comes in, 12-play 5
minute drive to get a field goal. Including a 10-yd pass to B-Lloyd on
3rd and 8. Where was the Bucs D?
Here are the 2 questions you need to ask to find out if the steelers
won the game:
1. Was Big Ben playing?
2. Were they playing the Patriots?
That's unbelievable. He's something like 20-2, with his 2 losses
coming against the Champs. What more could you ask for?
I bet when Brandon Lloyd grew up playing football and watching Joe Montana and Steve Young throw touchdown passes, he could only dream of one day being the star receiver on the 49ers. Well, that dream has come true, but I bet he didn't picture the 4th string QB starting, with the backup being 5th stringer Jesse Bachelor.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Here's to you Matt, wish you could have been here.
so i found 2 chiefs bars in chicago. and yesterday brit and i gave one
a shot for the redskins-chiefs game. we walked in and walked to the
back tv area. from my seat i could plainly see chiefs, lions, bears,
and cowboys game, with the miami game in the distance. of course we
had to listen to the bears. i was kind of wondering how this place had
a reputation as a chiefs bar, considering they were playing every
game. well it took a good 5 minutes of game to figure out - when jared
allen forced his first fumble, and the bar cheered, you could tell it
was a majority of cheifs fans. there were also plenty of people
rooting for the bears, a few for giants and cowboys and one lions fan
lions side note: it was 14 - 14 for a while, with all 4 touchdown
passes thrown by delhomme. it was so bad for the lions offense that
later i saw a lion streaking down the sideline assumed another pick.
imagine my surprise when i saw that harrington was on the field! they
managed to get 6 offensive points and knock out delhomme when he was
sliding feet first. 15yds later weinke comes in to score a last second
nfc north side note: when trying to predict the division winner i
thought this division was wide open because i thought the chi/det were
improving and gb/min were holding ground. well the division is wide
open, but only because everyone is terrible. seriously i just took a
quick glance and came up with the teams better than anyone in nfc
north - 18 teams easy. yet one of them will become one of the 12
playoff teams. it's funny that bears/lions are in first place, because
even if you took the all-stars from those teams, that team wouldn't
even make the playoffs in the afc. who's their quarterback?
the chiefs won 28-21, but even after the game i had a hard time
believing we won. pass defense was terrible, especially on the last
drive. jared allen forces 3 fumbles, all 3 recovered by chiefs, one
for td. definetly a game that chiefs win at home, lose on the road.
home field is huge. it makes that incredible philly comeback even more
spectacular. chiefs up huge at home, even get a dante kickoff td, and
still blow it.
harrington just doesn't look like an athlete. i mean i don't
care if you are a pocket passer. i don't think that carson palmer is a
great runner, but i look at him and think yea, he is a good athlete. i
look harrington and see waterboy.
7 of the 8 teams in last place have stripes down the center of thier helmet
3 of the 8 teams in first place have stripes. (counting the broncos triangle stripe, but not the bengals featuring horizontal stripes)
6 of the 7 last place teams with stripes are multicolored.
all 3 of the first place teams with stripes are single colored.
afc east: 3 of 4 have stripes: the only one that doesn't - division leader patriots who went to super bowl
nfc east: 3 of 4 have stripes: tthe only one that doesn't - eagles who went to super bowl
nfc west: 1 has stripes: 49ers. last place. embarrasing
bottom line: stripes are bad. multicolored stripes are worse than single colored stripes.
also on a less impressive note: 5 teams have white helmets. 4 are in 3rd place or worst. 1 is the best team in football. they also have a stripe. so the colts are the exception that proves the rule.
(does that make any sense? why is a rule proved by an exception. dumb expression)
only 3 teams do not have a logo decal on the both sides of their helmets. all 3 are in the same division. bengals, steelers, browns.
in case you were wondering, bengals helmets are painted while rams helmets are decals.
Also, in college, Michigan starts with a Packers yellow helmet, and then paints it blue.
Sure there are people who paid thousands for WS WS tickets. (White Sox
World Series) And based on how good the 2 games in CHI were, and what
there were a part of, it's hard to say it wasn't worth it. And if
people paid thousands for games 6 and 7, they'll get their money back.
