Books I've Written

Bibliography as Written 

Roadside Attractions (2007) - This was only available through Lulu.com. Some friends bought printed copies and might still have them. This is equivalent to the rare, out-of-print first album.

Autopilot (2009) - This was originally available on Lulu.com. I also tried to get it traditionally published but no luck. So I self-published it on Amazon in 2011. Five years later I rewrote the ending, removed Autopilot from the store and re-published it as a new book: Bangs & Crashes. 

Pie for Breakfast (2013) - I self-published to Amazon paperback and ebook.

Choose Your Own Trump (2018) - I self-published this choose your own adventure in paperback on Amazon.


Bibliography as Currently Available

Pie for Breakfast (May 2013) - non-fiction personal essays
Bangs & Crashes (January 2016) - novel (fiction)
Choose Your Own Trump (January 2018) - choose your own adventure (fiction)

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I had to separate these lists so I could see when I actually finished. The whole re-mixing a book and republishing it kinda throws off the timeline.

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I'm starting a new book. It's kind of dumb to say that when I haven't written a word, but I've always been dumb in that way.

Hitman 2 Created Contract: Air Jordan

This video requires a bit of context. Hitman gives players the abilities to create custom contracts. I've created several and this one I titled "Air Jordan" because the target is Mike, a guy who sits on this beam 4 stories up. The target is very easy to kill, but the challenge is completing it with the silent assassin rating, and therefore getting the highest score.

To achieve silent assassin you must: 

• Kill only targets (others can be knocked out)
• Not be spotted, even by security cameras
• Not have any bodies found (exceptions are accidents or poisonings)

Next to the mini-map, there is a green icon. Green = silent assassin. If they turn red, you've done something to lose silent assassin. 

As for this particular challenge, shooting him with a sniper rifle is quite simple, but his body will be found, either by the guards on his floor or by the guards on the ground when his body falls. 

My first thought when creating it was that I could knock out all the guards on the ground level and with a well-timed sniper shot, his body wouldn't be found. 

But I decided to first try to go up to the 4th floor. I started knocking out all the guards using distractions. It takes a little while and the container only fits two bodies, so I had a lot of guards stacked up. I finally got to Mike and realized unlike every other character, he wasn't interested in investigating sounds. As I was trying to figure that out, someone came up and found a bunch of bodies. I was 10 minutes in and lost my silent assassin rating. 

Then I checked the leaderboard. Someone completed it in 2:46 with silent assassin. 

So clearly I needed a new strategy. I didn't have time to clear out the guards. 

Here's what I did, with an explanation underneath:

I realized that if I could use the tranquilizer gun it counts as poisoning so when Mike's body is found, it doesn't break my rating.

I tried climbing out the window near the starting point to use the tranquilizer, but I wasn't close enough for the shot to get to him. And then I discovered with that method that either he fell off himself but it lost the rating, or he didn't fall and was only knocked out.

So I thought tranquilizer might not work at all. But then I tried it with dumping his body personally and it worked.

To get the guards to turn around, I tried pulling the fire alarm and it worked great. Except that they would discover the guard I was knocking out to get his disguise. It took me a few more runs to think of using the tranquilizer on the first guard so that even if he gets spotted, it doesn't count.

Even with the right disguise, there are a few guards with white dots over them that know who all the guards are and can see through disguises. So I had to avoid them and the camera on the way out.

I suppose it looks pretty simple once it's done, but it was a lot of trial and error to figure out how to do it.

And my time? 2:34. Good enough for first place currently, though it could easily be beaten. 

Last Bowling of Summer

Today I rolled a 147 and then a 135.

The second game was frustrating as I opened with two strikes and then in third and fourth frame I had 9 on my first rolls...but failed to convert either spare. I only got two spares the rest of the way and squandered a great start and chance to not only break my personal record of 162, but I had a chance to break 200. If I had converted all my spares following the two opening strikes, I would have finished with 190. Add in a third strike and I'd be over 200.

