so i'm not about to hop on any chicago bandwagons, but i will say this, it is kind of cool to live in a market full of pro teams. driving by soldier field every week, it's just cool. (for the record, i still don't care about baseball, but i'm a sucker for playoffs in just about anything. i would watch playoffs in office flickball contests. and as for rooting for teams, i'd like to see the white sox beat the yankees, and the cards beat the astros. i'm rooting as hard as I was for boston to win the alcs last year, i think it would be cool, but i'm not at all invested and don't consider myself a fan of either team)
the point was that i can pay 10 bucks to see crosby and 30 to see lebron. and while i'm not about to pay 70 to see a non-chiefs game, it's kind of cool to know that if i wanted to see vick or peyton or tomlinson or orton, i could do so fairly easily. but seriously excluding a 2007 bears/chiefs game that i plan on attending, i can't imagine a more agonizing 3 hours of football than attending a bears game live.
i mean who doesn't love a punter's duel? although it would be fun to watch the touchdown vs. turnover ratio.
also apparently this isnt the teams site bears.com
i did a smidge of digging and found out that the bears are actually outscoring the opponents on the year. although that is skewed because they ran up the score on a division 1-AA team. (yes i know the lions are in first place, congrats, and yes i know i am doing a lot of trash talking after the chiefs completely melt down last week and gave me a simultaneous stroke and heart attack)
here are some more bears stats:
tds 8
turnovers 11
defensive tds 2
passing td 2
ints 6
punts 21
rush yds/game 127
pass yds/game 128
3rd down% 22/56
field goal 2/6
the point is it's cool to be able to see games here
Monday, October 10, 2005
I have a very urgent and late breaking news story...
Okay, think back to the Major League movies. Remember the big black
guy who could only hit fastballs and used voodoo, and gave rum to his
voodoo doll to help him curve balls. Remember him?
Do you know who that was? President Palmer! Or Matt, since you don't watch 24, you might only
know him as the Allstate guy.
How crazy is that? He was in all 3 major league movies and even Mr.
Baseball. Just a guess but I'm pretty sure that he did 24 to pay the
bills until he found a way to get into another low budget baseball
movie.
guy who could only hit fastballs and used voodoo, and gave rum to his
voodoo doll to help him curve balls. Remember him?
Do you know who that was? President Palmer! Or Matt, since you don't watch 24, you might only
know him as the Allstate guy.
How crazy is that? He was in all 3 major league movies and even Mr.
Baseball. Just a guess but I'm pretty sure that he did 24 to pay the
bills until he found a way to get into another low budget baseball
movie.
Friday, October 07, 2005
Sports Guy vs Chicago
this is so ironic. or something.
The Sports Guy set up a book tour to promote his 2004 red sox champs
book. They set the dates weeks before they were even sure that the Red
Sox would be in the playoffs. So it was a coincidence that he
happenned to be in Chicago the night of game 2 ALDS.
Even more of a coincidence, game time and his book signing started
right at 6pm. So presumably he was watching the game while he signed
books for chicagoins while rooting against chicago, watching his team
get out to a 4-0 lead before the wsox come back to win. ouch.
By the way, he picked boston to beat chicago in 4.
The Sports Guy set up a book tour to promote his 2004 red sox champs
book. They set the dates weeks before they were even sure that the Red
Sox would be in the playoffs. So it was a coincidence that he
happenned to be in Chicago the night of game 2 ALDS.
Even more of a coincidence, game time and his book signing started
right at 6pm. So presumably he was watching the game while he signed
books for chicagoins while rooting against chicago, watching his team
get out to a 4-0 lead before the wsox come back to win. ouch.
By the way, he picked boston to beat chicago in 4.
NCAA 2005 vol3
i knew coming in to my game against FAU, that it would be a rout. but i had no idea.
my true freshman was 20 for 37. so that's okay. but it racked up 493 yards and 9 passing tds. he also ran for a score.
perfect 6 tds in 6 red zone chances.
amazingly my defense played better than my offense.
fau 20 passes, 0 completions. 4 interceptions. they didn't catch a single pass.