Tickets. So there are people who paid thousands to get season tickets
and won't get to see a WS game. I'm sure they'll enjoy those next year
when the Sox are in 3rd place. Ha
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
But first I will address the thought of a playoff. While I wouldn't
mind it, I understand the thought behind not having one. Knowing that
one loss might knock USC out of the title picture, that USC/ND game
was huge. Especially the win/lose but no OT call from Pete Caroll. I
mean if you knew that USC would get into the playoffs even with a
loss, that game doesn't matter that much. Besides, no one in power
wants a playoff, so we can forget it anyways.
And there is talk that USC, even if they go undefeated, there is a
chance they might not go to the title game. If Va Tech goes
undefeated, their strength of schedule could place them with texas in
the title game.
Here's the solution: Keep the BCS, get rid of the BCS rankings. This
is so perfect and simple, I can't beleive that I am the only one who
thought of this:
Keep the 4 major bowls, with one rotating as a title game. Keep having
a 1 vs 2 title, and then award automatic berths to the major
conferences (minus the big east) and then have at large bids round it
But get rid of the stupid ranking formula with comptuers and just
award them based on the AP poll. The pollers would get to pick who
they thought were the 2 best teams and let them fight it out. You
could still have a #3 undefeated team, but if you're #3 in the polls
you didn't play well enough to be #1 or #2 in the minds of voters.
That's different than not playing well enough to impress computers.
If you go back to the old system where 1 didn't play 2, then USC would
play Penn State, and Texas would never have a chance to prove they are
I like the 4 major bowls, and I love 1 vs 2. I just want it decided by
humans. What's wrong with that?
the BCS was birthed out of the controversial split national championship between
michigan (go blue in '97) went undefeated and killed ryan leaf in the
rose bowl. nebraska also went undefeated, but was much less
impressive all season, but legendary coach tom osborne, who invented
the play for the win and not the tie, was retiring. a few coaches
dropped michigan far enough in their ballots to give nebraska the
coaches poll. hence, the desire for some computers. sagarin had
already been doing a computer poll and i'm sure others were too. they
wanted an imparital, non emotional way to pick the winners. the BCS
combines the polls and a playoff. pick the top two teams, and let
them play for the title. it keeps the human element, but the
computers are designed to moderate the human emotions involved in
Aha! So the only basis for the media griping about a controversy in the BCS is because the media polls aren't being obeyed as fact. But as Mark points out, that's why we have computers, because maybe the pollers aren't getting it exactly right. So either the media should just accept that the BCS does pick the 2 best teams, (and maybe the computers can recoginize that better than humans) or switch to the polls as the only rankings. Neither will happen any time soon.
Monday, October 24, 2005
ratings. It is a simple poll for every coach, Do you approve of the
job __ is doing for __? Yes or no?
And it gives the voting % for that week. Well, I'm not so much angered
by the poll itself, then I am by the fickle fans voting in the polls.
It seems that they might as well be asking did this team win? Take a
look at Mike Shanahan for the Broncos. Coming into the game he was
5-1, and above 90% for the last 3 weeks. This week he loses by 1 point
on a last second eli touchdown into coverage, and the denver kicker
also missed a field goal earlier. So somehow because Eli was able to
thread the needle, and the Broncos miss a field goal, that means the
coach drops to 74%. If that pass gets knocked down, then he is still
90%, and that seems wrong. He is still doing a good job.
Likewise you can see how Herm Edwards fluctuates with each win and
loss. Is it his fault Pennington got injured?
Or what about Bellicheck, widely recognized as a coaching genius. I
think that if anyone really thought about do you approve of Bill's
coaching ability, they would have to say yes. But dropped from 68 to
59 in a bye week!
Basically, I think that you should can approve or disapprove of a
coach, but it shouldn't be based on how each game turns out.
Friday, October 21, 2005
"Friday Night Football! Chiefs at Dolphins: I'd claim Ronnie and Ricky are a poor man's Priest and LJ, but that would do a disservice to poor men."
Well, let's look at the stats.
