Ranking the NFL Fan Experiences

You don't pick what NFL team you're a fan of. But what if you could? And you had a time machine? Well, even you're not in the market for a new team, I thought it would be fun to rate the experiences of being a NFL fan focused primarily on success over the last 20 years and hope on the horizon.

I'm choosing to focus on the last 20 years as I'm in mid-30's and that's my frame of reference. But also the world we're in is a what have you done for me lately kind of world. In my head, Cowboys dynasty of the 90's is beyond what feels like recent history, while Tom Brady's first Super Bowl still feels like recent history in part because he's still in the league. Hopefully that makes sense. Also, the St. Louis Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV but the Rams aren't in St. Louis in anymore, so it's good dividing point as well.



Brutal Division

To determine what's the worst team to be a fan of you have to weigh a lot of factors: playoff win droughts, Super Bowl losses, even team relocation. Is it worse to get tantalizingly close and then collapse in heartbreaking fashion or is it worse to never even have hope in the first place? Does hope outweigh everything else, considering we're only talking about bad teams? Amazingly, there's 10 teams here in this division and almost all of them have a viable case for why they should be ranked the worst.


32. Browns

They've won the least games in the NFL since 2000 and it's not close. They went 0-16. Their last playoff win was 1995. Not only that, they've only been to the playoffs once since then, in 2003. That's just incredibly brutal. Browns football is misery, year after year. They know they're going to suck and then they suck. Their QB history is nightmare fuel. You could make the argument that being a Lions fan is worse because the Browns never get their hopes up. Even when they tank and draft a QB #1 and trade for Odell, they still stink. But here's what puts the Browns over the top: Their team was moved to Baltimore and won a Super Bowl within five years.


31. Lions

The Lions really are Charlie Brown trying to kick the football. They get generational players like Sanders and Megatron only for them to retire in their prime. They've had 11 seasons of Matt Stafford who at times plays like a MVP and others like a benchwarmer. Orlovsky ran out of the end zone. Marty Mornhinweg picked the wind in sudden death. They went 0-16 before it was cool. Their last playoff win was 1991. And just when you think they're about to win a playoff game, the refs pick up the flag.


30. Bengals

They own the longest playoff win drought in the NFL. Their last 7 playoff games have been losses. 4 of them at home. And yet, they're not at the bottom of the NFL in wins. They're middle of the pack. They went 12-4 in 2015! They were about to win a playoff game over their hated rival Steelers, when back to back personal fouls pushed the Steelers into field goal range. Losing over and over in the playoffs is so goddamn painful, because you can't even enjoy winning the division knowing what's about to happen.


29. Falcons

They've had a lot of winning seasons with talented rosters. And yet when it came to the playoffs, it always ended it heartbreak. They've been a team for 54 years and never won a Super Bowl. They finally overcome playoff struggles and make the Super Bowl for the first time this century. And then it happens. 28-3 is a joke that will live on and on. To be that close to the entire goal and choke it away just has to be the worst feeling in the world. If that happened to me, I honestly don't know how I could continue to root for this team or watch football at all.


28. Chargers

Despite winning a ton and haven't great players to watch, this team has a double whammy. They never even got to the conference championship round despite so many chances. AND the freaking team left San Diego. For Chargers fans in San Diego that feeling of abandonment is almost as bad as 28-3. Although, you could still watch on TV and it's not that far away. So that's why I've got their experience better than the Falcons.


27. Raiders

I didn't initially think they would fit in the Brutal Division, but here's their playoff history this century: Wild-card loss in 2016, then a Super Bowl loss in 2002, then the Tuck Rule loss in 2001. It's got a little bit of everything: playoff drought, SB loss, and a feeling of being cheated. The Antonio Brown saga was awful. Oh yeah, and they're moving to Vegas. That's two out of three Oakland teams leaving in the same year.


26. Washington

Let's see: terrible owner. No hope on the horizon. Racist team name generating controversy every year. Long playoff win drought. And they had a genuinely exciting player in RG3 and ruined him.


25. Jets

Buttfumble. Mono. Drunk Namath. It really is incredible how many teams are more punchlines than football programs. They're even the little brother to a team in the same stadium that's won two titles. They had a glimmer of hope with Rex Ryan and Sanchez but never made it to a Super Bowl. And Sam Darnold as a savior isn't quite panning out yet.


24. Dolphins

Okay, so they haven't won a playoff game since 2000. And this year they became a national punchline. But also they have a TON of draft capital. And they had the Miami Miracle too.


23. Bills

Bills fans seem to have lots of fun. They have great tailgates. They know how to spice up a Patriots game. Occasionally they have a game in the snow that is incredible to watch. They have times when they're frisky on the field. The knock on them is their last playoff win was 1995. But it doesn't seem to bring them down.