23 rushes for -7 yards.
total offense: -7
5 sacks, 9 forced punts.
although they did have a slight edge in TOP.
final score 84-0.
to be fair to their passing stats, after 14 incompletions and 3 picks, i knocked their starting senior qb out of the game. they put in a freshman and he managed to throw 6 incompletions and 1 pick. the previous week against georgia tech i knocked their starting qb out for the season.
after 3 games, my qb has 1119 yards and 21 tds. Sports Illustrated* says "there isn't a better player in the country right now" as he takes the top spot in the heisman watch. *i'm not joking. it's really cool. although we'll have to watch and see if there is a cover jinx.
he is also player of the week for the ncaa - 2nd time in 3 weeks.
my defense leads the country in the following categories:
yards/game 33
rushing yds/game -7
points/game 1 (only a field goal through 3 games)
sacks 19
picks 8
red zone scoring 0%
my true freshman was 20 for 37. so that's okay. but it racked up 493 yards and 9 passing tds. he also ran for a score.
perfect 6 tds in 6 red zone chances.
amazingly my defense played better than my offense.
fau 20 passes, 0 completions. 4 interceptions. they didn't catch a single pass.
23 rushes for -7 yards.
total offense: -7
5 sacks, 9 forced punts.
although they did have a slight edge in TOP.
final score 84-0.
to be fair to their passing stats, after 14 incompletions and 3 picks, i knocked their starting senior qb out of the game. they put in a freshman and he managed to throw 6 incompletions and 1 pick. the previous week against georgia tech i knocked their starting qb out for the season.
after 3 games, my qb has 1119 yards and 21 tds. Sports Illustrated* says "there isn't a better player in the country right now" as he takes the top spot in the heisman watch. *i'm not joking. it's really cool. although we'll have to watch and see if there is a cover jinx.
he is also player of the week for the ncaa - 2nd time in 3 weeks.
my defense leads the country in the following categories:
yards/game 33
rushing yds/game -7
points/game 1 (only a field goal through 3 games)
sacks 19
picks 8
red zone scoring 0%
Thursday, October 06, 2005
NCAA 2005 vol2
now for a ridiculous long rant about ps2 football. to really pretend
like this is senior year, cook something in a toaster oven and then
read this as if were talking while playing in our living room.
i got through the first season of my auburn dynasty. turns out they
had oklahoma beating usc in the championship. wrong result, but pretty
impressed that they managed to get the right teams winning. i wonder
if oklahama will suck in year 2. i bet not.
well with auburn i lost at lsu and tennessee and then lost my rivalry
game against bama. 3 losses kept me out of the conference championship
and a major bowl. but i did beat georgia tech in the chick-fil-a peach
bowl.
i think the game simulates other games with much longer quarters -
teams average about 500 yards on offense. so that kinda sucks. because
i had the #1 ranked defense and #109 offense. those aren't completely
false, but a little exaggerated. i did allow under 200 yards a game. i
also sucked at redzone - scored only 70% of the time. mostly because
my kicker was terrible and i had to learn the new kicking meter.
so then i started the offseason and they have a great recruiting
system, similar to fantasy, where you have recruiting points to spend
and you get to sell them on a feature of the program (you choose
prestige, playing time, location, etc.) except that i had no idea how
many points to spend on a guy vs. how many guys to go after.
i did end up getting a stellar qb. my freshman is better than every
other qb on the roster. the bummer was i only drafted 7 guys while
other schools were recruiting 20. also i had a kicker transfer so i
didn't recruit one. turns out he can't play his transfter year so i
have a punter doing kicks.
so after focusing on running with cadillac my first year, i thought i
would try and get my freshman qb the heisman. i had the option to add
a non-conf game so i set up auburn at illinois, week 1.
incredible game. my qb throws 6 tds, sneaks for another. auburn d
forces 6 turnovers. 4 picks, one where i jumped the route, tipped it,
caught it, took it to the house. also the fumbles aren't random
anymore - there is a big hit button (with the risk of missing them
completely) and my punt return has muffed a few.
in the redzone 8 times, 8 tds.
final 63-0.
i took out the starters late to protect against injury, but once i got
in the redzone i had to score to protect my redzone stats. so my
backup qb threw for a score. herbstreit said that i was just running
my offense, but corso digs into me saying there was no reason to throw
td passes with that kind of lead.
what about the polls man. got to impress the voters.
so yeah there you go. auburn 2006 1-0. i knew it would be long.
like this is senior year, cook something in a toaster oven and then
read this as if were talking while playing in our living room.
i got through the first season of my auburn dynasty. turns out they
had oklahoma beating usc in the championship. wrong result, but pretty
impressed that they managed to get the right teams winning. i wonder
if oklahama will suck in year 2. i bet not.
well with auburn i lost at lsu and tennessee and then lost my rivalry
game against bama. 3 losses kept me out of the conference championship
and a major bowl. but i did beat georgia tech in the chick-fil-a peach
bowl.
