Hot Dogging

Mike Royko:

"No, I won't condemn anyone for putting ketchup on a hot dog. This is the land of the free. And if someone wants to put ketchup on a hot dog and actually eat the awful thing, that is their right. It is also their right to put mayo or chocolate syrup or toenail clippings or cat hair on a hot dog. Sure, it would be disgusting and perverted, and they would be shaming themselves and their loved ones. But under our system of government, it is their right to be barbarians."

At this point, I really can't enjoy a hot dog without the holy trinity of toppings: mustard, onion, and relish. And if I'm getting one while I'm out, I'll order it with everything but tomato, which adds pickle spear, sport peppers and celery salt.

What's this got to do with sports?
Nathan's sham of a contest, that's what.

They say it's a hot dog eating contest, but really they should advertise it as a meat eating contest combined with mushy, wet bun eating contest. Because how the champ eats it, is not a hot dog.

For it to be a hot dog, the dog must be in the bun. There is no "soaking" of any ingredients in water to make them go down easier. And they need at least mustard. If you want to load it up Chicago style, fine by me, but you can't eat a hot dog without mustard.