Kansas City Rushing
Johnson 23/93 1td
Holmes 18/90 2td
Brown 8/95 1td 65 long
One mistake allowing a 65-yd run, but I didn't see, so I don't know whether to blame poor tackling or applaud a nice run by the rook, but even with that KC doubles the yards, triples the scores. It's all good. Oh and the 35 yard score for Priest - it was not the typical Holmes special where he glides untouched followed by monster blocks - he broke tackles through the middle, then cuts it to the outside.
Team Stat Comparison
KC - MIA
1st Downs 24 9
Total Yards 462 286
Passing 277 192
Rushing 185 94
Penalties 7-63 4-30
3rd Down Conversions 8-17 3-13
4th Down Conversions 0-1 0-0
Turnovers 0 1
Possession 41:40 18:20
Let's see 24 first downs, monster yards, solid passing D (especially when you take away the garbage time bench qb yards.) dominate the clock, D stopping them 10 times on 3rd down. get a pick, hold on to the ball.
You ask me this afternoon KC's biggest concern: I say pass defense. Their starting qb:
Frerotte 11/29 125 0td 1nt
And they weren't running the ball consistently either. Man. I know it was the dolphins, but this was a great performance. The best part: 3rd down defense. only 3/13. Incredible. That's huge.
Cloud Fucking Nine baby.
So I thought it was worth it to reclaim my childhood set, and it was a hell of a lot easier to order the set online.
Hopefully I'll be able to take care of them and be able to set up the schedules and standing for a long, long time. Can you imagine Super Bowl 60, I'm 42 years old and I have the Bears vs Browns on top of the tv? Me neither.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
so i call double post routes. 3 step drop and fire a bullet...wr dives and comes up with the ball on the goal line. TD. game over. on the replay i see that i was an inch away from getting sacked.
so i stayed undefeated, but imagine my surprise when i exit the game and find that i dropped to #2 in the rankings. even though i played a fantastic 2nd half, the voters liked the other undefeated team - georgia, and their win against auburn better. which i think is great. if you don't play like a number one team, even if you squeak out a win, you could go down. much better than the 2k2 dreamcast rankings which were solely based on # of wins, not who they came against, and not even losses. which favored colorado because they had 13 games instead of the normal 11. meaning 11-2 is better than 10-1.
more features on the game:
create a sign feature, "Beutjer for Heisman"
when ND comes out they show them touching the play like a champion today sign
when most teams come out they show them coming out through a tunnel
when ILL comes out they show us coming from the correct corner and no
tunnel (impressive, although the band does not lead us out)
and no chief.
Monday, October 17, 2005
season, and the end of Busch Stadium, I kept changing between the game
and Comedy Central. After Pujols got out in the 7th inning, and then
they couldn't do anything in the 8th inning - I had given up hope. Brad
Lidge is the best closing pitcher. Houston is headed to their first
World Series, good for them.
I flipped back to check out the champagne celebration and saw that
there was 2 outs, nobody on. Okay, now one on. That's a start. Check
back later, whoa there are 2 on. This could get interesting. Wait, is
that, yeah, that's Pujols! The best hiiter in baseball against the best
closer. Then this exchange took place:
Dave: Hey, if Pujols hits a home run that puts the Cards ahead.
Brit: Yeah, but will he just try to make contact?
Dave: Well, he'll try to hit the ball, yeah, but he's the best hitter
And then a monster was unleashed. Lidge knew it as soon as the wood
touched leather. He fell to his knees, waited, then turned around. But
the ball hung up there long enough that I'm sure Lidge saw the ball hit
the windows at the top of the dome. If they weren't playing indoors
that ball lands in Dallas.
Pujols watches it, then casually runs the bases as if it was spring
training. La Russa never flinches, never uncrosses his arms. The entire
stadium is quieter than a library. They were one strike away from the
They still only need one more game, but Busch stands another day.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
The Minnesota Vikings have been accused of having 17 players aboard
charter boats full of prostitustion and other unspecific sexual acts.
Most players are denying it: RB Mewelde Moore, who was on one of the
boats, and said "That's crazy. Sex? Come on."
