AFC West Shitpost

There will be some out there who say, "You know, the Chiefs won the Super Bowl and have at least 10 more years of Patrick Mahomes, they've won the division six years in a row and are about to make it seven...don't you think you're above all this (gestures to shitposting)?

No. I don't think I am. 

Let's start with the Oakland Raiders.

Their mantra is Just Win Baby but at the end of September they were the only 0-3 team in the league. They're currently 2-5 and 0-4 on the road. 

They made a big move giving up a first and second round pick to get Davante Adams. There was all this hype that Adams was going to reunite with his college QB David Derek Carr and it was going to be offensive fireworks. More like offensive to anybody who likes scoring. 

The 2-5 Saints shutout the Raiders last week. Come for the beautiful scoreline, stay for the delusional fan.

Fair enough guy. I won't come to the parade. 

By the way, do they have a parade for missing the playoffs?

True Story: The Raiders lost Super Bowl 37 and haven't won a playoff game since. 20 years.

- - -

Real quick, we can touch on the Chargers, sort of a palate cleanser. 

People at The Ringer are desperate to put Herbert on the same level as Mahomes and Allen. Let's check the tape:

This year the Chargers are 4-3 but have a division worst -25 plus/minus. 

Brian Robinson got shot and made it back on the field before Keenan Allen. 

Wake me up when Herbert wins a playoff game.

- - -

And then we get to the Denver Broncos. 

This team signed Russell Wilson to a five-year, $245 Million contract two months ago. This shit aged like yogurt. 

Hilarious that he's bad on the field and getting mocked by everyone for being corny off the field. I've never seen current NFL players mocking someone like they are now. 

All being lead by the guru Nathaniel Hackett. 

What's hilarious is I didn't ever believe in Russell Wilson being a tier one QB, but he did bring me a lot of joy when the Seahawks beat the Broncos in the Super Bowl. And now he's bad on the Broncos, and a financial casualty, and corny as shit. It's the best of both worlds.

Fantasy vs Real

I hate fantasy/mythical/folklore/anything with dragons.

I generally don't like superhero stuff.

I generally don't prefer animated movies either.

- - -

In my head, my best answer for those preferences as that they're "not real."

But I like a ton of things that are not real. I love time travel and groundhog day style movies. Mission Impossible is my favorite franchise and it's far from real. Things happening in Inception and Tenet are definitely not real either. 

So what do I mean by real? I think it means that the characters are real people. They might be in unreal situations like time traveling or taking each others faces off, but they're real humans. There's no dragons flying around (or trolls or orcs) or talking cats or people with mythical superpowers. For me, I'm discovering, that movies are about exploring the human experience, even into the realms of impossibility, but if it's not happening to real humans, I don't care about it.

(whispers) I've never fully believed that Russell Wilson was a great quarterback.

Illinois Football is Ranked? And Won?

Earlier this year, Kansas Football had the longest stretch in the Power Five without being ranked. And then they got ranked in the Top 25. That honor then passed to Illinois. Who promptly got ranked and even won a game as a ranked team. When was the last time that happened? What about on homecoming?

Let's go back. 

2011

Illinois won three games as a ranked team, two Big Ten wins. They even won a homecoming game over Northwestern as a ranked team. On October 15, 2011, Illinois was ranked #16 and Ohio State was unranked! They played each other and Ohio State won. The first of 6 straight Big Ten losses for Illinois. They wouldn't be ranked again until 2022. 

2008

Illinois won two games as a ranked team but they were both non-conference games. 

2007

Illinois won one game as a ranked team over Northwestern. This would lead to an appearance in the BCS Rose Bowl.

2001

Illinois won four games as a ranked team, all Big Ten games. This would lead to an appearance in the BCS Sugar Bowl. Two were even wins over ranked teams. (They did win on homecoming this year, but they were not ranked at the time.)

- - - 

To recap, since I became an Illini in 2001:

11 wins as a ranked team (2001, 2007, 2008, 2011, 2022)

8 Big Ten wins as a ranked team (2001, 2007, 2011, 2022)

2 homecoming wins as a ranked team (2011, 2022)

2 wins over ranked teams as a ranked team (2001)

The last time Illinois was ranked and beat a ranked team was November 17, 2001. I was 17 years old. I am now 38. 

Definitely didn't know how much I needed to appreciate that 2001 season in the moment.

- - -

6-1 Illinois became bowl eligible with their ranked win on Saturday. Still have a chance to win the Big Ten West for the first time.

NFL Top Ten Records Are Wild

If you sort by best records in the NFL right now, this is what you get:

These are the only teams with a record above .500.

This is insane. The Colts and Titans are bad. The Jets and Giants are bad. 

Top three teams in the league are Bills, Eagles, Chiefs. Who is the 4th best team?

The 5-1 Vikings? Have they looked good in one game yet?

The fraud Giants? The injured Chargers or Cowboys?

I think the Ravens are better than the Vikings. Are the 3-3 Ravens the 4th best team? What about the 3-3 Dolphins if they get a healthy Tua back? What about the Bucs?

This is nuts.