Merely Bad Division

We're finally out of gut-wrenching territory. Really says something that for 10 teams in the NFL, misery is the defining emotion.


22. Jaguars

They've only made the playoffs three times in two decades, so it's been a tough road. But they did have a strong recent run and built a defensive identity. They also had Minshew Mania which at least counts for something. The haven't had a ton to root for, but at least they're not in the brutal division.


21. Titans

Their first season in Tennessee was as the Tennessee Oilers in Memphis. The following season they were the Tennessee Oilers in Nashville. It was their third season, that they finally become the Tennessee Titans. And that year they got the Music City Miracle and went to the Super Bowl. Since then they've mostly been mediocre but have had three separate years with playoff wins.


Up and Down Division

Both of these teams have had highs and lows.


20. Vikings

I bet if you asked Vikings fans, plenty would be arguing they should be ranked worse on this list. The Blair Walsh game. Favre's interception in the NFC Championship. Even going back to the 1998 15-1 season that ended on another missed kick. The sex boat scandal. Never getting a Super Bowl out of Randy Moss. While there are plenty of low points, they've also had some fun teams, players and moments. Culpepper, Moss, Favre, Peterson, Cook. They win a lot. And they got the Minnesota Miracle.


19. Cowboys

The biggest Cowboys memory I have this century is the Romo botched hold. But they also went from Romo to Dak and are usually competitive. They were the benefit of the Lions picked up flag but then went on to run into their own Dez catch controversy. Kind of feels like this team is in purgatory. Never all the way good, never all the way bad.


So Close Division

This is the grouping for teams who's last two decades are defined by a Super Bowl loss. Having a season where you make the Super Bowl is great. But to lose and not have a recent title has to sting. I already covered the Falcons where the way they lost moved them into the Brutal Division. Here are teams that can at least remember a good run and/or hope for another.


18. Cardinals

For a team that has a reputation of a basement-dweller, they've actually had some decent moments. Their playoff run and Super Bowl lives on and I still respect it, even without the title. They out-dueled prime Rodgers and the Packers in the playoffs—twice. They had Warner-Fitzgerald and now over a decade later they have Murray-Fitzgerald. I mean that's nuts. Build the Larry Fitzgerald statue.


17. Bears

The year is 2080. Every quarterback in the NFL is named Allen. The Bears have a great defense and a bad quarterback. This is their identity and so it shall be. In 2006, that defense and special teams took them to the Super Bowl. Hester gave them the fastest score in SB history and the lead over Peyton Manning. Rex Grossman threw a touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. (Also two interceptions.) This team never gets your hopes all the way up and that's a good thing.


16. Panthers

These SB losses probably sting more than I know, especially if Cam is never healthy SuperCam again. But they've had a number of entertaining seasons, and they still have CMC, the only running back candidate with an MVP case in recent history.


15. Rams

This is a complicated one. For the Raiders and Chargers, it really felt like their fans were in one city and their team got moved away from that city. In this case, the Rams were in St. Louis for 20 years and won a Super Bowl back in 1999, just outside the window I'm focused on. But they were in L.A. before and had fans there too. They've had a number of sucky years but have now built a contender. All in all, it's a mixed bag. If you're a St. Louis fan, your team left but did win a Super Bowl. If you're an L.A. fan, they just lost the Super Bowl but have reason to expect they can go back.


Hope on the Horizon Division

These teams haven't won a title in the last 20 years, but they at least have reason for optimism.


14. Texans

They've been a team since 2002 but haven't made it to a Conference Championship game. But they have three playoff wins this decade and they have Deshaun Watson. Just keep him healthy. And while they haven't reached the pinnacle yet, they also haven't felt the sting of a Super Bowl loss or gut-punch playoff losses.


13. 49ers

If I made this list in the offseason, the 49ers wouldn't be this high. But they have a young roster with stars and it seems like a franchise QB. Yes, they too had a Super Bowl loss. But honestly, I forgot about that. That's not what's defining this team at the moment.


12. Chiefs

I promise the point of this was not to proclaim that being a Chiefs fan is the best of all the teams without a recent title. As of 2015, they were in the same boat with Bengals and Lions for playoff win droughts. They won one, then traded up to draft Mahomes and you've got to like their chances in the next decade.


Still Counts Division

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I'd rather have a genuine Super Bowl win in recent memory than a great roster because you never know what's going to happen.


11. Bucs (1 title)

The last time this team won a playoff game was the 2002 Super Bowl. Since then they've been pretty awful and somehow the Jameis Winston era is going kind of like the Josh Freeman era. (Neither one even made it to the playoffs.) But still that Super Bowl win. That defense is remembered fondly. Now in another 10 years, this ranking would get a lot bleaker.