Also, the Patriots played the Falcons last week and Michael Vick was listed
as probable. He didn't play. If the Patriots knew that Vick wouldn't
play they could plan their defense a lot better, targeting an immobile
Well in retailliation, the Pats have listed the following players as
Troy Brown (foot); LB Matt Chatham (knee); RB Corey Dillon (ankle); CB
Randall Gay (ankle); DE Jarvis Green (shoulder); DE Marquise Hill
(ankle); LB Larry Izzo (thigh); LB Willie McGinest (finger); CB Tyrone
Poole (ankle); S James Sanders (ankle); S Guss Scott (knee); DE Richard
Seymour (knee); CB Duane Starks (thigh)
Yes the ump blew it. As show by frame by frame zoom in replays, he got
it wrong. But it was happening at full speed and he didn't have a clear
view. He made a call. Until basebal gets instant reply, there will be
bad calls. It's part of the game. It still stings when you get a bad
call, but it's part of the game.
The end result was a man on first with 2 outs, not any better then they
had in the 8th inning. But either it was just the chance the Sox
needed, or the Angels were so bitter that they handed 2nd base to them,
and threw them a beachball on an 0-2 count.
simultaneously only on their channel. So not only can fans in those
markets not even flip to watch the other game, but fans outside of
local markets have no choice in what game they get.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
G.O.B.: 52% of the country is single. That's a market that's been
dominated by apartment rentals. Let's take some of that market. I
call it "Single City."
Narrator: ... his ideas failed to evolve.
G.O.B.: It's, like, "Hey, you want to go down to the whirlpool?"
"Yeah, I don't have a husband." I call it "Swing City."
Stan Sitwell: Let's get into some new areas, if you don't mind.
Narrator: But G.O.B. continued to fine-tune his first one.
G.O.B.: How do we filter out the teases? We don't let them in.
G.O.B.: This goes for the guys, too. Because sometimes the guys are
tapped out. But check your lease, man. Because you're living in Bleep
G.O.B.: (Chuckles.) I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I've proved
that with Bleep Mountain.
G.O.B.: Steve Holt's not my son.
George Michael: Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?
G.O.B.: That's my son, you pothead.
G.O.B.: But it's not like envy, or even hungry.
Michael: Could it be love?
G.O.B.: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the
opposite. It's... it's like my heart is getting hard. Maybe I am
ready to be a father.
Lucille: How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that
musty old claptrap?
Michael: The cabin! Yes, th... well, that would be difficult, too.
Tobias: No, no, no, no. I-I was scared too, but I realized it was of
being a leading man. Oh, I can just taste those meaty leading man parts
in my mouth.
G.O.B.: Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of
interoffice bleeping or bleeping or finger bleep or bleepsting or
bleeping or even bleep. Even though so many people in this office are
begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay,
I'll take off my pants, I'll shave bleep. And I'll personally
Tobias: Well, yes, but I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what
was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I'm afraid I have
something of a mess on my hands.
Michael: There are just so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.
Michael: That's a wonderful performance, Dad. You're a regular Brad
(Brad beat out Jeffrey Tambor for the Emmy just a week or so before the
Maeby: Oh, hey, Michael. My dad wanted me to thank you for the romantic
getaway. Don't tell me what that means.
Michael: Where is your dad?
Maeby: He left dressed all westerny. You can leave me out of that part,
Narrator: And Michael realized that perhaps somebody would get hurt.
Michael: I screwed my brother-in-law.
Maeby: Well, I'm all grown up now.
George Michael: Yeah, I know. I'm tempted to kiss again just so we
can teach them a lesson.
Maeby: And why would that teach them a lesson?
George Michael: Oh, I mean, to freak them out.
Maeby: Yeah? But that doesn't make any sense.
George Michael: Well, isn't that what makes it funny? I'm laughing.
Go fish. Uno.
Michael: Look, I don't want your forgiveness, Dad. I want the guy
with the one arm and the fake blood. J. Walter Weatherman. How do I get
a hold of him?
George, Sr.: Well, he's, uh, dead. You killed him when you left the
door open with the air conditioner on.
Buster: "'Cause I'm an uptight... (long bleep)... Buster... (long
bleep)... you old horny slut!"
Michael: Well, no one's going to top that.