i think the game simulates other games with much longer quarters -
teams average about 500 yards on offense. so that kinda sucks. because
i had the #1 ranked defense and #109 offense. those aren't completely
false, but a little exaggerated. i did allow under 200 yards a game. i
also sucked at redzone - scored only 70% of the time. mostly because
my kicker was terrible and i had to learn the new kicking meter.
so then i started the offseason and they have a great recruiting
system, similar to fantasy, where you have recruiting points to spend
and you get to sell them on a feature of the program (you choose
prestige, playing time, location, etc.) except that i had no idea how
many points to spend on a guy vs. how many guys to go after.
i did end up getting a stellar qb. my freshman is better than every
other qb on the roster. the bummer was i only drafted 7 guys while
other schools were recruiting 20. also i had a kicker transfer so i
didn't recruit one. turns out he can't play his transfter year so i
have a punter doing kicks.
so after focusing on running with cadillac my first year, i thought i
would try and get my freshman qb the heisman. i had the option to add
a non-conf game so i set up auburn at illinois, week 1.
incredible game. my qb throws 6 tds, sneaks for another. auburn d
forces 6 turnovers. 4 picks, one where i jumped the route, tipped it,
caught it, took it to the house. also the fumbles aren't random
anymore - there is a big hit button (with the risk of missing them
completely) and my punt return has muffed a few.
in the redzone 8 times, 8 tds.
final 63-0.
i took out the starters late to protect against injury, but once i got
in the redzone i had to score to protect my redzone stats. so my
backup qb threw for a score. herbstreit said that i was just running
my offense, but corso digs into me saying there was no reason to throw
td passes with that kind of lead.
what about the polls man. got to impress the voters.
so yeah there you go. auburn 2006 1-0. i knew it would be long.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
NCAA 2005 vol1
I'll take a break from talking about fake nfl to talk about fake
college football. specifically my ps2 ncaa 2005 game. as ncaa 06 just
came out, i opted for last years version. mainly because it is only 10
bucks, but it also features the 05 class which i am more familiar with
because of the nfl draft. So i can play with cadillac williams, cedric
benson, jason white, alex smith, jon beutjer, derrick johnson, etc.
As for how they represent illinois...the first thing i noticed is
there is no I at the 50-yard line. there's nothing. just 100 yards of
green grass. but then i started noticing all the good things. the
endzones are accurate (more than dreamcast 2k2 could say) and they
have the updated scoreboard with the 4 pictures surrounding it. here's
the kicker...it asks you for your favorite team - so the main menu is
orange and blue and plays the war chant. pretty cool.
college football. specifically my ps2 ncaa 2005 game. as ncaa 06 just
came out, i opted for last years version. mainly because it is only 10
bucks, but it also features the 05 class which i am more familiar with
because of the nfl draft. So i can play with cadillac williams, cedric
benson, jason white, alex smith, jon beutjer, derrick johnson, etc.
As for how they represent illinois...the first thing i noticed is
there is no I at the 50-yard line. there's nothing. just 100 yards of
green grass. but then i started noticing all the good things. the
endzones are accurate (more than dreamcast 2k2 could say) and they
have the updated scoreboard with the 4 pictures surrounding it. here's
the kicker...it asks you for your favorite team - so the main menu is
orange and blue and plays the war chant. pretty cool.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
NFL goes international
i don't really like it. but i can understand why they did it.
arizona average 37,000 fans. where the chiefs sell out at 78,000. they
are anticipating upwards of 80,000 mexicans in a 100,000 seat stadium.
but i would be pissed if they took a home game and the homefield
advantage away from my team. and i would be against teams traveling
farther than usual (ie europe)
arizona average 37,000 fans. where the chiefs sell out at 78,000. they
are anticipating upwards of 80,000 mexicans in a 100,000 seat stadium.
but i would be pissed if they took a home game and the homefield
advantage away from my team. and i would be against teams traveling
farther than usual (ie europe)
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Retractable Field
Retractable Roof - OK. Retractable Field - Whaa???
The Arizona Cardinals are getting a new stadium for 06. When completed,
the field will weigh nearly 121⁄2 million pounds and will roll in and
out of the stadium on specialized tracks. The natural turf will grow
in a series of trays filled with a foot of growing mixture. It will
remain outside the stadium where it can receive sunlight and water
until it is needed for a football game. Then a series of one
horsepower motors will move the field along the tracks into the
stadium.
Seems like a lot of work to get grass to grow in a dome.
