how a single banner ad represents why nobody clicks on banner ads anymore

Here I was minding my own business. I was listening to MATES #13. And as I am wont to do, I was googling things that they talk about while I listen. And MIB made a throwaway comment about melting m&m's on top of popcorn, so I googled it. I landed on this page.

And what did I see on the right side of the page? An enticing cinnamon roll.


The background here is that I am a cinnamon roll lover. I was drawn in by the picture. And then I saw the headline. "Low-Fat Clone of a Cinnabon."

Now let me be clear. At this stage of the game, I was already so disillusioned with banner ads that I DID NOT believe the headline was true. [Editor's note: the "I" in that sentence does not have added emphasis. It is merely capitalized per standard language rules.] It certainly doesn't look low fat. But I was curious about what this recipe might actually contain.

So I clicked it. When it says "click here to download this recipe" I assumed that it would take me to a page where I could view the recipe. Or that it would download a pdf of the recipe.

I was so naive.

When you click that ad, it takes you here:


Now, I'm no advertising expert. But it would seem that if I'm interested in what you are advertising, you should follow through on what you tease me with.

The end result: my beliefs are reinforced that no banner ad will ever provide me with what they promise.

this irks the shit out of me

Put the right name above the right person. Make the middle name bigger. Assemble the photo knowing the billing of the stars.

Edit: Since Niraj supports this, here's more.

The Lebowski DVD that I own:


A poster that I had to stare at for a month on the Green Line:

Annoying because they got one name right.

can't stop listening to Childish Gambino

Professional Ebook Cover Designs for $99

More and more people are discovering that they can self-publish their own book via Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing. But once you finish writing your book, you need one more thing. A good cover.

I'm starting a service to help fellow indie writers get professional ebook covers for only $99. Looking for an ebook cover designer? Look no further.

two-three

After a five-month winter break, Kirat and I resumed our series of deathmatches (a.k.a. grudgematch to the death).

Kirat won the first set tiebreaker and then came back from a 1-3 deficit in the second set to win it 6-4.

Match #6, started 3.23.11: in progress (4-2 Kirat, Dave's Serve)
Match #5, started 10.11.10: 7-6(1), 6-4 Kirat
Match #4, started 10.11.10: 6-4, 6-4 Dave
Match #3, started 8.4.10: 5-7, 6-4, 6-2 Dave
Match #2, started 7.28.10: 6-7 (2), 6-2, 8-6 Kirat
Match #1, started spring 2002: ?-6, 6-?, 9-7 Kirat

nuggets up 5 with 3 seconds to go...

#rejectedtweet

I prefer subways to buses because I like to know exactly when, where and how I'm going to get off.

2010 Census: Writing The Future

(I know this is 2011, but I'm tagging this with 2010 census because its about predicting the future.)

What will life be like later this century?

There were plenty of predictions from 1950 for the year 2000.

So what do I think things will look like in the next 50+ years?

SOCIAL

Anti-gay policies will be wiped away, and looked upon as shamefully as the anti-woman, anti-black sentiments of our past. Marriage will be owned as a religious ceremony, so individual churches can decided what kind of marriages they perform, but the right to marry who you want will not be denied by the government.

CARS

There will be no exhaust. The only emissions will be water/water vapor. A combination of batteries/electric/hydrogen/solar will fight it out. Gas Station companies like Shell will stay in business by converting to places where you stop to refuel by charging your car.

People will still drive their own cars but there will be technology that greatly reduces the number of car accidents.

TECHNOLOGY

Basically everything in your house/car/life will be part of a network/internet. Locks, lights, oven, blender, all connected, all wireless. You'll never be locked out. And while houses will still use some power from power plants, most houses will have solar panels and other energy sources to try and be self-sufficient.

Television will not have a select number of channels that "you get." Programming will be delivered via the internet. Instead of being limited to 100 or 200 channels, your TV will have an entry more like an address bar where you can access an unlimited number of internet channels. NBC and MTV will still deliver programming through the internet, mostly on-demand. Yet anyone will be able to post their own content, and people can watch it immediately. Live sports/events will continue to be important.

Screens will get impossibly flat. It will be common for them to be embedded in walls. They will also have the option of being hung on the wall like a poster.

Showers will come standard with digital water temperature settings and multiple programmable presets, so everyone in the family can shower at their exact desired temperature.

SPORTS

Football will not be the most popular sport. Players will be too big and fast and too many injuries will lessen the popularity. Basketball will take over. Perhaps there will be a new sport, or new version of basketball that incorporates some elements of football: the importance of possession, playcalling and stoppages after a play, about 20 games per year.

How To Get a Creative Advertising Job

(Advice from a copywriter, Illinois Class of 2005)

1. Watch the documentary Art & Copy. Get inspired.

2. Buy Iezzi's new book The Idea Writers. Even if you're an art director. Especially if you're a copywriter. This is the future.

