Why I'm in this Mess

It's no secret that I derive great pleasure from food. This very site is named after a sandwich, for example. But as I'm on day 32 of eating healthy to lose weight (for the 100th time) and I'm thinking about how much focus and planning and willpower it takes to lose weight, I'm reflecting upon how I got here in the first place.

Because when I'm not eating to lose weight, I invariably, inevitably gain weight. I don't have a sense of how to eat to maintain. If I'm not focused on losing, I just eat for pleasure. Here are some examples, with calories in parentheses.

On a work day I would start with a clif bar (250), then be starving by lunch and have the Raising Cane's Box, sub coleslaw for toast, extra sauce (1700), but then be super hungry by dinner again. Perhaps Jimmy Johns for a #9 (950), chips (300) and cookie (400). That might be enough, or I might mindlessly eat goldfish or cereal later at night(200).

That's a 3800 calorie day without even trying to go crazy.

Maybe on a Saturday, I might wake up and have a protein bar (210) and then go to Chick-fil-A for lunch. #1 with fries and two sauces (1100).  Might even go to a movie and get cookie dough bites (400). Then could get a Dominos pizza. A medium slice of pepperoni and sausage is 250, but I'll probably have 6. (1500)

That's a 3200 calorie day that sounded even worse.

These examples have a lot of eating out, but unless I'm trying to, I eat just as poorly at home. I can buy cookies, go through most of a bag of tortilla chips in a day, grab handfuls of m&ms at work, or when I'm trying to focus on work late at night, pick up some candy bars & chips.

The idea that I average 3500 calories a day when "eating normally" is both totally realistic and totally insane.

At the moment I'm sticking to 1800 calories a day, and some days it's not very hard, and some days it just feels like I need one more clif bar or breakfast burrito at the end of the day, like if I had room for 250 more calories I'd feel satisfied. Which makes sense. I should be eating 2000-2200 calories a day probably. But I don't. For 12 years I've told myself that one day I will get to my goal weight and start eating a 2000 calorie maintenance diet. That day has never come.

I now accept that I'm either doomed to repeat this cycle of gaining and losing weight for my entire life, or I will have to grow up and "stay focused on eating healthy" for my entire life. It was actually eye-opening and inspiring to hear that Niraj tries to eat healthy meals 2/3 of the time, specifically lots of salads for lunch. These are not the meals that get shared or talked about. (Akin to the problems with Facebook and Instagram, where people only see other people at concerts, sports, vacation and think that everyone else is having so much fun.) The reality is if you can have the bacon cheeseburger once a week if you eat healthy the rest of the time.

Basically, I need to stick to entering my food in the app, hitting a daily calorie goal, and weighing myself once a week in order to not gain all the weight back. There is no letting up once I reach my goal weight.

food journal

Here all the months that I've logged at least one day in my food journal, which I only do when I'm trying to lose weight. 

Tracking My Weight Over 7 Years

The red line is the dividing line between a "normal" BMI and an overweight BMI, according to my height.

I'm almost surprised at how long I stayed under 180, which was my wedding weight--which is sort of the dividing line between I look okay, or I look kind of chunky.

In 2009 I made a few efforts to lose weight and you see two sharp down lines, but couldn't keep below 170 for any length of time.

I had assumed that I had really started to put on weight when we moved to Denver and H was born back in late 2011. But according to my records, that's not true. I actually weighed less in April 2012 then I did in April 2011. But once we started looking for a house, doing house improvements and pregnancy #2 arrived, I really packed it on.

In fact, you can see that I gained weight during both pregnancies, although quite a bit more during the second one.

Although this chart makes assumptions. Let's look at the raw data:

The first chart is fairly accurate through 2009 because I didn't go too long without weighing myself and tracking it somewhere. But from November 2009 to October 2012 there are four straight lines, that assume I was gaining and losing at a steady pace. Particularly, it assumes from April 2011 to April 2012, I started losing weight right away. It's likely those parts should have some flatter sections and some steeper sections.

Anyways, I'm optimistic that 2013 will be the biggest downward line yet, matching 2007.

healthy food master list

Back on the train. (Healthy train.)

One tool that is super helpful is Livestrong.com's food diary.  You just type in what you ate and it has a database of all the calorie info. I've set a daily target of 1700 calories and each day I add it up and make sure that I'm staying on track.