The Arizona Cardinals are getting a new stadium for 06. When completed,
the field will weigh nearly 121⁄2 million pounds and will roll in and
out of the stadium on specialized tracks. The natural turf will grow
in a series of trays filled with a foot of growing mixture. It will
remain outside the stadium where it can receive sunlight and water
until it is needed for a football game. Then a series of one
horsepower motors will move the field along the tracks into the
stadium.
Seems like a lot of work to get grass to grow in a dome.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Monday Night Debacle
From the very first drive where the Chiefs got into Denver territory
but punted from the 35, only to get a touchback. I mean an
interception might have pinned them deeper. From that drive I knew it
was going to be a bad game. But I didn't think it would be that bad.
Really I think it's unfair that they have home games a mile above sea
level. Lesson: bet against the broncos on the road, bet on the broncos
at home. Greatest W/L home-away disparity in the league.
but punted from the 35, only to get a touchback. I mean an
interception might have pinned them deeper. From that drive I knew it
was going to be a bad game. But I didn't think it would be that bad.
Really I think it's unfair that they have home games a mile above sea
level. Lesson: bet against the broncos on the road, bet on the broncos
at home. Greatest W/L home-away disparity in the league.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Fantasy Draft League
Hoagies vs Badass Birds, week 3
When I saw that my WR's got outscored 28 - 4, I knew I had lost again. That would bring my record to a miserable 1-2. I was down 32 points. And I still had Ladainian Tomlinson going in the Sunday night game, but he had Shockey. I started watching the game, but as soon as Shockey started catching some long passes I gave up even the slightest hope.
I was even rooting for the Giant to beat the Chargers, the 2004 afc west champs.
So I turned on the game in the 4th quarter. And I saw a LT rushing touchdown, so I figured at least he was making respectable. That put the chargers up 42 to 23. They said that was his 4th touchdown of the night. So I thought that I would see how close he had come.
When I needed LT to outscore Shockey by 32, he had already put up 38! But Shockey had put up 100 yards so I was still losing: Hoagies 111, Badass Birds 115.
But now the Giants are passing big to try and come back and I am sure Schockey is going to put it away. But wait..Giants WR fumbles. Now the Chargers have 6 minutes to run out the clock. But up 19, can LT get 40 yards? Or another TD? On the first play from his own 10, LT runs a sweep to the outside, I'm screaming at the tv, rooting for a division rival, as LT goes s20, 30....40 yards! Keeps going, 70 yard run. That puts me ahead - for the moment. LT comes out of the game for the last time and San Diego gets a field goal. But there are still 4 minutes for Shockey to tie it up with 20 yards.
The Chargers D comes up huge and forces a garbage time punt. Unbelievable. Best Comeback Ever. LT finishes with a whopping 44 point game.
Final 117 - 111.
When I saw that my WR's got outscored 28 - 4, I knew I had lost again. That would bring my record to a miserable 1-2. I was down 32 points. And I still had Ladainian Tomlinson going in the Sunday night game, but he had Shockey. I started watching the game, but as soon as Shockey started catching some long passes I gave up even the slightest hope.
I was even rooting for the Giant to beat the Chargers, the 2004 afc west champs.
So I turned on the game in the 4th quarter. And I saw a LT rushing touchdown, so I figured at least he was making respectable. That put the chargers up 42 to 23. They said that was his 4th touchdown of the night. So I thought that I would see how close he had come.
When I needed LT to outscore Shockey by 32, he had already put up 38! But Shockey had put up 100 yards so I was still losing: Hoagies 111, Badass Birds 115.
But now the Giants are passing big to try and come back and I am sure Schockey is going to put it away. But wait..Giants WR fumbles. Now the Chargers have 6 minutes to run out the clock. But up 19, can LT get 40 yards? Or another TD? On the first play from his own 10, LT runs a sweep to the outside, I'm screaming at the tv, rooting for a division rival, as LT goes s20, 30....40 yards! Keeps going, 70 yard run. That puts me ahead - for the moment. LT comes out of the game for the last time and San Diego gets a field goal. But there are still 4 minutes for Shockey to tie it up with 20 yards.
The Chargers D comes up huge and forces a garbage time punt. Unbelievable. Best Comeback Ever. LT finishes with a whopping 44 point game.