3. In fact, I would say the 3 books you need to read, know and love are Hey Whipple, The Idea Writers, and Strunk & White (for writers) or Thinking With Type (for art directors.)

4. Build your portfolio on Cargo. It's big, simple, free and what everyone is using now.

5. LinkedIn is your resume. Work hard, get internships wherever you can, make your internship if have to, make your LinkedIn profile compelling. Show that you can write or art direct.

6. Get good. If you read Outliers or Talent Is Overrated, you'll find that success is not based on "talent," whatever that is. It's based on working hard, learning from mistakes, getting better every day. If you want to get a job in creative advertising, you can. But it might take more work than you’re willing to put in.

7. Your book isn’t good enough until you get a job. Don’t stop working on it just because you’ve got some interviews. Keep working on it until you’re hired.

8. Your book probably has a typo. Have 10 people proof it and then if they haven’t found it, get 10 more. Don’t bring a typo into an interview. Just don’t.

9. You don't need portfolio school. If you have the money and the time, go for it. If not, that’s fine. Just remember that you’re competing with people coming out of them.

10. Clever headlines and pretty layouts are nothing without a big idea. Be sure you have one, and be able to talk about it. You'll have to in your job—and probably your interview.

11. Start writing cover letters now. The one chance you have to grab someone's attention is a short email. This is the most important ad you will ever make and it's for yourself. It takes a good 8-10 months to write a good one. Write a couple and send them to your friends. Then next month see if you can do better.

12. Contact people during work hours on a Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday.

13. Once you have a good book (see 6-10 above) use LinkedIn. People from UIUC are friendly. Set aside time. Contact them (see 12 above) and tell them you'll be in Chicago next week and ask to stop by for 5 minutes and have them look at your book.

14. Do something that makes you happy. If you like making ads, go for it. It's fun. Just work hard. If I had worked harder in school, I could have gotten a better job, faster. (see 6 above)

15. Because lists seem better when they have round numbers.

like, symbolism, or something

god that's a good looking chicken

I don't even want to write anything just so I can keep that chicken at the top of the page.

green chile chicken soup

Following the success of last week's chili (and five leftover jalapeno peppers) I thought I would try to make a chicken version. I knew that I didn't want to just repeat my beef recipe and substitute chicken--I wanted to make something new, a green chile soup to give the chicken recipe its own identity.

I started by roasting my own 4.5 pound chicken.


Once it was rested I deboned it, separated the chicken breasts to save them for later. All the other little pieces of meat were ready to go.

I ended up using the entire 4 cup package of chicken broth. But I started with maybe 1.5 or 2 cups, all the chicken pieces and 4 jalapenos.


Then I added a diced onion, 5 cloves of garlic, 3/4 cup of hot green salsa, and a little oregano. That's it.

Then I let it cook for about 3 hours on low. Easy peasy.


Time to serve.


I went into this expecting the chicken version not to be as good as the beef, and it wasn't. It wasn't bad at all. But it was sort of one note--jalepeno. It wasn't too spicy, but not a very complex taste.

I suppose this ends up looking more like tortilla soup (minus the tortillas) than a chili, but I'm not entering this in a chili contest. I don't care what you want to call it. But the liquid definitely wasn't as thick as last weeks, not thick enough to coat a chip or spoon.

But it is a lot tastier than the tortilla soup that was served at the ISR Cantina.

Burnsy Gets a Title

Led by Greg Jennings and the Packers defense in their divisional matchup--on the road at #1 Atlanta--Burnsy takes home his first fantasy title.

Super Bowl Memories

I was born in November 1983.

A shame that at 4 1/2, I wasn't old enough to make lasting memories of the March 1988 Final Four. KU won the Final Four in Kansas City. And there I was, oblivious to it all.

At barely over 5, I have no memory of a classic Joe Montana Super Bowl drive.

My first Super Bowl memory is from January 1990: Super Bowl XXIV. I was in the First Grade. I remember my family watched the game next door, on our neighbor's projection big-screen tv. I remember the best part was Bud Bowl (which was actually Bud Bowl II). And I remember thinking that it was kind of silly for everyone to make a big deal out of a game that turned out not be close at all: 49ers over Broncos, 55-10.

January 1991: Second Grade. The Wide Right Game. I think this was the game where I got sick and threw up at someone's house. I missed the next day at school and people thought that I must have been travelling back from Florida. Kids imagine things so easily. I have no memories of the actual game.

January 1992: Third Grade. Another game that I really don't remember anything about. What I do remember is that by the summer of 1992, I loved the NFL so much that I bought this sticker album, and then bought packs and packs of stickers to put in them. This was better than buying football cards to me, because it involved collecting a specific set and you could see how much progress I made.