Michael: You haven't auditioned yet?
Tobias: Oh, no, no. I'm not in the group yet. No, I'm afraid I just
Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren't you? I
tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks any time.
Jessie: No. There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men
in this town.
Tobias: Well, that certainly leaves me out. (Chuckles.) She... she said
single. You did say single, correct? I...
Tobias: You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy you that tape recorder.
Do you have any idea how often you say the word "afraid"?
Michael: Well, I-I know I used it in the Jacuzzi.
Tobias: And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy.
Lucille: That hairless freak is coming here? None of his hair is real,
G.O.B.: You mean the guy we're meeting with can't even grow his own
hair? Come on!
one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.
G.O.B.: That's great. So the other 449 families live in fear? Is that
what we're saying? I mean, come on! Where's your decenc...?
G.O.B.: What the hell just fell off your face? One-One... One of those
guy's eyebrows just fell in the bowl of candy beans.
Stan Sitwell: I always carry a spare.
G.O.B.: Well, I hope you also carry a spare bowl of candy beans.
Tobias Fünke: That Funke is some kind of something! Boy, this Funke is
all anybody's ever talking about! So sick and tired of hearing about
how brilliant that Funke is! Overrated!
G.O.B.: I'm intercepting some telepathic energy. It's telling me
it's the... eight of diamonds.
George Michael: That's amazingly close.
G.O.B.: Gee, I got it wrong. Well, I guess you won the shirt off my back.
George Michael: Okay, that's amazing.
G.O.B.: It's the queen of diamonds.
George Michael: No, no, but, I mean, if that had been the actual card, I'm pretty sure I'd be almost too blown away.
G.O.B.: It's a, you know, it's a new trick. I'm still tweaking my nipple thing.
George Michael: Your presentation is great.
Michael: Whoa! What's going on here, huh? George Michael, you should get to school.
George Michael: No, we're off for two weeks, Dad. G.O.B.'s teaching me some new tricks.
G.O.B.: Spring break. It's my favorite holiday. Nothing gets me more excited.
Michael: I can see that. You might want to button that shirt up.
Narrator: Michael got a message he intended to ignore...
Cell phone text: "From Lucille Bluth. Need money."
Narrator: ... until he read the next line.
Cell phone text: "a matter of land"
Michael: A matter of land, Mom?
Lucille: Oh, that's funny. I meant "a matter of 'L' and 'D'." Life and death.
Michael: What is the matter of life and death?Lucille: Buster's jaw clicks when he eats.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
the chargers were receiving a punt on their own 15 and signaled for a fair catch. the ball bounces off the returner's shoulder and goes up in the air in front of him. a steeler catches the ball on the fly and immediately gets tackled by the returner. even after the bounce, the returner was falling backwards and tried to catch it again but couldn't.
the ruling on the field. 15-yard penalty for fair catch interference. Whaaaaaaaa?
The ref cited a rule that when a fair catch is called the returned must have an uninterfered with attempt to catch it, even if it is muffed and still in the air.
But he attempted to catch it (twice) and failed. So they punish a Steeler for catching the ball.
Monday, October 10, 2005
the point was that i can pay 10 bucks to see crosby and 30 to see lebron. and while i'm not about to pay 70 to see a non-chiefs game, it's kind of cool to know that if i wanted to see vick or peyton or tomlinson or orton, i could do so fairly easily. but seriously excluding a 2007 bears/chiefs game that i plan on attending, i can't imagine a more agonizing 3 hours of football than attending a bears game live.
i mean who doesn't love a punter's duel? although it would be fun to watch the touchdown vs. turnover ratio.
also apparently this isnt the teams site bears.com
i did a smidge of digging and found out that the bears are actually outscoring the opponents on the year. although that is skewed because they ran up the score on a division 1-AA team. (yes i know the lions are in first place, congrats, and yes i know i am doing a lot of trash talking after the chiefs completely melt down last week and gave me a simultaneous stroke and heart attack)
here are some more bears stats:
defensive tds 2
passing td 2
rush yds/game 127
pass yds/game 128
3rd down% 22/56
field goal 2/6
the point is it's cool to be able to see games here
guy who could only hit fastballs and used voodoo, and gave rum to his
voodoo doll to help him curve balls. Remember him?