Here are my bowling scores that I know of:
162, 122 and less than 122 - July 2012
137 - August 2015
147 - August 2016
133, 145, 145, 130 - June 2019
160* - July 2019
147, 135 - August 2019

I'm fairly consistent to hit one game in the 130s and one game in the 140s.

No-Tap Bowling

I had never heard of no-tap bowling until I played a game of it. It's not actually a different way to play, just a way to inflate scores. It made sense when I read that it's a way for kids to compete with grown-ups on the same playing field. (The explanation was that since we're supporting Big Brothers Big Sisters, the extra pin was like the help from a Big Brother or Big Sister.)

We played nine-pin no-tap which means if you got 9 pins on your first shot, it counts as a strike. 9 pins on your second shot does not count as a spare. 

So here's my score from last night:

My previous high score was 162, so 173 would be something to get excited about... if it weren't for the fake scoring.

You can tell I got 3 fake strikes in the 2nd, 5th, and 9th frames. I got two real strikes in the 7th and 10th frames.

So how much did those inflate my scores? For simplicity, I will assume that I would have converted the spare attempts. (I was 4 for 4 on converting spares with 3 or less pins.)

These rules added an artificial value of the 2nd shot following a fake strike.

So that's 3 pins in the 3rd frame, 3 pins in the 6th frame, and 7 pins in the 10th. That's 13 extra pins.
So my 173 should have at most been a 160 under normal scoring. Of course if I had missed one of the spare opportunities, say the first, that would have deducted another 8 pins from my score. So it's a 160 with an asterisk.

I figure, it's not really fair to assume I would have missed a shot that I didn't get to take. But still, it's not a given that I rolled 160.

July 11: 160*

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It was cosmic bowling and if the orange pin was your headpin and you got a strike or spare, you won a prize. The first time it came up was in the 4th. I had just rolled three consecutive closed frames, so of course I left it open when the prize was available. It was a split, even though it's not circled. I got another chance in the 7th and got my first legit strike. I got to choose from various items, sunglasses, deck of cards, but selected a pizza cutter.

We started a second game but I stunk. In the 4th frame, they told us we only had 5 more minutes. So I picked up a light ball and did the hook attempt and got a strike. That was cool. So I did it again, just as perfectly, and left a split with multiple pins on both sides. So that's why I don't do that.

More Golf

The people are clamoring for more golf highlights! Well, here you go:

Dream Team vs Angola

Here's the game preview by Sir Charles Barkley, considered by at least one YouTube commenter, the greatest quote in history:




So how did Angola do? They stormed out to an early lead!

Could they pull the upset?

See if I was their coach, I would have tried not to give up a 52-6 run in the first half.

Classic Letterman Bits

I've written at length how watching Letterman influenced me and how I got to see his show in person in 2010.

YouTube is amazing. Even though we're getting farther away from when these originally aired, there's more 90's clips on the internet now than in 2010. Of course, these can get taken down or deleted, but for now, here's some classic Letterman.

Dave at Taco Bell (the clip they played to the audience in 2010)


Dave and Rupert Annoy People


Stop Calling Me Chief

best song of 2019

Worlds of Fun - Roller Coaster History

When I was going to Worlds of Fun as a kid, there were three roller coasters:

Zambezi Zinger (opened 1973)
Orient Express (1980)
Timber Wolf (1989)

I only rode Zambezi Zinger because I was 7-9 years old and the other two were too intimidating/I probably wasn't tall enough anyways.

Well the Zambezi Zinger was closed in 1997 and Orient Express closed in 2003. So here's the list of current roller coasters:

Timber Wolf (1989) - everyone describes as rough/rickety
Mamba (1998) - steep af
Boomerang (2000) - no desire to ride backwards/upside down
Spinning Dragons (2004) - spinning while on a coaster
Patriot (2006) - an inverted coaster that goes upside down
Prowler (2009) - this one looks the best for my style

Cast-Iron Honey Garlic Chicken

Add some olive oil, then butter to a medium-high pan. Season the chicken thighs and place skin down in the pan. We're not trying to cook it through, so all you need to worry about is getting the perfect golden brown skin. Remove the chicken and add potatoes and carrots to the pan. Same idea, cook for 8-10 minutes to get some nice brownage on the veggies. Meanwhile, make a sauce and preheat the oven to 425. This time I did honey, barbecue, soy sauce, chicken stock, soy ginger vinaigrette. Remove the potatoes and carrots and add onions. Then add garlic and the sauce. Simmer for a few minutes then add the chicken and veggies back in.