Of course, knowing what to eat is the first step. So for future reference, here's a master list of healthy options:

Fresh lean burgers with jalapeno salsa and roasted asparagus

Trader's Orange Chicken with added vegetables

Green Chile chicken tacos

Turkey hot dogs

lean pockets

roasted potatoes with peppers and onions

mashed potatoes/baked

homemade chicken salad with apples and craisins

broccoli slaw with vinegerette

optimum slim with almond breeze

trader's mutligrain o's

homemade soft pretzels

dried mango slices

arby's regular size beef and cheddar

chick-fil-a sandwich with buffalo sauce

chocolate pudding cups

microwave popcorn

kettle corn

food makes me happy

My weight will probably always fluctuate. I know how to lose weight. I should be able to maintain a weight, but that doesn't seem to happen. And I definitely know how to gain weight.

I'm currently in a cycle of between 165 and 180. My "goal" or "ideal" weight is between 155 and 160. But at 165, I'm pretty happy with how my clothes fit. At 180, my clothes get tight, and that's when I realize I need to get back on the losing weight train.

That happened, most recently, two weeks ago. Today the scale said 176. (According to the BMI for my height, the threshold between normal weight and overweight is 169.)

So if I enjoy having a healthy weight around 160, and I know how to eat healthy and exercise enough to lose a pound or two per week, why does my weight fluctuate? In other words, why once I get down to 160, why do I gain the weight back?

Obviously, I'm not the only person in America who do this. Gaining the weight back is cliche. But why do I do it?

I'll start from a logical, healthy perspective. Let's say I ate a bag of chips and some cookies last weekend...that's not doing anything for me. That pleasure is so fleeting that's it's gone. As opposed to watching Inception, that pleasure is something you can remember and look back fondly.

So if you add this up, you could conclude that food doesn't really make anyone happy.

But here's the thing. Food makes me happy.

Just a month ago, I would wake up on Thursdays and be happy that I was going to get biscuits and gravy. For the Chiefs-Chargers MNF game, I was setting up my menu a week in advance. I had fun in the store picking out my frozen pizza and cheez-its. And when I got to Niraj's and I opened the box of cheese crackers, it really made me happy.

It seems that for most of my work colleagues, alcohol makes them happy. People love having those meetings on Friday afternoons where there's beer. But that doesn't do much for me. At those meetings, I'm headed straight toward the bowls of chex mix.

When we take a trip, the first and maybe only thing I'll research, is the best places to eat.

When I would have a glass of chocolate milk, the act of drinking would only last for 6 seconds. But it really made me feel good.

Of course, two minutes later, the taste is gone. I feel fuller, but I could have gotten fuller eating brown rice and broccoli.

I've written here before:

The goal cannot be getting out of debt. The goal has to be saving money.
Just as the goal cannot be losing weight. The goal has to be eating healthy.

At the time, I thought that I had conquered that part of me that craved unhealthy foods. But four months and forty pounds wasn't enough to do it. And four years later, my idea of a fun time is still a pizza or a italian beef & sausage.

The way I lose weight is being consistent, "on the train." But once Thanksgiving rolls around, it's easy to eat pecan pie for a week and then be consistently unhealthy.

I don't have the final answer, a neat conclusion that this all adds up to. Unhealthy food will probably always make me happy. I'll just have to balance it with healthy food, that can also make me happy, just not as much.

tracking my weight over 3 years

To the best of my notes, here is my weight tracked since I got married. (I think throughout college I hovered around 180. I don't have any actual data, but I don't think that it would be that interesting. In this chart you can see that I've marked the actual data points and the lines in between are just linear connections. Any long lines without points could very will be missing wild fluctuations.


Interestingly, the biggest peak and valley came within four months in 2007, from the start of foodasfuel 1.0 to the end of it. And then I allegedly tried over the next year and a half to lose weight, but it didn't really take until 2009. So I'm calling that period foodasfuel 2.0 (for real). That one took place after our trip to Italy, and the first one happened after our trip to Paris.

It's actually not as bad as I guessed, I never got back over 180, so for the last 2.5 years I've weighed less than I did at my wedding. Obviously, I'd like to stay long-term around 155, but that's easier said than done.

the best frozen burgers

Stockman & Dakota, six ounce premium angus beef burgers. I already went through a box of the blue cheese burgers, so they're not pictured. I haven't had the sweet onion yet, I did buy those because the calories I believe are around 380--Jalapeno & Cheddar is 450, and Bacon & Cheddar is 480, I think.