Do you know who that was? President Palmer! Or Matt, since you don't watch 24, you might only
know him as the Allstate guy.
How crazy is that? He was in all 3 major league movies and even Mr.
Baseball. Just a guess but I'm pretty sure that he did 24 to pay the
bills until he found a way to get into another low budget baseball
Friday, October 07, 2005
The Sports Guy set up a book tour to promote his 2004 red sox champs
book. They set the dates weeks before they were even sure that the Red
Sox would be in the playoffs. So it was a coincidence that he
happenned to be in Chicago the night of game 2 ALDS.
Even more of a coincidence, game time and his book signing started
right at 6pm. So presumably he was watching the game while he signed
books for chicagoins while rooting against chicago, watching his team
get out to a 4-0 lead before the wsox come back to win. ouch.
By the way, he picked boston to beat chicago in 4.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
my true freshman was 20 for 37. so that's okay. but it racked up 493 yards and 9 passing tds. he also ran for a score.
perfect 6 tds in 6 red zone chances.
amazingly my defense played better than my offense.
fau 20 passes, 0 completions. 4 interceptions. they didn't catch a single pass.
23 rushes for -7 yards.
total offense: -7
5 sacks, 9 forced punts.
although they did have a slight edge in TOP.
final score 84-0.
to be fair to their passing stats, after 14 incompletions and 3 picks, i knocked their starting senior qb out of the game. they put in a freshman and he managed to throw 6 incompletions and 1 pick. the previous week against georgia tech i knocked their starting qb out for the season.
after 3 games, my qb has 1119 yards and 21 tds. Sports Illustrated* says "there isn't a better player in the country right now" as he takes the top spot in the heisman watch. *i'm not joking. it's really cool. although we'll have to watch and see if there is a cover jinx.
he is also player of the week for the ncaa - 2nd time in 3 weeks.
my defense leads the country in the following categories:
rushing yds/game -7
points/game 1 (only a field goal through 3 games)
red zone scoring 0%
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
like this is senior year, cook something in a toaster oven and then
read this as if were talking while playing in our living room.
i got through the first season of my auburn dynasty. turns out they
had oklahoma beating usc in the championship. wrong result, but pretty
impressed that they managed to get the right teams winning. i wonder
if oklahama will suck in year 2. i bet not.
well with auburn i lost at lsu and tennessee and then lost my rivalry
game against bama. 3 losses kept me out of the conference championship
and a major bowl. but i did beat georgia tech in the chick-fil-a peach
i think the game simulates other games with much longer quarters -
teams average about 500 yards on offense. so that kinda sucks. because
i had the #1 ranked defense and #109 offense. those aren't completely
false, but a little exaggerated. i did allow under 200 yards a game. i
also sucked at redzone - scored only 70% of the time. mostly because
my kicker was terrible and i had to learn the new kicking meter.
so then i started the offseason and they have a great recruiting
system, similar to fantasy, where you have recruiting points to spend
and you get to sell them on a feature of the program (you choose
prestige, playing time, location, etc.) except that i had no idea how
many points to spend on a guy vs. how many guys to go after.
i did end up getting a stellar qb. my freshman is better than every
other qb on the roster. the bummer was i only drafted 7 guys while
other schools were recruiting 20. also i had a kicker transfer so i
didn't recruit one. turns out he can't play his transfter year so i
have a punter doing kicks.
so after focusing on running with cadillac my first year, i thought i
would try and get my freshman qb the heisman. i had the option to add
a non-conf game so i set up auburn at illinois, week 1.
incredible game. my qb throws 6 tds, sneaks for another. auburn d
forces 6 turnovers. 4 picks, one where i jumped the route, tipped it,
caught it, took it to the house. also the fumbles aren't random
anymore - there is a big hit button (with the risk of missing them
completely) and my punt return has muffed a few.
in the redzone 8 times, 8 tds.
i took out the starters late to protect against injury, but once i got
in the redzone i had to score to protect my redzone stats. so my
backup qb threw for a score. herbstreit said that i was just running
my offense, but corso digs into me saying there was no reason to throw
td passes with that kind of lead.
what about the polls man. got to impress the voters.
so yeah there you go. auburn 2006 1-0. i knew it would be long.
college football. specifically my ps2 ncaa 2005 game. as ncaa 06 just
came out, i opted for last years version. mainly because it is only 10
bucks, but it also features the 05 class which i am more familiar with
because of the nfl draft. So i can play with cadillac williams, cedric
benson, jason white, alex smith, jon beutjer, derrick johnson, etc.