Final 117 - 111.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
NFL Week 2
for those of you who missed it, the bears beat up the lions so bad, that even though harrington doesn't even have a backup (due to garcia's preseason broken leg) they still took joey out.
and the chiefs held on to beat the raiders 23 to 17 on the road in a primetime affair. the chiefs had the ball on their own 25 with 5 minutes to go, 3rd and 7. green rifles it to samie "who's that?" parker for 20 yards, and i shouted "yes" and "hold on to it". of course he immediately got the ball punched out at the 50. it was their only turnover of the game. so the chiefs went from almost being able to run out the clock to trying to hold the raiders and randy to no touchdowns on a 50-yard field.
needless to say, i was panicked and sulking, after randy had caught 5 of the 7 balls thrown his way (and one that didn't count because of a phantom offensive pass interference call in the endzone - and it was awesome to hear norv "my brother is ron" turner whining about the call at halftime).
it came down to the 2 minute warning with a 3rd and 6 from the kc 10. a blitzer got a finger on the ball to knock it down. 4th and 6. ball thrown to porter in the endzone, who has a step on his receiver, but can't bring it down. chiefs win.
amazingly, they never throw the ball to randy on the final series. i mean sure kc was covering him, but they were doing that all game, he is just that good.
also in the late 3rd, with the score 17 to 17, the chiefs had 1st and goal from the 9. 2 holding penalties later, and it was 1st and goal from the 29. i'm surprised tynes could even salvage 3 points out of that.
also, burnsy and i got some soft cheddar cheese and grilled some awesome burgers for lunch, but i never had one for dinner, because i filled up on the cheese and crackers.
For those of you who had week 2 in the "How long before someone gets
twice as many points as Burnsy" Pool, you win!
Week 2:
1 I Miss Burgers and Football 98
2 Hoagies 91
3 SalukiDawg 84
4 burnsy 49
It's a long season guys.
At least 3 of us are still in contention.
and the chiefs held on to beat the raiders 23 to 17 on the road in a primetime affair. the chiefs had the ball on their own 25 with 5 minutes to go, 3rd and 7. green rifles it to samie "who's that?" parker for 20 yards, and i shouted "yes" and "hold on to it". of course he immediately got the ball punched out at the 50. it was their only turnover of the game. so the chiefs went from almost being able to run out the clock to trying to hold the raiders and randy to no touchdowns on a 50-yard field.
needless to say, i was panicked and sulking, after randy had caught 5 of the 7 balls thrown his way (and one that didn't count because of a phantom offensive pass interference call in the endzone - and it was awesome to hear norv "my brother is ron" turner whining about the call at halftime).
it came down to the 2 minute warning with a 3rd and 6 from the kc 10. a blitzer got a finger on the ball to knock it down. 4th and 6. ball thrown to porter in the endzone, who has a step on his receiver, but can't bring it down. chiefs win.
amazingly, they never throw the ball to randy on the final series. i mean sure kc was covering him, but they were doing that all game, he is just that good.
also in the late 3rd, with the score 17 to 17, the chiefs had 1st and goal from the 9. 2 holding penalties later, and it was 1st and goal from the 29. i'm surprised tynes could even salvage 3 points out of that.
also, burnsy and i got some soft cheddar cheese and grilled some awesome burgers for lunch, but i never had one for dinner, because i filled up on the cheese and crackers.
For those of you who had week 2 in the "How long before someone gets
twice as many points as Burnsy" Pool, you win!
Week 2:
1 I Miss Burgers and Football 98
2 Hoagies 91
3 SalukiDawg 84
4 burnsy 49
It's a long season guys.
At least 3 of us are still in contention.
Friday, September 16, 2005
the worst game ever played
houston at utep
just before halftime it is 5 to 9.
at one point it was 5 to 3.
1st half stats:
14 points
16 penalties
8 turnovers
17 posessions
Including:
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Entourage Quotes
Ari Gold: Call me Helen Keller because I'm a fucking miracle worker!
Ari Gold: [pulling envelope out of drawer] In this envelope, there are
the names of eight agents. If anyone catches you, eat it. Nod if you
understand me.
Lloyd: I understand.
Ari Gold: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd... I want you to... to
swear your undying loyalty to me.
Lloyd: Ari...
Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business
or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.
Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you, Ari.
Ari Gold: Good. Now, I want you to go to each of these agents –
discreetly - and say the words "tse-tse fly". Say nothing else. Now
go.
Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency -
Ari Gold: *Silence* is fucking golden, Lloyd. Go.
Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders,
binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an
executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack
that bitch! Chop suey!
Bob Saget: Yeah, come over any time. But hey, don't fuck my
daughters... Don't you fuck 'em... I'm just fuckin with ya, man.
Ari Gold: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the
mailroom, offered to blow me. True story.