Thick, juicy, and they turn out great on the Foreman, forming a nice crust on top and bottom.

foodasfuel™ serving suggestion: You don't need any bread or bun to enjoy this burger. For last Sunday's game vs Jaguars, I made this Jalapeno & Cheddar burger, complete with fresh cilantro shavings and a tequila lime salsa. You can see the cheddar bursting out of it. Talk about a flavor explosion. And talk about plating!

(Click for burger in HD!)

11.11.09

Haven't checked-in in a while. As you can see my weight has been up and down. I was good from May 5th (after the release of Autopilot) to mid-July (when we got the keys to our Oak Park townhouse.) Between moving and grabbing fast food, trying new restaurants (and ice cream shoppes), and the start of football season, I gained a lot of weight fairly quickly.

However, ever since Brittany went to Hypnotherapy training I've been back on the train. She's been eating better, I've received some hypnotherapy sessions to work on some of my food issues, and I've gotten back into enjoying cooking, a hobby that fell off in the hustle of moving/adjustment period.

For chart nerds, you can see that when I'm losing weight, I record my weight often, resulting in more data points for a smoother, more accurate chart. When I'm gaining, I don't weight or write it down, resulting in long periods of straight lines. I do know I was 167.5 on 9/1 and 174 on 10/15 and it's hard to say at what rate I gained it.

It feels good to be classified by the U.S. Gov't as normal, and not overweight.

So in an effort to do something positive for the future me, here are some healthy meals that I've been enjoying lately:

• Probably the healthiest meal that is still delicious is Chicken Fajitas. Lean chicken (I use Trader Joe's frozen breasts cooked on Foreman), small wheat tortillas (Mission makes 80 calorie ones that are really good, and salsa.
• Also with chicken and salsa, instead of a tortilla, you could use cilantro-lime-rice.
• I love Trader Joe's Kansas City BBQ sauce and that on grilled chicken, or even the prepacked tubs of pulled pork is still pretty healthy. I saw a mention of BBQ pork quesadillas, so I think I'll try serving some pulled pork on a Mission tortilla (although it's good enough just to eat by itself on a plate).
• I'm still on an Italian sausage kick, and cooking two on Foreman is easy and delicious.
• I love my homemade pasta sauce, and I've gotten back into Angel Hair. My favorite brand of pasta is Barilla, and they have a good 51% whole wheat variety that doesn't taste wheaty. Earlier this week I made a delicious no-prep chicken parmesan: 1 chicken patty topped with sauce, crushed red pepper and parmesan-romano, served with a side of angel hair. Mmmm.
• I still love Moroccan chicken (I made some last week without almonds, but with craisins and pine nut couscous. The almonds/pine nuts are key for that satisfying crunch.
• I haven't made any spicy-sweet paninis lately, just because I haven't seen any roasting chickens on sale, but I really should. Those sandwiches are so good.
• I've been making sweet potatoes in the microwave, with some brown sugar. Tastes like fall.
• I love the Trader Joe's cooked turkey breast. I just bought a BBQ pork roast, some pork carnitas for my tortillas, and I should try their rotisserie chicken.
  

(Overweight line determined at BMI of 25.0 for my height of 5' 8.5")

fast food as fuel

After Autopilot came out I was able to focus on myself again, and get back on food as fuel™. It feels good, but it does take constant mental focus. I've got gum at my desk and I'm drinking a lot of water. Since I declared my love for Propel, they've come out with other low-calorie powder packets. I've enjoyed Snapple and Ocean Spray at only 5 calories per serving.

But this weekend we'll be on the road a lot for Mrs. Hoagie Central's Masters graduation in Champaign. So I thought it would be a good time to review the healthy options at fast food places.

Subway
Club (ham, roast beef, turkey) on white, no mayo, provolone or pepperjack, with fat free honey mustard or sweet onion sauce = 400 calories.

McDonald's
McChicken (360 cals) and McDouble (390 cals) are both on the $1 menu. The Southern Chicken sandwich is also only 400 calories. Avoid the fries, cookies, and shakes at all cost.

KFC
Their grilled chicken is great (breast = 180 cals, drumstick = 70) but the sides are dangerous. The biscuit has as many calories as a chicken breast so skip those. For sides, choose two from green beans (25), corn (70) or potatoes w/o gravy (100).

Wendy's
They now have three sandwiches for a dollar and all three aren't bad: Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger (310) and Double Stack or Crispy Chicken (360).

