10 Reasons to Get Rid of Soccer

1. 0-0 games. I've seen more action in tough actin' Tinactin. Why play for 2 hours to have a game decide by a penalty kick?

2. Drunken hooligan fans. Here in America, we wait until after win to get rowdy and riot - not in the middle of the first half.

3. Nascar Uniforms. I've seen jerseys with so many sponsors I thought Kraft was playing Nabisco in the Cookie Cup.

4. Throw-ins? Let me get this straight, you can't touch the ball with your hands, unless you are out of bounds. Who thought that rule up? 10 euros says it wasn't an American.

5. Weather cry-babys. I've never seen a soccer match in the snow. If you can't handle the extreme weather, maybe that's why you're playing soccer.

6. World Cup Yawn. The "biggest" soccer event only happens every 4 years. What are soccer nuts supposed to do between them? Also, I use the term biggest loosely because it's soccer.

7. Yellow cards, red cards. If you hit someone, you get a penalty. I'm sure David Carr would rather play soccer.

8. GOOOOOOOOOOOAL. Lame announcers. Nuff 'said.

9. Did I mention low scoring? Across the pond, we Americans like to watch scoring.

10. It's soccer. No one cares about soccer. It's boring. It might have been nice in 1934, but we have better sports now. Get a clue!