Ari Gold: You all know who's been running this company for the past
eight years. And you all know that when I go, in no time you will be
repping nobodys like Bill from "The Apprentice." No one needs to make
a decision right now. I will be starting my own agency. Two very
important goals will apply-- to make everyone who is in at the ground
floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground! Lloyd,
are you with me?
Ari Gold: [Lloyd remains silent. Ari approaches him.] Lloyd, what are
you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on, let's go.
Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything
offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari Gold: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Lloyd. It's a company car. Mr. McQuewick
said I can't give it to him.
Ari Gold: Can't give it to me? Ernesto, how many fucking pesos did I
give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past
decade? Half of Mexico is eating on my tips that I have given you. Now
bring my motherfucking car now, por favor!
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can't do it. Oh, and Mr. Gold.
I'm from Guatemala, and our currency is the Quetzal.
Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take
in the ass for an Oscar.
Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.
Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not
even Hispanic.
Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar
pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Ari Gold: All right, well when you talk to Dana, tell her I still have
the pictures from Cancun. Tell her I'm going to start a website. Tell
her it's going to be called i'm a hollywood whore dot com. There will
be no registration or credit card required. Tell her I'm going to take
out a full page ad in the LA Times promoting it. Tell her I want a
fucking call back.
Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills,
and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a
country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then
I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a
motherfucking Wednesday.
Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric] There better be
a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric.
Eric: No, Ari, it's a fucking iceberg.
Ari Gold: What are you talking about?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Bullshit. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: Josh Weinstein, asshole. Now, why don't you get your hand off
your dick and go call somebody.
Ari Gold: Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here?
[Ari storms into the room]
Ari Gold: James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"?
Surprised Kid: That's great, that's awesome!
Ari Gold: That's "awesome", huh? You didn't think to bring it up in
the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking
sticky-something?
Surprised Kid: I...I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.
Ari Gold: Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What
the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you
can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
Surprised Kid: I... I didn't think...
Ari Gold: Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything,
know why? Cause you can pick up all your stuff, cause you're
mother-fucking fired!
[Ari storms out]
CAA Assistant: What happened?
Surprised Kid: I don't know. I came in to drop off Peter's mail and
Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over!
Ari's Wife: What's in the bag?
Ari Gold: A kilo of blow. What's with all the questions?
Ari Gold: Tsetse fly.
Here are even more Entourage Quotes, primarily from season three.
Ari Gold: [pulling envelope out of drawer] In this envelope, there are
the names of eight agents. If anyone catches you, eat it. Nod if you
understand me.
Lloyd: I understand.
Ari Gold: You can't just fucking nod? Lloyd... I want you to... to
swear your undying loyalty to me.
Lloyd: Ari...
Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business
or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.
Lloyd: I pledge my undying loyalty to you, Ari.
Ari Gold: Good. Now, I want you to go to each of these agents –
discreetly - and say the words "tse-tse fly". Say nothing else. Now
go.
Lloyd: Ari, are you leaving the agency -
Ari Gold: *Silence* is fucking golden, Lloyd. Go.
Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders,
binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an
executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack
that bitch! Chop suey!
Bob Saget: Yeah, come over any time. But hey, don't fuck my
daughters... Don't you fuck 'em... I'm just fuckin with ya, man.
Ari Gold: Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the
mailroom, offered to blow me. True story.
Ari Gold: You all know who's been running this company for the past
eight years. And you all know that when I go, in no time you will be
repping nobodys like Bill from "The Apprentice." No one needs to make
a decision right now. I will be starting my own agency. Two very
important goals will apply-- to make everyone who is in at the ground
floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground! Lloyd,
are you with me?
Ari Gold: [Lloyd remains silent. Ari approaches him.] Lloyd, what are
you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on, let's go.
Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything
offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari Gold: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Lloyd. It's a company car. Mr. McQuewick
said I can't give it to him.
Ari Gold: Can't give it to me? Ernesto, how many fucking pesos did I
give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas for the past
decade? Half of Mexico is eating on my tips that I have given you. Now
bring my motherfucking car now, por favor!
Ernesto: [intercom] Sorry, Mr. Gold, I can't do it. Oh, and Mr. Gold.
I'm from Guatemala, and our currency is the Quetzal.
Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take
in the ass for an Oscar.
Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.
Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not
even Hispanic.
Ari Gold: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar
pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Ari Gold: All right, well when you talk to Dana, tell her I still have
the pictures from Cancun. Tell her I'm going to start a website. Tell
her it's going to be called i'm a hollywood whore dot com. There will
be no registration or credit card required. Tell her I'm going to take
out a full page ad in the LA Times promoting it. Tell her I want a
fucking call back.
Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills,
and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a
country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then
I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a
motherfucking Wednesday.
Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric] There better be
a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric.
Eric: No, Ari, it's a fucking iceberg.
Ari Gold: What are you talking about?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Bullshit. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: Josh Weinstein, asshole. Now, why don't you get your hand off
your dick and go call somebody.
Ari Gold: Where the fuck is Peter Cole's office? Right here?
[Ari storms into the room]
Ari Gold: James Cameron is directing "Aquaman"?
Surprised Kid: That's great, that's awesome!
Ari Gold: That's "awesome", huh? You didn't think to bring it up in
the fucking staff meeting? An e-mail? A yellow fucking
sticky-something?
Surprised Kid: I...I didn't know I was supposed to know that kind of stuff.
Ari Gold: Well, what is it you're supposed to know, do you think? What
the fuck do we pay you for? To get your agency card laminated so you
can go to Shelter and try to fuck Mischa Barton?
Surprised Kid: I... I didn't think...
Ari Gold: Let me tell you something. You don't have to say anything,
know why? Cause you can pick up all your stuff, cause you're
mother-fucking fired!
[Ari storms out]
CAA Assistant: What happened?
Surprised Kid: I don't know. I came in to drop off Peter's mail and
Mr. Gold fired me. My life is over!
Ari's Wife: What's in the bag?
Ari Gold: A kilo of blow. What's with all the questions?
Ari Gold: Tsetse fly.
Here are even more Entourage Quotes, primarily from season three.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Footblogger
well I survived the first day of fantasy, er – flag football. here's a running commentary:
5:50 I set my goals for the game: 1 interception and 1 touchdown.
6:00 game starts in 30 minutes, I arrive on the field. I'm trying to find my teammates, unsure if anyone has arrived yet. there are a bunch of guys wearing white shirts like we are supposed to. I ask a couple guys what team they are on…of course since they are on teams with their friends they know that I'm an idiot
6:10 I meet the first guy on my team. he's a little bigger than me
6:15 some more guys trickle in. they're older and bigger than me
6:25 we start running practice plays. a guy blows by me. they are faster and older and bigger than me.
6:30 there are 3 guys wearing running shoes who don't look that great. there are 7 players that look good and they are wearing football cleats. I am wearing running shoes
6:35 since we have 10 players for our 7 on 7 game, there needs to be 3 subs. I immediately walk to the sideline
6:37: the opposing team only has 6 players present. not only will they not have any subs, but it will be 7 on 6.
Game Begins: our team starts on offense. they drive the field. I get in the game when it is 2nd and goal. I proceed to get open 3 times in the endzone and not get the ball thrown to me. Turnover on downs
I stay in on D and we get a 3 and out. I come out for the punt return.
We drive again and score a touchdown on a jump ball to our tall guy. I come in for the extra point conversion (no kicking in this game) proceed to get open in the endzone and not get the ball thrown to me. Us 6, Them 0.
The first half progresses with little excitement. I play a little but not much happens.
Halftime: Even though I haven't exerted myself, I figure I brought some damn Gatorade, I'm going to drink it.
We begin the 2nd half on defense. I read a QB sweep and get in position. I go for his flags and he runs right by me, past another teammate and takes it to the house. Us 6, Them 6.
While setting up for the conversion, the ref calls the play back for illegal flags. Apparently, he lost a flag way back at the line. Us 6, Them 0.
I think at this point we exchange series w/o anything happening.
Middle 2nd half: I am lined up on a man, but read that the QB is on the run and won't make a good throw. I release off my man and cover short zone. He throws it right to me. Having not touched the ball all game I go out and grab it and get a nice return. Interception.
After getting good field position we blow it with stupid penalties (false start and delay of game). The frustrating part was that after a penalty we would go back to call a new play. Why couldn't we run the same one we were ready for? I proceed to get open 2 times in the endzone and not get the ball thrown to me.
I am in on the offense line to block (there is an immediate rush) and someone pancakes me. Flat on my back.
We have to punt and now they have the ball with only 2 minutes remaining.
I think they ran a screen pass and I am in good position on the runner. But knowing how hard it is to grab a flag on a fast, huge guy, I try to just get in his way, maybe get a flag, maybe knock him out of bounds. I end up jarring the ball loose as he goes past me. (This is the same as a tackle as fumbles are retained by the offense when the ball touches the ground).