Burger King
This is a little tougher. But hold the mayo and you can get a Jr. Whopper or Spicy Chicken for 290 calories.

Jimmy John's
I thought this might be off limits. But you can still go there, you just need to hold all the good stuff. A #5 with no mayo, cheese and vinaigrette is 420 calories. A #6 for the wife with no mayo is 413 cals.

Potbelly
Same scenario as Jimmy John's. A Roast beef with no cheese, mustard instead of mayo, seasoning instead of hot peppers is 375. For the wife, a veggie with only american cheese and no mayo is 355.

General rules: mayo and cheese has about 100 calories each, so either substitute or hold them. Never get the fries. Never get real soda. But you can still get a sandwich for about 400 calories.

running farther than ever before

My previous longest distance run was 5k. I did that for the first time back on 5.15.07. Since then I've run for 5k four more times. Well last night I set a new personal best distance of 3.5 miles. It was on a treadmill at an even pace of 5mph so it took 42 minutes. But the plan isn't to stop there.

I'm official training for the Soldier Field 10 mile Race on 5.23.09. I've never run any official races so this is quite the goal. Part of me doesn't want to pay the registration fee yet because I'm not convinced I can do this. But I really want to do this. I'll keep you posted.

longer runs:
4.1.09 -- 3.5 miles -- 42:00

5k times:
10.6.08 -- 37:55
2.12.08 -- 36:46
6.24.07 -- 34:15
6.3.07 -- 36:55
5.15.07 -- 37:15

HOW TO: make moroccan chicken

Back by popular demand! So I figured what good is it to show you how to roast a chicken, if you don't know what to do with it after that.

Here's what happened: Brittany made a Moroccan stew, which called for some cinnamon. We already use cinnamon sugar, but have been buying it pre-mixed. So I bought some cinnamon and used a pinch in her stew.

So I tried to find a recipe that could use up some cinnamon. It just so happened that I've got a roasted chicken on hand, so this seemed perfect.

I had to make some adaptations because the recipe is for raw chicken and I didn't have any honey or currants (or even raisins or craisins). So I sort of winged it. Here's how I did it.

I started with some chopped onion and olive oil in a skillet over medium, and added some chopped almonds. I let that sweat for a couple minutes and then added some finely chopped garlic cloves and some breast pieces from my roasted chicken, straight out of the bag. I let that cook with just some salt and pepper until it was heated throughout and browned a little.

Then I hit the whole pan with a generous coating of cinnamon and cumin. I flipped the chicken pieces and seasoned it some more.

I was ready to add some salsa, as it needed some sort of sauce, but then didn't think that my green tequila-lime salsa would match the intended moroccan flavor. Instead, I audibled to my Cuban-style Mojo Citrus sauce that had the right chili flavor I was looking for. I placed my chicken pieces on some garlic & olive oil couscous that was leftover from Brittany's dinner the night before. And then scraped all the little bits of chicken, almond and onion on top.

Click for HD!

I almost didn't take a picture, but I'm glad I did. It's one of my favorite meals I've ever made and I plan on making it again. The cinnamon/cumin combination is fantastic, but the best part was the chopped almonds. It added an amazing texture contrast, in addition to taking on all the flavors of the dish. I even wish I had more couscous as it added a nice layer.

Next time I wouldn't change a thing as far the sauce I used or adding honey. But I think some craisins would add a little fruit flavor that would be a nice addition.

Thanks to having the chicken pre-cooked and ready to go, the prep-time for this dish is the time to chop some almonds and onion. And it cooks in about ten minutes. Making the couscous from the box mix, takes about that same time too. And it's healthy. Good times.

first 5k since february

I've been gaining weight all summer/fall, and after running two miles last week, I ran a 5k last night. It was my slowest time ever, but I wasn't worried about the time, just finishing.

5k times:
10.6.08 -- 37:55
2.12.08 -- 36:46
6.24.07 -- 34:15
6.3.07 -- 36:55
5.15.07 -- 37:15

NO QUIT

I just ran my first 5k since June 24, 2007. Clocking in at 36:46. This was after running 1.5 miles once in January, and running 2.5 miles on Sunday.

It feels really good. There were so many times, especially early on, when I didn't really know if I was going to be able to do it.

On Sunday my goal was just to run 2 miles, and I ended up going 2.5 because I was waiting for a specific song. But I did it just fine without any water while running...

