There I was, in the voting booth a little after 8 a.m. CST. The ballot in my hands, with a million thoughts running through my brain. The debates, the policy positions, the judgment and character of the candidates, and of course, the attack ads.
As I stared at the two sides of the arrow I had to connect, I had a struggle with my conscience. Who is the real Barack Obama? Was I really voting for a Socialist? How could I vote for someone who knew Bill Ayers? Isn't he too risky? And was he even born in the United States?
I did the only thing I could do. With a heavy heart, I filled in the ballot for John McCain and Sarah Palin. They might keep us in Iraq for another for years, but I couldn't live with myself knowing that I put a secret Muslim terrorist in the White house.
* * *
Of course, the act of filling in McCain's arrow sent my body into anaphylactic shock and I passed out. When I woke up 15 minutes later, with a piece of donut in my mouth, I came to my senses and crossed out McCain's arrow and filled in Obama's.
* * *
In case anyone who doesn't know me ends up reading this...(cough, cough) satire.
Here's what really happened: I went to bed a little after 1. And then I woke up with a nosebleed. I've been having recurring nosebleeds off and on for a long time. And it's usually no big deal. I've gotten quite adept at holding my nose and running to the bathroom.
Anyways, so out of habit, I got in the shower, washed up and by the time I was finished the nosebleed had stopped. As I reached for my towel, memory pieces started assembling in my head. Brittany was still in bed. By the time my alarm goes off she should be at work. Did my alarm go off?
And then I opened the bathroom door and looked into my living room. Pitch black. That's not good. I thought to myself, I hope it's closer to 7 than it is to 5:30. I walked to the kitchen and looked at the microwave: 3:45 a.m. I'm an idiot. I went back to bed.
Luckily, my hair didn't get messed up so I didn't need to shower again in the morning, and I actually felt fully rested and ready to go. So it didn't turn out terrible but I'm still pretty stupid for showering before 4 a.m. on election day. And yes, this part really is true. As for voting, it was quick, and a little exciting. I was proud to wear my Obama shirt, even if I had to covertly hide it under my coat. And now I've got 2 receipts for the times I voted for Obama. February 5th and November 4th.
But the real excitement is yet to come.
that's hilarious that you were so excited to vote, that you woke up 3 hours early. but i think you should have listened to your body. obviously you didn't get the message.
ReplyDeletei know it's too late, but let me help you. nosebleed? on election day? what color was the blood? red? maybe your body was trying to tell you to vote for McCain/Palin.