Entourage Quotes

Ari Gold: Call me Helen Keller because I'm a fucking miracle worker!

Ari Gold: [pulling envelope out of drawer] In this envelope, there are
the names of eight agents. If anyone catches you, eat it. Nod if you
understand me.
Lloyd: I understand.
Ari Gold: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd... I want you to... to
swear your undying loyalty to me.
Lloyd: Ari...
Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business
or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.
Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you, Ari.
Ari Gold: Good. Now, I want you to go to each of these agents –
discreetly - and say the words "tse-tse fly". Say nothing else. Now
go.
Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency -
Ari Gold: *Silence* is fucking golden, Lloyd. Go.

Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders,
binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an
executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack
that bitch! Chop suey!

Bob Saget: Yeah, come over any time. But hey, don't fuck my
daughters... Don't you fuck 'em... I'm just fuckin with ya, man.

Ari Gold: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the
mailroom, offered to blow me. True story.

Ari Gold: You all know who's been running this company for the past
eight years. And you all know that when I go, in no time you will be
repping nobodys like Bill from "The Apprentice." No one needs to make
a decision right now. I will be starting my own agency. Two very
important goals will apply-- to make everyone who is in at the ground
floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground! Lloyd,
are you with me?
Ari Gold: [Lloyd remains silent. Ari approaches him.] Lloyd, what are
you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on, let's go.
Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything
offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari Gold: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.


Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Lloyd. It's a company car. Mr. McQuewick
said I can't give it to him.
Ari Gold: Can't give it to me? Ernesto, how many fucking pesos did I
give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past
decade? Half of Mexico is eating on my tips that I have given you. Now
bring my motherfucking car now, por favor!
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can't do it. Oh, and Mr. Gold.
I'm from Guatemala, and our currency is the Quetzal.

Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take
in the ass for an Oscar.
Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.

Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not
even Hispanic.
Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar
pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.

Ari Gold: All right, well when you talk to Dana, tell her I still have
the pictures from Cancun. Tell her I'm going to start a website. Tell
her it's going to be called i'm a hollywood whore dot com. There will
be no registration or credit card required. Tell her I'm going to take
out a full page ad in the LA Times promoting it. Tell her I want a
fucking call back.

Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills,
and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a
country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then
I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a
motherfucking Wednesday.

Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric] There better be
a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric.
Eric: No, Ari, it's a fucking iceberg.
Ari Gold: What are you talking about?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Bullshit. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: Josh Weinstein, asshole. Now, why don't you get your hand off
your dick and go call somebody.

Ari Gold: Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here?
[Ari storms into the room]
Ari Gold: James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"?
Surprised Kid: That's great, that's awesome!
Ari Gold: That's "awesome", huh? You didn't think to bring it up in
the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking
sticky-something?
Surprised Kid: I...I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.
Ari Gold: Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What
the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you
can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
Surprised Kid: I... I didn't think...
Ari Gold: Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything,
know why? Cause you can pick up all your stuff, cause you're
mother-fucking fired!
[Ari storms out]
CAA Assistant: What happened?
Surprised Kid: I don't know. I came in to drop off Peter's mail and
Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over!

Ari's Wife: What's in the bag?
Ari Gold: A kilo of blow. What's with all the questions?

Ari Gold: Tsetse fly.

Here are even more Entourage Quotes, primarily from season three.