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The Lions finished with a net points total of -98; the Chiefs -109. How did Detroit finish .188 above Kansas City, by only having an 11 point advantage? They played smart. They saved up their points for close games, making sure to get blown out by 30 points or more 4 times, not to mention a 21-point loss to Green Bay in week 17 when the game meant nothing to the Packers.
They started off 6-2 and it looked as they would get to their infamous 10 wins. But the second half of the season was not as kind. They would have lost 8 in a row if it wasn’t for their cupcake opponent in week 16.
I’m only at 117 words? Fuck.
Let’s see, the Lions went 1-6 against playoff teams. The Chiefs went 1-5. Hmm. The Lions beat the Bears twice, while the Chiefs couldn’t overcome the power of the Sex Cannon.
The Lions were 9th in passing yards, which I’m sure had nothing to do with the fact that they were 31st in rushing. 32nd, you ask? Why the Kansas City Chiefs, of course!
The also happened to be next to last in both yards and points, so you consider “offense” a weak point on the Chiefs.
The Chiefs employed a risky strategy of neither run blocking nor pass blocking. It didn’t pay off as much as you might have thought it would.
Since I’m not even halfway, here’s a sample transcript of me watching a Chiefs game:
Throw the ball! Throw it!
(interception)
Not to him! Damnit!
(2yd loss on run play on 3rd down)
How come every other fucking team in the fucking league can run the ball for a fucking yard?! Piece of shit team. Come on!
Come on please, miss that kick. Please miss it. Miss it! Miss it!
(opposing team makes field goal)
So that’s how you make a fucking field goal! I wouldn’t know because our piece of shit kicker is shanking 27-yarders! Fuck me!
(crappy running back runs right through the Chiefs defense)
You have GOT to be kidding me! We’re getting run on Cedric Fucking Benson! Oh my god. Oh my God!
Come on. Let the kid play. Let’s see what’s he worth. He deserves a shot. He’s the future of the franchise!
(Croyle gets sacked, fumbles the ball, opposing team runs it in for the touchdown, on the return Croyle tries to make a tackle, gets called for a penalty, and injured himself in the process)
That’s just about right.
For the record, that play actually happened against the Lions, the Chiefs went on to lose by 5. Which just about sums up why the Lions are better than the Chiefs.
46 words left, huh? Well how about this? One of the Chiefs key free agent signings was Eddie Drummond, former kickoff returner for the Detroit Lions. Guess what, he sucked. When trash from the Lions is good enough to make your roster, that’s when you know, this is a “rebuilding” year.
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Well, I got my 500 words. And the photoshop job. So I guess all that's left is for me to buy Mark a burger:
They started off 6-2 and it looked as they would get to their infamous 10 wins. But the second half of the season was not as kind. They would have lost 8 in a row if it wasn’t for their cupcake opponent in week 16.
I’m only at 117 words? Fuck.
Let’s see, the Lions went 1-6 against playoff teams. The Chiefs went 1-5. Hmm. The Lions beat the Bears twice, while the Chiefs couldn’t overcome the power of the Sex Cannon.
The Lions were 9th in passing yards, which I’m sure had nothing to do with the fact that they were 31st in rushing. 32nd, you ask? Why the Kansas City Chiefs, of course!
The also happened to be next to last in both yards and points, so you consider “offense” a weak point on the Chiefs.
The Chiefs employed a risky strategy of neither run blocking nor pass blocking. It didn’t pay off as much as you might have thought it would.
Since I’m not even halfway, here’s a sample transcript of me watching a Chiefs game:
Throw the ball! Throw it!
(interception)
Not to him! Damnit!
(2yd loss on run play on 3rd down)
How come every other fucking team in the fucking league can run the ball for a fucking yard?! Piece of shit team. Come on!
Come on please, miss that kick. Please miss it. Miss it! Miss it!
(opposing team makes field goal)
So that’s how you make a fucking field goal! I wouldn’t know because our piece of shit kicker is shanking 27-yarders! Fuck me!
(crappy running back runs right through the Chiefs defense)
You have GOT to be kidding me! We’re getting run on Cedric Fucking Benson! Oh my god. Oh my God!
Come on. Let the kid play. Let’s see what’s he worth. He deserves a shot. He’s the future of the franchise!
(Croyle gets sacked, fumbles the ball, opposing team runs it in for the touchdown, on the return Croyle tries to make a tackle, gets called for a penalty, and injured himself in the process)
That’s just about right.
For the record, that play actually happened against the Lions, the Chiefs went on to lose by 5. Which just about sums up why the Lions are better than the Chiefs.
46 words left, huh? Well how about this? One of the Chiefs key free agent signings was Eddie Drummond, former kickoff returner for the Detroit Lions. Guess what, he sucked. When trash from the Lions is good enough to make your roster, that’s when you know, this is a “rebuilding” year.
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Well, I got my 500 words. And the photoshop job. So I guess all that's left is for me to buy Mark a burger:
Well done. You are a man of your word. I hope the burger is bigger in real life.
ReplyDeleteAlso, where was the photoshop? I just saw a picture of you in your Lions gear and that burger which I don't think you photoshopped.