10. Giants (2 titles)

From here on in, all of the fans of these teams have been fortunate. The Giants have won two titles, more than some of the teams I've ranked as higher. Mostly due to the lack of hope moving forward. Despite getting Saquon Barkley, I don't see this team being a Super Bowl contender in the near future. They got two titles out of Eli, which is incredible, and both were over the greatest dynasty of this century. Enough to hold your head high for sure.


9. Broncos (1 title)

Not only did they win a Super Bowl with Peyton, they also won two in the late 90's with Elway. Even if it's beyond what I'm counting, it's still there for people old enough to remember it. They have a cool gimmick with Mile High and they've had a good team and stars like Von Miller. So that's all good stuff. They also got blown out in the Super Bowl AND had the brutal playoff loss with Flacco to Jacoby Jones over Rahim Moore. And moving forward, Elway has shown he sucks at picking QBs.


Champs + Still Good Division

Once you look at the league like this it's super unfair that some teams have recent titles and are still good and so many teams have no titles and are still dogshit. All of these fans are living the dream.


8. Eagles (1 title)

This team has won 14 playoff games since 2000. McNabb. Owens. Vick. Foles. Jackson. Wentz. Foles again. After all those times falling short, they enter Super Bowl LII as a big underdog and Philly Special their way to an all-time classic win. And they still have Wentz and a good team. Honestly, that's a great experience.


7. Saints (1 title)

A team like the Steelers had decades of success and titles and the expectation of winning. The Saints were the Aints. When you're at the bottom and then you reach the top, it's so much sweeter. (The Saints first playoff win was in 2000. They entered the league in 1967. Holy shit.) And then Hurricane Katrina destroyed the city. What happened next? They hired Sean Payton. They signed Drew Brees. Their home opener in the restored Superdome is the stuff of legends. And then they go out and win the freaking Super Bowl. Of course, since then they were on the wrong side of the Minnesota Miracle and then a No-Call so bad the league changed their challenge rules. They still have a Super Bowl window with Drew Brees but it's closing.


6. Colts (1 title)

Most teams dream of the chance of getting a franchise quarterback. When the Bucs drafted Winston and Titans drafted Mariota, they're crossing their fingers that those losing seasons were worth it. The Colts draft Peyton Manning (you know the guy who's #1 in all-time passing touchdowns) and then the one year of his 17-year career that he doesn't play, the Colts suck and draft Luck. A QB prospect so surefire that they Colts give up on 4 more years of Peyton Manning. Then Luck retires prematurely, but the Colts still have a good GM and roster. Oh yeah, and they won a Super Bowl.


5. Packers (1 title)

If you just read the Manning to Luck story, the Favre to Rodgers story will seem all too familiar. The Packers won a Super Bowl with Favre in the 90's and then win a Super Bowl with Rodgers in 2010. The only downside is that Rodgers is so good, you'd have expected this team to win more than one title. Still legendary stadium, great fan experience, no signs of slowing down.


4. Seahawks (1 title)

In the early part of this century, Seattle was in the So Close Division, suffering a Super Bowl loss to the Steelers. Then they got Marshawn Lynch's Beastquake. Then they drafted Russell Wilson and built the Legion of Boom. The 49ers tried to throw a fade to a mediocre receiver and the Seahawks blew out the Broncos 43-8. Of course, they next year they could have handed the ball to Lynch and won another Super Bowl but didn't. Still, Wilson has a good roster around him and this team should be a contender throughout the next decade.


3. Steelers (2 titles)

I think Pittsburgh has the best case of a franchise built through multiple, smart coaches. They're always a solid team, even when players get injured or whatever challenges they've faced. Big Ben won two Super Bowls during Brady's prime. And even beyond Big Ben, I'm sure this team will be well-coached and a tough out.


2. Ravens (2 titles)

Their Colts left for Indianapolis and Baltimore was without a team for almost two decades. Then they get the Browns but give them a cool name, logo and color scheme. They made purple look cool, while the Vikings have not. They win the Super Bowl with a historic defense that everyone still hails as the gold standard. Then in 2012 they actually turn Flacco's hail mary over the Broncos into another Super Bowl win. It always bothers me when great plays or comebacks don't end up as titles (Illinois vs Arizona 2005 comes to mind) so when you see a play like that create a title, it's awesome. They get the nod over the Steelers because one team has Lamar Jackson and one has Mason Rudolph.


1. Patriots (6 titles)

Look, I hate Patriots fans. They're smug, self-entitled assholes. But being a Patriots fan? It's gotta be lots of fun. You get to have conversations around most successful team of all time and greatest QB of all time. And there's enough Super Bowl losses that they shouldn't take Super Bowl wins for granted. If they only had 3 titles, there could be a case that it might be more fun to be Steelers or Ravens or Giants, teams that have taken down the Evil Empire and all that. But with 6 titles, there's really no argument to be made. Patriot fans have had the most fun.