Above is ready to go into the oven. It gets 15-20 minutes in the oven. Below is after it comes out of the oven. The veggies are tender, the chicken is cooked through. 

Plate with the sauce over top. 

Board Man Gets Trophy

I was all set to write a post about the NBA. It was going to be about how the Warriors won 4 titles in 5 years, and the one year they didn't win was the year they won 73 games and were up 3-1 in the Finals. I was then going to make a point how the Warriors are obviously incredible, but also that you have to give LeBron a ton of credit for being able to interrupt that dynasty to bring a title to Cleveland of all places.

But thanks to Toronto, that's not the post I'm writing today.

- - -

Let's look back at how the Raptors did it. In the first round, they dropped their first game to the Magic at home before reeling off four straight.

The Raptors trailed the 76ers 2-1 in the next round. In Game 7, with the game on the line, Kawhi got the ball and did this.



His shot hit the rim, he crouched, and still had time to wait for the ball to go in.

And then in the next round, the #1 Milwaukee was up 2-0. The Warriors were in the process of sweeping Portland so everyone was already talking about if they needed Durant back to beat Giannis in the Finals. And then the Raptors won 4 straight.

Then the Raptors beat the Warriors in 6. 3-0 at Oracle. They closed that arena for good by owning it. They trailed in every playoff series except the Finals.

And now the Raptors have their first title in franchise history.
For the first time in history, the NBA Champion is not from the United States.
A Canadian team has won the World Series and NBA title more recently than the Stanley Cup.

Kawhi has a Finals MVP in multiple countries, which is a record that is unlikely to be matched anytime soon.

- - -

Since the Spurs and Wade have retired, the list of active players with multiple titles is short.

There's Curry-Iggy-Draymond-Klay-Livingston with 3.
There's LeBron with 3.
Durant with 2.
Kawhi and Green with 2.

(And it's hard to tell because there's not a great tool out there that has active filters, but I don't think there's that many more stars that I'm missing.)

- - -

And after all that, I have to remind everyone how fragile these narratives are. How things outside of your control affect your narrative all the time. At the end of the game, Curry had a good look to win. Klay is out with a torn ACL and Durant is out with a torn achilles. But Curry's shot affects their ring totals and legacies. And times that times a million, with all the plays and transactions and injuries.

No title should have an asterisk. But in a way, every title could have one because of all the little things outside your control that alter your legacy. (When you look back at Brady, if you change 3 plays of things outside Brady's control (Dee Ford offsides, Falcons sack in 28-3, Seahawks passing from the 1) the Patriots could be 0-6 in the Super Bowl since 2004. And then if you change 3 in the other direction, the Patriots could be 9-0 including 19-0. All without changing a thing from Brady's actual play. That's the fragileness that I'm talking about. Do everything the same and you might win 6 Super Bowls in or you might win zero.

Klay and Durant played at an All-Star level this year. But whether or not they get a ring was outside their control.

Lucky / Unlucky Sports Highlights

I used to embed random videos all the time on this blog. Don't really do that anymore, but this one was too good to pass up.

Golf Highlights

I subscribe to the theory of "Give the people what they want." And clearly what the people want is highlights of me playing a golf video game. Here you go!

I created a golf course: In the Clouds

I wanted to record a playthrough to show off my course, somehow I played way worse than normal--I guess the pressure of knowing this was being recorded got to me.

Bowling Scores

Today I played two games with the boys. I rolled a 133 and then a 145.

Edit: And then on June 2 I rolled a 145 followed by a 130.

Previous scores (found via the family blog):
162, 122 and less than 122 - July 2012
147 - August 2016
137 - August 2015