What I remember about this Super Bowl, is that they had 4 stickers specific to SB26. So that's how I learned the name Mark Rypien. This and my collection of mini-helmets that I must have poured over 10 bucks in quarters into grocery store vending machines to finish--that's how I spent 3rd and 4th grade.

January 1993: Fourth Grade. I remember this game. I thought it was a huge deal that Beebe knocked the ball out of Lett's hand. But the Cowboys won the game 52-17, so really, who cares? More so, I remember watching the Frank Reich comeback against the Oilers live. What a game.

January 1994: Fifth Grade. This was my first Super Bowl in Peoria. I remember watching the NBA Finals when I had just moved to Illinois in June 1993. But this game? Meh.

January 1995: Sixth Grade. Middle school was such a wasteland. Why don't I remember any of this?

January 1996: Seventh Grade. Super Bowl 30. Cowboys vs Steelers. What a tasty matchup. Seriously, I have only vague recollection of Neil O'Donnell.

January 1997: Eight Grade. Packers over the Patriots. I remember Brett Favre. That's it.

January 1998: Freshman, High School. Broncos over Packers. Elway. I have a terrible memory apparently.

January 1999: Sophomore, High School. Broncos over Falcons. Okay, this one I went to a party at my friend Brian's house. I remember people were watching Celebrity Deathmatch during halftime on MTV. I don't know that we watched the game that closely.

January 2000: Junior, High School. I don't know where I watched it, but this was the first Super Bowl that I remember thinking was a great game. The Titans tied the game, and then on the very next play, boom, Rams touchdown. And then the ending one yard short. A classic.

January 2001: Senior, High School. This one was stupid. I was working at Bellacino's my senior year and because I'm an idiot, I never thought about the Super Bowl approaching. I didn't realize that I might have to work during the game until about a week or two before. Everyone else who cared had asked for the day off weeks in advance. So I was stuck at a pizza/sandwich shop working during this game. While all my friends were at a party, I listened to it on the radio. Yep. That's how lame it was. And without streaming video the way we have it now, who knows if I even saw highlights. Maybe on SportsCenter if I made it home in time.

February 2002: Freshman, College. I know we watched this in One North. I can't remember which room, I know I was in my own room for a bit. I remember having two Mike's Hard Lemonades and getting a headache. Great game though. Patriots over Rams, still just months after 9/11.

January 2003: Sophomore, College. For this one, we gathered about 12 people into room 194 (Kirat & Niraj). I was sitting with Brittany on the floor. I had a 2-liter of soda in a giant novelty glass. I know that I was rooting against the Raiders and happy with the outcome. I also remember that someone spilled something and the floor got sticky.

February 2004: Junior, College. This was a great game, great setting. We were in our apartment on Lincoln, in the Dave-Kirat-Savan-Matt living room. This was our first apartment Super Bowl and I remember lots of food. Buffalo wings, poppers, the whole deal. There was the Janet Jackson nip-slip, and the great game that came down to the final second.

February 2005: Senior, College. Over on Bash Court, someone had rented a projector in Kirat-Savan-Matt's apartment. Another good game, Pats over Eagles. I had to leave for a while during the game to drop Brit off at the Amtrak station in Champaign--she was student teaching in Chicago and had to get back that night.

February 2006: First year in Chicago. I had a Super Bowl party at Brit's apartment. It was the first year that I combined wings and smokies in a barbecue crock pot. Also the first year for my predictions ballot. It was a good time, thought it was on a small TV. Matt won a fantasy contest for the first time.

February 2007: The Bears were in the Super Bowl. Brit and I just stayed at home, not wanting to be surrounded by Bears fans.

February 2008: Burnsy/Rishi hosted a sweet party at their place on Honore. We connected with Mark on Skype. And I was rooting against the 18-0 Pats, and completely shocked that they lost. I took my crock pot on the road and took the number of meats to a new level.

February 2009: Burnsy hosted again, this time from his new place on Milwaukee. Another fantastic game that came down to the wire. Springsteen. MC Hammer was in a Cash4Gold commercial. Burnsy made this sweet football-shaped ice mold. I believe there was a nacho bar with homemade melted queso.

February 2010: Since the Saints were in it, Brit and I wanted to stay at home and root on New Orleans. And then Brit's parents came up to watch the game. We ordered in a deep dish pizza and it was yet another incredible game. This was our first Super Bowl in Oak Park.

February 2011: Brit and I will be taking it easy again. Tasty matchup. Probably won't go crazy with the food either. Will this be my last one in Illinois--a streak dating back to January 1994?

HOW TO: make a thick, no-bean chili

Growing up, chili was a Christmas Eve dinner tradition. My mom made her recipe--a thin version made with ground beef, beans and tomato juice as the primary liquid. And I grew up thinking I didn't like chili.