Bills were better on both sides on the ball when it counted. Allen went down the field, got the signature highlight (in this case, a hurdle), and scored with a minute left. Mahomes had a chance to match and win the game, but threw a pick. 

The Bills were favored in Arrowhead and covered. 

If these two teams meet again, it will most likely be in Buffalo. Good game Bills. 

So I do think the Bills are going to win on Sunday. Their offense is just as good if not better and their defense is better as well. It's a home game for KC, but that MNF game feels like it just ended. Wouldn't surprise me if it's not that close either. Bills won by 18 in the regular season last year. They could win by 10 or 14 this year. Of course, they would love to win by exactly 13. 

If I was in Vegas and could get some insane odds I would put money on Bills to win by exactly 13. 

Chiefs-Bills

Mahomes has played 40 games at Arrowhead.

Next Sunday will be the first time he will be an underdog at home. 

MNF: Raiders at Chiefs

This game had it all. 

First a little context. Here's Mahomes record coming into the game vs AFC West teams. Typically, divisional games are close. You're familiar with each other so it's hard to catch anyone off guard. 

The Raiders have beaten Mahomes once. The Chargers twice. The Broncos never. 

- - -

The beginning of this game was all Raiders. Still without Butker, the Chiefs missed a 41-yard field goal and it was 17-0 Raiders early. Vegas was dominating on the line on both sides of the ball. 

At 14-0, Raiders had a 4th and 1 from the KC 34. They lined up to go for it. I was praying for a momentum-changing stop. Instead they kicked the field goal, making it a three-score game.

But in a sense, that was a 3rd down stop by the defense. An opening for the offense. 75-yard drive capped off by a throw to Kelce. 17-7 in the second quarter. 

Ensuing drive, is the momentum-changing play of the game. Carr is strip-sacked on 3rd and 8. Here's the video. The Chiefs will have the ball on the Raiders 40 with over a minute to go. From here you expect the Chiefs to go into halftime either at 17-14 or 17-10. Instead, the refs call a roughing the passer penalty. 

It provokes the loudest and most sustained booing from a crowd that I've ever heard. 

The Raiders end up kicking a field goal with 17 seconds left in the half, 20-7. 

The Bills learned in January that 13 seconds is too much time for Mahomes. The Raiders learned tonight that 17 is also too much time for Mahomes. 

20-10 at the half. 

Three drives later it's 24-20 Chiefs. Ever since the terrible call on Chris Jones, the crowd was into it, the refs were shook, and the Chiefs were cruising. 

At 30-23, the Chiefs were celebrating Kelce's record 4th TD and were a 2-point conversion away from making it a two-score game with 7 minutes to go. At this point, the game seemed like a party. 

KC had scored on 5 straight possessions. But that might not be enough. 

Adams burned the KC secondary again and all of a sudden it's 30-29 with about 4 minutes left. 

KC finally punts and the Raiders have 2:30 left and only need a field goal. Not feeling confident in the defense. 

On a 3rd and 1, the ruling on the field was Adams caught a 15 yard pass to put LV in field goal range. But the replay showed he didn't have possession until he was out of bounds.

So that brings up 4th and 1. This game is on a razor's edge. Carr throws up a deep ball and there's a moment where it's possible for Adams to maybe get to it. And then this happens:

I had to make this gif because I will never get tired of watching it.

- - -

Absolutely wild that Mahomes is now 23-3 against division opponents. What a great feeling to have every team in the division living in fear of you. 

- - -

One more layer to this. Back in 2019, a writer for the Athletic pointed out how Mahomes was on pace to crush Aikman's career TD totals. Aikman didn't like that and replied:

Of course, that very season Mahomes would win a Super Bowl. 

Well, last night Mahomes passed Aikman for career touchdowns, while not yet reaching half the number of games played. And who was calling the game? Buck and Aikman. They did not acknowledge the milestone.

- - -

On a night where Kelce got me a big fantasy win and is setting franchise TE records, and Mahomes is passing Aikman for TDs, it would have been a real shame to lose at the end and tarnish the night. 

- - -

Going to bed last night, I once again reflected on how lucky/fortunate I am as a sports fan now and what an absolute turn around it's been. 

For decades sports just seemed like one of those "we'll get 'em next year" things where I'm just always going to live with pain and "what ifs." And then the Chiefs get Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes. And the Avalanche win the Cup. And even Illinois is doing well in football and basketball at the moment, and it's just wild to see. 

- - - 

This MNF game immediately goes in the books as one of my favorites. Which got me thinking, there have been a lot of favorites since we got Mahomes (see previous paragraph). Since I can't have double digit favorites, I'll just refer to them as Elite Wins, ones that really made my whole week or month. Let's go back and identify some of these.