Unfortunately, he had a man trailing him and he was able to catch the ball before he hits the ground and he scores with a minute left. Tied at 6.
I come out for the conversion attempt, mostly because I don't want to be blamed for losing the game. They over throw and we get the ball back.
Amazingly, we were able to get a huge pass and answer right back with a touchdown. Needless to say they didn't throw the ball to me. We don't get the conversion and hope that doesn't hurt us. Us 12, Them 6.
They have 30 seconds, but go 4 and out. I stay off the field so I can't get blamed for losing the game.
Final Stats:
0 recepts
0 thrown to
0 rushes
0 yards
1 interception
0 tackles
1 bad pancake
0 penalties
10 times wide open
1 win
A W is a W.
5:50 I set my goals for the game: 1 interception and 1 touchdown.
6:00 game starts in 30 minutes, I arrive on the field. I'm trying to find my teammates, unsure if anyone has arrived yet. there are a bunch of guys wearing white shirts like we are supposed to. I ask a couple guys what team they are on…of course since they are on teams with their friends they know that I'm an idiot
6:10 I meet the first guy on my team. he's a little bigger than me
6:15 some more guys trickle in. they're older and bigger than me
6:25 we start running practice plays. a guy blows by me. they are faster and older and bigger than me.
6:30 there are 3 guys wearing running shoes who don't look that great. there are 7 players that look good and they are wearing football cleats. I am wearing running shoes
6:35 since we have 10 players for our 7 on 7 game, there needs to be 3 subs. I immediately walk to the sideline
6:37: the opposing team only has 6 players present. not only will they not have any subs, but it will be 7 on 6.
Game Begins: our team starts on offense. they drive the field. I get in the game when it is 2nd and goal. I proceed to get open 3 times in the endzone and not get the ball thrown to me. Turnover on downs
I stay in on D and we get a 3 and out. I come out for the punt return.
We drive again and score a touchdown on a jump ball to our tall guy. I come in for the extra point conversion (no kicking in this game) proceed to get open in the endzone and not get the ball thrown to me. Us 6, Them 0.
The first half progresses with little excitement. I play a little but not much happens.
Halftime: Even though I haven't exerted myself, I figure I brought some damn Gatorade, I'm going to drink it.
We begin the 2nd half on defense. I read a QB sweep and get in position. I go for his flags and he runs right by me, past another teammate and takes it to the house. Us 6, Them 6.
While setting up for the conversion, the ref calls the play back for illegal flags. Apparently, he lost a flag way back at the line. Us 6, Them 0.
I think at this point we exchange series w/o anything happening.
Middle 2nd half: I am lined up on a man, but read that the QB is on the run and won't make a good throw. I release off my man and cover short zone. He throws it right to me. Having not touched the ball all game I go out and grab it and get a nice return. Interception.
After getting good field position we blow it with stupid penalties (false start and delay of game). The frustrating part was that after a penalty we would go back to call a new play. Why couldn't we run the same one we were ready for? I proceed to get open 2 times in the endzone and not get the ball thrown to me.
I am in on the offense line to block (there is an immediate rush) and someone pancakes me. Flat on my back.
We have to punt and now they have the ball with only 2 minutes remaining.
I think they ran a screen pass and I am in good position on the runner. But knowing how hard it is to grab a flag on a fast, huge guy, I try to just get in his way, maybe get a flag, maybe knock him out of bounds. I end up jarring the ball loose as he goes past me. (This is the same as a tackle as fumbles are retained by the offense when the ball touches the ground).
Unfortunately, he had a man trailing him and he was able to catch the ball before he hits the ground and he scores with a minute left. Tied at 6.
I come out for the conversion attempt, mostly because I don't want to be blamed for losing the game. They over throw and we get the ball back.
Amazingly, we were able to get a huge pass and answer right back with a touchdown. Needless to say they didn't throw the ball to me. We don't get the conversion and hope that doesn't hurt us. Us 12, Them 6.
They have 30 seconds, but go 4 and out. I stay off the field so I can't get blamed for losing the game.
Final Stats:
0 recepts
0 thrown to
0 rushes
0 yards
1 interception
0 tackles
1 bad pancake
0 penalties
10 times wide open
1 win
A W is a W.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
NFL 2005 Predictions
save this for january
afc east - new england
afc north - baltimore
afc south - indy
afc west - kc
wc - new york
wc - pitt
nfc east - phil
nfc north - minn
nfc south - carolina
nfc west - stl
wc - atlanta
wc - dallas
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)