Well today, going in with the goal of doing 5k, my whole mindset was different. The first quarter-mile felt much harder. My legs felt tired immediately, and I drank about 14 ounces of water during the run. It was probably a combination of actually being tired from Sunday's run and knowing that I'm in it for the long haul. But I was able to pull it out, and one of the things that helped get me through, was knowing that I would be able to post this, make my achievement public.



5k times:
2.12.08 -- 36:46
6.24.07 -- 34:15
6.3.07 -- 36:55
5.15.07 -- 37:15

foodasfuel2.0: this time, for serious

I mean, there's a new logo and everything! I'm starting out about 30 pounds lighter than I was last January, and I'm totally serious.

12.17.07

So here's the deal, remember back in July when I said that I was getting back on foodasfuel™...you know I was just bullshitting, right? I mean, come on.

But this time I mean it. I think foodasfuel is one of those shows like 24, that just airs in the spring. Anyways, I'm back on track.

8.15.07

I've learned/am learning a lot about myself. One of the keys to losing weight is eating smaller portions. And once I was eating smaller portions for a while, my body got used to them. I wasn't as hungry. A 6" would fill me up where I would used to eat a 12".

But here's the interesting part: If I want to eat the 12" (or say a whole frozen pizza, or a 1 lb. burger and fries) I can do so with alarming ease. Even though my body is used to smaller portions, I can easily put away huge foods.

Which I find very interesting, because it reveals a human truth. For me, for all that time and to this day, eating was so often more for me, than it was for my body.

...

Every time I go to Burnsy's I'm shocked that he has the same snacks in the cupboard that he had weeks/months earlier. Bags of chips that are still open--they're open!--and haven't been touched in weeks. It's so foreign to me because I'm so used to eating for pleasure, that when I get something snacky, it disappears instantly. Once a bag of chips gets open, it gets finished in a day or two. That's just the way I am. So I've learned it's easier to not buy the chips then to try and make them last.

premiere of foodasfuel: season two / season one out on dvd

The critically acclaimed first season of foodasfuel™ enjoyed a good run from it's premiere at the beginning of 2007 to it's season finale on May 25, 2007.



I'm happy to report that it's been picked up for a second season. In the last two months, I've been doing some pushups and occasional running but allowed my eating habits to go off the deep end a little.

But now I'm back from vacation, back and better than ever. I feel motivated to get my body to a point that it's never been, and I'm optimistic based on my previous success.

The good news is that I'm starting season two at a lot better place that I started season one. I'm already in arguably the best shape of my life, and recently accomplished things that I never thought I would do.

I'm not that concerned about the numbers changing on the scale, my goals are:

• to carve a leaner, stronger body
• continue eating healthy to feel good
• set new records in pushups and 5k times
  

7.10.07

It's been a little while since I've checked in...in fact, I haven't really written about it since the big reveal of the 40 pounds.

So 6 and 1/2 weeks later, after getting down to a weight of 154, my current weight is...155. I've held constant around 155 or 156 and it feels good.

I don't really want to have a lower scale number (I'm fine with 155 forever) but it would be nice if I could lose a little flab around my stomach--knowing that to do so would mean losing pounds on the scale, but that's beside the point.

My abs are the strongest they've ever been, mostly through a combination of push-ups and running. Although I can only barely make them out--hence the desire to lose that flab that's covering them up. So I'm not ready to take my shirt off for the cover of Men's Health, but it's kind of weird to flex my abs and feel rock hard muscles, even if there is a little fat in the way.

But I'm definitely glad that I haven't gained any of the weight back. And perhaps a little surprised, considering I've had a number of occasions where I've splurged on my caloric intake--but overall I'm still doing a lot of things right with my protein bars, apples, whole wheat bread and ham sandwiches, chicken fajita dinners, I've been making some sweet corn too.

If I can keep up the pushups/running routine, and still eat well, I should be in even better shape by the fall/winter.

five kilos

Even though I've run 5000 meters three times now, if I do it faster it feels like I'm doing something I've never done before. New personal best: 5k in 34:15.

Previous 5k times:
6.3.07 -- 36:55
5.15.07 -- 37:15

another 5k

Today I ran another 5k at home on my treadmill. I finished with a time of 36:55. It's funny how hard something seems when you've never done it before--it seems impossible even. And yet after you do it once, the 2nd time just feels natural.

Previous 5k times:
5.15.07 -- 37:15