As for how they represent illinois...the first thing i noticed is
there is no I at the 50-yard line. there's nothing. just 100 yards of
green grass. but then i started noticing all the good things. the
endzones are accurate (more than dreamcast 2k2 could say) and they
have the updated scoreboard with the 4 pictures surrounding it. here's
the kicker...it asks you for your favorite team - so the main menu is
orange and blue and plays the war chant. pretty cool.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
arizona average 37,000 fans. where the chiefs sell out at 78,000. they
are anticipating upwards of 80,000 mexicans in a 100,000 seat stadium.
but i would be pissed if they took a home game and the homefield
advantage away from my team. and i would be against teams traveling
farther than usual (ie europe)
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
The Arizona Cardinals are getting a new stadium for 06. When completed,
the field will weigh nearly 121⁄2 million pounds and will roll in and
out of the stadium on specialized tracks. The natural turf will grow
in a series of trays filled with a foot of growing mixture. It will
remain outside the stadium where it can receive sunlight and water
until it is needed for a football game. Then a series of one
horsepower motors will move the field along the tracks into the
Seems like a lot of work to get grass to grow in a dome.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
but punted from the 35, only to get a touchback. I mean an
interception might have pinned them deeper. From that drive I knew it
was going to be a bad game. But I didn't think it would be that bad.
Really I think it's unfair that they have home games a mile above sea
level. Lesson: bet against the broncos on the road, bet on the broncos
at home. Greatest W/L home-away disparity in the league.
Monday, September 26, 2005
When I saw that my WR's got outscored 28 - 4, I knew I had lost again. That would bring my record to a miserable 1-2. I was down 32 points. And I still had Ladainian Tomlinson going in the Sunday night game, but he had Shockey. I started watching the game, but as soon as Shockey started catching some long passes I gave up even the slightest hope.
I was even rooting for the Giant to beat the Chargers, the 2004 afc west champs.
So I turned on the game in the 4th quarter. And I saw a LT rushing touchdown, so I figured at least he was making respectable. That put the chargers up 42 to 23. They said that was his 4th touchdown of the night. So I thought that I would see how close he had come.
When I needed LT to outscore Shockey by 32, he had already put up 38! But Shockey had put up 100 yards so I was still losing: Hoagies 111, Badass Birds 115.
But now the Giants are passing big to try and come back and I am sure Schockey is going to put it away. But wait..Giants WR fumbles. Now the Chargers have 6 minutes to run out the clock. But up 19, can LT get 40 yards? Or another TD? On the first play from his own 10, LT runs a sweep to the outside, I'm screaming at the tv, rooting for a division rival, as LT goes s20, 30....40 yards! Keeps going, 70 yard run. That puts me ahead - for the moment. LT comes out of the game for the last time and San Diego gets a field goal. But there are still 4 minutes for Shockey to tie it up with 20 yards.
The Chargers D comes up huge and forces a garbage time punt. Unbelievable. Best Comeback Ever. LT finishes with a whopping 44 point game.
Final 117 - 111.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
and the chiefs held on to beat the raiders 23 to 17 on the road in a primetime affair. the chiefs had the ball on their own 25 with 5 minutes to go, 3rd and 7. green rifles it to samie "who's that?" parker for 20 yards, and i shouted "yes" and "hold on to it". of course he immediately got the ball punched out at the 50. it was their only turnover of the game. so the chiefs went from almost being able to run out the clock to trying to hold the raiders and randy to no touchdowns on a 50-yard field.
needless to say, i was panicked and sulking, after randy had caught 5 of the 7 balls thrown his way (and one that didn't count because of a phantom offensive pass interference call in the endzone - and it was awesome to hear norv "my brother is ron" turner whining about the call at halftime).