Elite Wins since 2016

2016: Mile High Magic

2017: Chiefs Take Down Champs

Mahomes Era Begins

2018: Mahomes Left-Hand vs Broncos, 4th and 9 Comeback vs Ravens

2019: Beat Brady in Gillette, Playoff Comeback vs Texans, Super Bowl LIV

2020: Raiders Birthday Comeback

2021: Comeback vs Chargers on TNF, 13 Seconds

2022: Refs Hate Chris Jones, Mahomes Takes Over vs Titans, Mahomes is Inevitable vs Chargers, Mahomes on One Leg vs Bengals AFC Championship, Super Bowl LVII

2023: 3-0 vs Bills in Playoffs, AFC Championship in Baltimore, Super Bowl LVIII

Chiefs Blast Bucs

Clearly inspired by Yom Teruah, the Chiefs went out and blasted the Bucs on Sunday Night Football. One of my favorite things is opening up Twitter and seeing a timeline of mostly national voices going nuts over Mahomes. 

By the way, winning the AFC West this year would be the Chiefs seventh consecutive division title. That would tie the 1973-1979 Rams for second-longest streak of all time. (First place: 11 consecutive titles for the 09-19 Patriots.)

Speaking of Tom Brady, Patrick Mahomes just Fetty Wapped Tom Brady in Tampa.

holy shit, is it 5783 already?

Happy Jewish Day of Blasting to you and yours. May all your shofars get blown extra hard.

Threading the Needle

Mark and I play head to head in two fantasy leagues. 

One where we pick new players weekly, Eliminator. 

One where we draft players and keep them all season, Ironman. 

In Ironman, at this very moment, we're tied. We each have one player left on Monday Night Football, both Vikings. I've got Dalvin Cook and Mark has Justin Jefferson. Pretty simple, which ever Viking scores more, that's your winner.

In Eliminator, I'm up 7.5 points and I've got Buffalo's kicker Tyler Bass. But Mark has...wait for it...Dalvin Cook. 

- - -

So Mark needs Dalvin Cook to outscore Bass by more than 7.5 in one league. He also needs Jefferson to outscore Cook. A bad game by Bass and good game by Jefferson takes care of that. 

I need the opposite. I want Cook to outscore Jefferson but not outscore Bass by more than 7.5.

If Cook is trash or amazing, then each of us will win one game, and we'll both be okay with that. But if Cook is average, that opens the door for the possibility of either one of us threading the needle and going 2-0 this week. 

Update: 

Well Bass put up 12 for me and Jefferson only put up 7 for Mark. So the needle eye was open for me. 

If Cook put up 7.5 or more that would be enough for me to win Ironman. 

If Cook put up 19 or less that would be enough for me to win Eliminator. 

And there's a big sweet spot of 7.5 to 19 where I could win both. 

He put up 4 points. 

I won Eliminator by 15.5 and lost Ironman by 3.

Killer Garlic Bread

This is not healthy enough to be a daily favorite, but this turned out so well, that I wanted to capture the method and recipe. 

I was loosely following this recipe, but didn't have fresh parsley or green onions. I didn't have good parmesan either, so I substituted a little shaker parm and a little shredded mozzarella. 

But what made this so good was the fresh garlic — this was my first time using my garlic press and it was great. I used half a stick of softened butter, stirred in 3 cloves of pressed garlic, pinch of kosher salt, mix of dried parsley/oregano/basil, bit of shaker parm and shredded mozzarella. Stirred into a beautiful spread and covered the split soft french bread. 

(We did a test taste where we tried slices of the baguette vs the split loaf, and the split loaf narrowly won on texture.)

I baked at 400F until it was golden, took maybe 8 minutes, can't remember. 

I think what made this so good was that it was garlic-forward and wasn't overpowered with cheese.

Update: Just made this a second time. Mixed everything together except for the mozzarella, spread it out on a split loaf, topped with more mozzarella than last time. It was equally good. The key here is the garlic press and combining it with the softened butter. 

Hilarious how every offseason everyone wants to pick the Chargers to win the division, everyone is hyping up Herbert as just as good as Mahomes, and then it never pans out on the field. 

Super Bowl-winning Franchise QBs

This was one of my better posts (and it didn't even crack my "best of" recap). 

There have been two Super Bowls since that post and the only addition is Matthew Stafford - 2009.

Which means that still in 2022, the only franchise QBs drafted since 2010 to win a Super Bowl are Russell Wilson and Patrick Mahomes. 

It is entirely possible that after Super Bowl LVII in February 2023, the only QB drafted in the last ten years to win a Super Bowl is Mahomes. 

- - - 

2022 Week 1 Starters sorted by Draft Year

Brady	2000
Rodgers	2005
Ryan	2008
Flacco	2008
Stafford	2009
Wilson	2012
Cousins	2012
Tannehill	2012
Smith	2013
Carr	2014
Winston	2015
Mariota	2015
Prescott	2016
Wentz	2016
Goff	2016
Brissett	2016
Mahomes	2017
Trubisky	2017
Watson	2017
Allen	2018
Jackson	2018
Mayfield	2018
Murray	2019
Jones	2019
Herbert	2020
Burrow	2020
Hurts	2020
Tagovailoa	2020
Jones	2021
Lawrence	2021
Lance	2021
Fields	2021
Mills	2021

So if one of Brady, Rodgers, Ryans, Flacco, Stafford, Wilson, Cousins, Tannehill or Mahomes wins SB57 then this will come true: the only QB drafted in the last ten years to win a Super Bowl is Mahomes.