And then somewhere between college and now, I realized that I what I didn't really like was the beans and the thinness of it. I tried a can of no-bean chili, and it was just okay. But I knew that it would taste a lot better if I made it fresh, with what I wanted.

But up until last week, I had never done so. I realized that I had talked all this game about how "I love thick chili with no beans" but had never put it to the test. Saturday I made my first pot of chili.

- - -

Also, this was the first culinary adventure where I wasn't using a recipe. I did some research, but nothing had everything I wanted. So I picked up some tips, and some techniques, and decided to invent my own recipe. Here we go.

- - -

Dave's Chili Recipe

Meats
1.5 pounds of lean beef stew meat

Chiles
1 poblano
2 jalapenos

Veggies
1 onion
1 red pepper
5 cloves garlic

Liquids & Spices
3/4 cup Pace Picante sauce
2 tbsp Gates bbq sauce
3 cups chicken broth
2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cayenne powder
sprinkle oregano
sprinkle cinnamon
sprinkle chipotle hot sauce



I gathered everything I thought I might need. But the focus is on the meat. I thought about doing a two-meat or even a three-meat chili, but wanted to get the basic recipe down first, before I went crazy. Chorizo or italian sausage would have to wait. Plus, the smallest stew meat container I could get was 1.5 pounds, and that seemed like plenty of meat.


So the first step is to get your pot on a medium-heat burner and cut up your stew meat into half-inch chunks. Brown your meat with olive oil. I should have done in it multiple batches to get a better browning action. I had no idea there would be so much grease coming out. So drain your meat, then season with salt & pepper (I like using Lawry's Seasoned Salt if you have it).

Then I added 1.5 cups of chicken broth, and turned the heat down to low. I probably would have preferred beef broth, but I already had the chicken broth on hand, so that's what I used. Right away I cut up my poblano and two jalapenos. I had more jalapenos but figured I could always add them later and I had no idea how hot this was going to be. And I wasn't going for the spiciest chili. I wanted to get good depth of flavor. So I added the diced peppers to the broth and beef, infusing the flavor in the liquid from the beginning.

Also I figured, what's the point of making chili if you're not going to use fresh chiles?

(total time elapsed: 30 minutes)

Then I diced my onion and red pepper. For the garlic cloves, I left them in big pieces--4 per clove. I poured in some medium Pace Picante. I added a little Gates sauce and the rest of the spices. Here's what it looked like once I added everything.

(total time elapsed: 1 hour)

Then comes the easy part: just let it simmer on low. I only stirred it maybe once every 20-30 minutes. When I came back 1.5 hours later, a lot of the liquid had cooked off. You can see the residue on the side of the pot how much the chili had condensed. So I added another 1/2 cup of broth, took this next picture, and had a cup to sample.

(total time elapsed: 2 hours, 30 minutes)

At 2.5 hours, the flavor was perfect. Consistency was the way I wanted, nice and thick. The veggies were definitely cooked through. The only thing that needed work was the meat. It was just a bit chewy, and I knew it needed a little more time.

So I added another cup of broth and teaspoon of chili powder and let it simmer some more.

(total time elapsed: 3 hours, 15 minutes)

Here it is at the end of the cooking time. The meat was fairly tender. I could have keep the meat going, but I didn't want to leave the veggies going any longer and have them turn to mush. Going into this, I was prepared to let it cook 6 hours, but hadn't thought about how my ingredients would hold up.

Here's how I served it:


So how did it taste? Delicious. Exactly what I was going for, a nice depth of rich flavor. Spicy, but not overwhelming. A complex heat. Honestly it turned out better than I expected. And I liked having the Trader Joe's frito-style chips there for a crunch.

- - -

Thoughts For Next Time

So this kind of stew meat needs 3-5 hours to simmer. If I added some kind of sausage, it wouldn't need that much time. The chiles/veggies only needed about 2 hours, so don't be in a rush to add them right away. As for my ingredient choices, I don't really need to change a thing. I might try beef broth, and I could experiment with my chiles. And you could use whatever veggies and spices you want, though I think the onion, chili powder and cayenne powder are non-negotiable.

It's conventional wisdom that chili is better the next day, after the flavors have had time to blend in the fridge overnight. On Sunday, I had another bowl. It tasted just as good, but not better to my palate. As far as I'm concerned, "making it a day ahead" is an old wive's tale.

The only downside to making a thick chili like this, is that it doesn't go as far as you'd think. I had a pound and a half of meat and 3 cups of broth and it basically made three big bowls. It's not the live on this for a week portion that it might suggest.

So that's my chili. No beans. No water. And hardly any tomatoes (just the bit of picante). Mostly Texas style. Just how I wanted it.