it came down to the 2 minute warning with a 3rd and 6 from the kc 10. a blitzer got a finger on the ball to knock it down. 4th and 6. ball thrown to porter in the endzone, who has a step on his receiver, but can't bring it down. chiefs win.
amazingly, they never throw the ball to randy on the final series. i mean sure kc was covering him, but they were doing that all game, he is just that good.
also in the late 3rd, with the score 17 to 17, the chiefs had 1st and goal from the 9. 2 holding penalties later, and it was 1st and goal from the 29. i'm surprised tynes could even salvage 3 points out of that.
also, burnsy and i got some soft cheddar cheese and grilled some awesome burgers for lunch, but i never had one for dinner, because i filled up on the cheese and crackers.
For those of you who had week 2 in the "How long before someone gets
twice as many points as Burnsy" Pool, you win!
1 I Miss Burgers and Football 98
2 Hoagies 91
3 SalukiDawg 84
4 burnsy 49
It's a long season guys.
At least 3 of us are still in contention.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Ari Gold: [pulling envelope out of drawer] In this envelope, there are
the names of eight agents. If anyone catches you, eat it. Nod if you
Lloyd: I understand.
Ari Gold: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd... I want you to... to
swear your undying loyalty to me.
Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business
or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.
Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you, Ari.
Ari Gold: Good. Now, I want you to go to each of these agents –
discreetly - and say the words "tse-tse fly". Say nothing else. Now
Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency -
Ari Gold: *Silence* is fucking golden, Lloyd. Go.
Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders,
binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an
executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack
that bitch! Chop suey!
Bob Saget: Yeah, come over any time. But hey, don't fuck my
daughters... Don't you fuck 'em... I'm just fuckin with ya, man.
Ari Gold: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the
mailroom, offered to blow me. True story.
Ari Gold: You all know who's been running this company for the past
eight years. And you all know that when I go, in no time you will be
repping nobodys like Bill from "The Apprentice." No one needs to make
a decision right now. I will be starting my own agency. Two very
important goals will apply-- to make everyone who is in at the ground
floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground! Lloyd,
are you with me?
Ari Gold: [Lloyd remains silent. Ari approaches him.] Lloyd, what are
you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on, let's go.
Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything
offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari Gold: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Lloyd. It's a company car. Mr. McQuewick
said I can't give it to him.
Ari Gold: Can't give it to me? Ernesto, how many fucking pesos did I
give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past
decade? Half of Mexico is eating on my tips that I have given you. Now
bring my motherfucking car now, por favor!
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can't do it. Oh, and Mr. Gold.
I'm from Guatemala, and our currency is the Quetzal.
Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take
in the ass for an Oscar.
Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.
Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not
Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar
pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Ari Gold: All right, well when you talk to Dana, tell her I still have
the pictures from Cancun. Tell her I'm going to start a website. Tell
her it's going to be called i'm a hollywood whore dot com. There will
be no registration or credit card required. Tell her I'm going to take
out a full page ad in the LA Times promoting it. Tell her I want a
fucking call back.
Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills,
and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a
country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then
I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a
Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric] There better be
a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric.
Eric: No, Ari, it's a fucking iceberg.
Ari Gold: What are you talking about?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Bullshit. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: Josh Weinstein, asshole. Now, why don't you get your hand off
your dick and go call somebody.
Ari Gold: Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here?
[Ari storms into the room]
Ari Gold: James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"?
Surprised Kid: That's great, that's awesome!
Ari Gold: That's "awesome", huh? You didn't think to bring it up in
the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking
Surprised Kid: I...I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.
Ari Gold: Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What
the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you
can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
Surprised Kid: I... I didn't think...
Ari Gold: Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything,
know why? Cause you can pick up all your stuff, cause you're
[Ari storms out]
CAA Assistant: What happened?
Surprised Kid: I don't know. I came in to drop off Peter's mail and
Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over!
Ari's Wife: What's in the bag?
Ari Gold: A kilo of blow. What's with all the questions?
Ari Gold: Tsetse fly.
Here are even more Entourage Quotes, primarily from season three.